Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Thoughts on Motherhood

MOTHERHOOD: challenging, amazing, indescribable, exciting, confusing....that's what I think of when I think of motherhood. Before having a child I had no idea what being a mother meant. I thought I understood it, I definitely didn't. You just can't understand it until you become one. You have no idea what it feels like to love someone that much. You also have no idea what it feels like to give up your world and completely devote yourself to your child's needs. It is an amazing and scary feeling. The vulnerability that is felt is terrifying and exhilarating.

Lately, Emry has been teething which has been causing her to wake up a lot in the night. That has been hard. I seriously become a different person at night when I am tired, and delirious, and just needing a break. I get frustrated with her and she smiles at me, which makes me feel worse. This is not a post meant for complaining. I actually want to try to keep this a positive space for uplifting and healing. I am saying these things not to vent but to reach out to someone who might have the same challenges. My challenge is not a teething baby but being an impatient mother. I am my own challenge. I want to be better, more patient, and more loving even when all I want to do is sleep. I know many parents have it much worse than I do and that is why I am grateful for my situation. I just want to be better.

In church a couple weeks ago we had a lesson on mothers. It was amazing and so up lifting. They talked about the challenge of being a parent and how most mothers at some point or another feel they are failing. I know I feel that quite often actually. I know I could be better, and I want to be better, it is just so hard to fix all of your faults. In the class they showed a "mormon message" from the LDS website. It was wonderful. I related to it on so many levels, and it made me feel so much better. Later, as I watched it again it brought tears to my eyes. It is so reassuring to know that I am not the only one that gets down on myself, and to know that Heavenly Father is right beside me helping me on my path of motherhood. Watch it. If you are feeling the challenges of motherhood or you just want something to bring you the spirit, it will help you.

Being a mother is also completely different then being a father. The challenges that are faced as a father are different than the ones mothers face. Chance just recently started the MACC...Masters of Accountancy. This has definitely brought on a new challenge (for both of us). I can handle being alone with my little lady all day, but it is extremely difficult to be alone with her at night. Yes, he is home but not really. He has to shut himself in the office for hours and hours of homework. Normally it's relatively easy because Emry is a great baby, just not lately. Of course, as soon as he starts the masters degree Emry decides to start teething. Children are unpredictable, and that is something I have had a hard time getting used to. Some nights her and I have a lot of fun, and handle it just fine. Others I am so worn out and in need of some me time. Those are the nights that become difficult and all I want is Chance to come out of that room. But, when he does I feel even worse because I know he is taking a break from homework which means less sleep for him. Let's just say I have an amazing husband. He works full time, is in the masters program full time, and is a full time husband and father. I know that what I am going through is challenging, but I also know that what he is going through is more challenging but in different ways. He has to stress about getting good grades, bringing home the bacon, and taking care of his crazy wife:) He does a dang good job, I tell you what.

Even though this new chapter in my life has been challenging, it has also been so rewarding. I know that I am doing the Lords work. I know that raising a family in the gospel and teaching our children to be a good people is something that we can't do alone. We need to turn to others and to God to get strength in times of weakness, and comfort in times of sadness.

My favorite part of my day is going into to Em's room to get her from her nap. She is always making the cutest sounds and she greets me with the happiest smile. It's almost a smile of relief. Relief that I didn't leave and her mama is still there. I also enjoy taking long walks with my little one. I am one that can't be cooped up for too long so getting outside always makes me feel better. I enjoy so many blessings each day, and I am in constant awe of the world around me. I am grateful to my loving Heavenly Father who has given me so much, more than I deserve at times.

Life is different than it used to be. It is full of more love, challenging moments, complete confusion, extreme happiness, and exhaustion. I'm alive, happy, and healthy. Who could ask for more?

I'm not sure if any of this made sense but I would love to hear your thoughts on motherhood. What are your struggles and challenges? What are your blessings and favorite parts of your day? Being a stay at home mom can be lonely sometimes so lets help each other by relating with one another and sharing up lifting things.

My favorite Emry moments as of late....

 ^ playin with mama and daddys rings ^

 ^ finally getting a little hair ^ 

 ^ we love killing some free time by walking down to the studio to visit uncle Karl ^

^ trying to be like dad with her calculator (boring!) ^


  1. Loved this so much and needed it! Just know your not alone, I definitely can relate :) you're wonderful and have such a beautiful little one to prove it! Thanks for this ♡ -mindy

  2. Loved this Brenna! Really, it's so good to hear that others feel the same way as me relating to the hard times and the beautiful times. Being a momma is so rewarding but really stretches you to your limits too. I am so grateful I don't have to raise my boys alone, that I have a Heavenly Father to guide me through it.. If not I would be a lost cause. Loved your thoughts!.. But mostly love you!