Saturday, January 25, 2014

Let's talk about sex...

Yep, thats right. Let's talk about sex, AND marriage. Chance and I had the opportunity of going to a marriage symposium in our stake this weekend and it was amazing. The topic that really stood out was the different way men and women are about sex. Sex is a hard topic to talk about. It is different for each person and each couple. All too often a "healthy sex life" is based on the way the world sees it. The world would also have us believe that marriage ruins sex. It becomes boring, uneventful, and predictable. Studies show that that is a myth. Google it! You will find so many articles about how married people have more sex, better sex, and more varied sex. People don't want a one night stand, they want to find someone that is committed and loves them. SO sorry world, you lose once again. Marriage is what people should strive for in order to find happiness and great sex lives;)

Now, it gets more challenging when you add kids into the mix. As a stay at home mama you are tired, your self-esteem has dropped to the floor, and sometimes you are just plain cranky! Sometimes the last thing you want is sex. You don't want to tend to anyone else's needs because that is what you have been doing ALL DAY LONG. You want someone to hold you and rock you to sleep for a change. A deep sleep, not the half hearted way you have been sleeping since the day you gave birth. This then becomes a vicious cycle because what men desire is physical intimacy. They are more productive, more loving, and more attentive when their needs are met physically. Women are also better at those things when their needs are met. The issue is men and women have different needs, but usually with the same end result. If that makes any sense, wink wink. The speaker gave a perfect example...Men and women want to get into the same room they just often need to take different doors to get there. He then related men, women, and sex to an image that I couldn't find but this is the same idea...

He related men to the top image and women to the bottom. I would say it is a pretty accurate metaphor. I laughed when he pulled it up. It is funny to me when you really think about how different men and women are. Men are ready to go at the flip of a switch. Women take more time. It is more complicated. It's physical, emotional, and spiritual. Women need to get in the right state of mind, and it is hard for them to clear their mind of other things that are going on. Like constantly wondering if they are going to hear a crying baby right at the wrong moment;) Now, I'm not saying that men don't relate sex to an emotional and spiritual experience they just don't need to go through the motions that women need to. Flip the switch and he's good to go!

Sometimes I wonder what went through God's mind when he created us. Good joke God! I'm sure he is getting a kick out of watching us try to live together through our many differences. I do know that he had reasoning for the things that he did though. He is much smarter than you or I. One day we will better understand our differences and His reasonings for creating us the way that he did.

Obviously during this symposium I related to the part when he talked to the women. But I fully listened, and learned from what he said to the men. If we don't put our husbands needs before our own why in the world would our husbands do that for us? It makes it sound kind of selfish but it's true. If you want something from your husband, step back and think about whether you are doing those kinds of things for him. I know there are times when I have been frustrated because he didn't even understand why I was upset, or why I was acting upset. Um...Brenna, he isn't a mind reader. Anyone else guilty of that? I am constantly thinking in my head that he should know. I would know if he were sad or upset. Well, that's where we are different. Guys don't think that way. They are direct and straight forward. Tell it to them straight and they understand, make them read your mind and they won't. It's that simple. Too bad it's not THAT simple. Marriage takes work. Understanding a man takes work. Understanding a woman, even for women, takes more work! 

What I have decided to do in my life is first, take care of my husbands needs, second take care of Emry's needs, and third take care of myself. Yes, that sounds exhausting and yes I know that at times it will be difficult. But, I know that if I am doing all I can to take care of Chance he will be doing the exact same thing for me. He will help me with the things that I am taking care of and vice versa. With that little decision our lives will be better, less chaotic, and will run more smoothly. I want you to know that I am not an expert on marriage, sex or anything I just talked about. These are just a few thoughts that have been running in my head this afternoon. 

Alright, that's enough about that. Enjoy your weekend all!

1 comment:

  1. Uh, wow! You are a wise woman my friend.. I agree with you! Loved this post.. Thank you!