tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25277834467546942912024-03-19T15:40:29.767-07:00thoughts&photographs // lifestyle blogBrennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.comBlogger90125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-61051139139035200662016-11-17T10:12:00.004-08:002016-11-17T10:12:42.615-08:00INSPIRING WOMAN {Kendra Leavitt}<div style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Meet Kendra, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">she is this months inspiring woman. Her story is near and dear to my heart. Watching my sister go through infertility and the adoption process changed me. It brought sadness but then incredible amounts of happiness. Now going through infertility myself I truly understand the heartache it brings to your world. Kendra's story is one of hope, and it is truly beautiful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">In life, there are fewer things more disappointing than plans not working out. Failure for a plan to develop leads to annoyance, which can lead to despair. How many phrases are dedicated to help allay the feelings of disappointment? “You have to roll with the punches,” “it’s always darkest before dawn,” “when God closes a door, he opens a window.” You know how sometimes when you repeat a word in your head over and over again, the word begins to lose its meaning? I feel like it’s the same way with some of these phrases. Over the past three years, my husband, Ian, and I have been on a journey filled with consistent optimism, but staggered by heartbreak. Long days of hard work and faith followed often by tears and doubt. We had amazing support from family and great friends; we were also lied to and cruelly manipulated. Through these three years, Ian and I have walked through fire together. We lost nearly all semblances of personal space and privacy; we worked through hundreds of pages of paperwork and legal pulp; we drove thousands of miles, spent thousands of dollars, all for the chance at turning the hope people kept telling us to keep into a reality. It was in the middle of nowhere, on a hot June night, where we finally found our seven pound miracle. I am writing this story not for pity or to commiserate, but to expound on and rejoice in the one thing that kept us going throughout all our setbacks: hope. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It began in college, living in duplexes behind an Albertson’s grocery store. I lived with three other girls, about a five minute drive from the campus of Southern Utah University. I was only eighteen, and in my first year away from home. Next door lived a group of four boys, and we all quickly became friends. One of them was Ian Leavitt, who was a bit shy and reserved, but very sweet. It was clear early on that he liked me, and I’m not ashamed to say that I took advantage of his crush. He’d help me with homework, car trouble, or just bring me something I was craving. Perhaps most nobly, he moved my harp to and from concerts, without complaint. I soon realized that I had developed feelings for him too, and we decided to spend as much time together as possible. On September 11, 2010 we were married for time and all eternity in the Manti Temple. It is my favorite temple. It’s like a castle, and all girls are princesses. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">After a whirlwind wedding, we moved into a small apartment in central Cedar City. It was on the bottom floor, in the back of an old building. Natural light was scarce, and at times the place felt like a cave. We didn’t want children right away since we were both still in school and only working part time. Children weren’t allowed in our apartment anyway, so we had no choice but to wait. When I graduated in May 2013, we started thinking about starting our family. Our apartment started to seem too small, so we decided to begin searching for a home. We were lucky enough to find a house in a great neighborhood where we could finally start our family. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">an and I had been living in our cute home in Cedar City for about six months. We were hoping to fill it with children. It seemed like so many people I knew were able to get pregnant the instant they decided to have children. Surprise pregnancies also seemed frequent. So when a few months passed by, and I still wasn't pregnant, I started to worry. I went to see a gynecologist who had me tested for endometriosis. Results were inconclusive, but he still thought that was the problem. I had really terrible cramps during my period, which seemed more severe than other women. I was tested for everything under the sun, often enduring embarrassing and painful exams. I figured it was worth it if I could be able to have children. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Since I showed no signs of infertility, our doctor suggested that Ian be tested. His testing was consisted of one test, which made me jealous. Ian didn’t have to be poked and prodded. From the test, we learned that there was no problems with Ian’s sperm count, and the sperm’s mobility was also fine. The problem was in the morphology of the sperm. In other words, the sperm were shaped in such a way that it was difficult for them to move correctly, which made it difficult to reach my eggs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It all seemed to make sense! It’s amazing how simply finding the reason behind a problem can give you hope. Our doctor assured us that although conditions were not perfect for conception, there was still a good chance that we could still have a baby. With the new information, our doctor recommended that we try a few rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination). An IUI is a procedure where the doctor takes the sperm and puts it in a centrifuge in order to isolate the sperm cells. He then takes the sperm cells and, using a giant syringe, inserts the sperm into the uterus. This needs to be done at a very specific point in a woman’s menstrual cycle. This puts the sperm in a position to go where they need to go, which was especially helpful in our situation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ian and I were very careful in following the steps leading up to the procedure.</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">On the 16th day of my cycle, we had to go and pick up a sterile specimen cup from the doctor.</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We would then set an appointment for the procedure.</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">One of the stranger things about the IUI is that we needed to collect the sperm specimen before we came into the doctor’s office.</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It was a little uncomfortable at first for Ian to have to do this, but we just had to remind ourselves of our final goal.</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">After we had the sample, we would carefully drive to the doctor, where the whole thing could come together.</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We tried this procedure three times.</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We followed the directions given to us extremely closely, making sure to get every small detail perfect.</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It never worked. </span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">At this point, Ian and I learned valuable lessons in how to react to difficult news. By all accounts, the IUIs should have worked, as there was nothing too misaligned to prevent us from having children biologically. Yet here we still were, childless, and running out of options. This was a very difficult time, especially for Ian. We both struggled with feeling inadequate, but it was hard for Ian not to blame himself. We learned to rely upon each other’s strengths, and we took turns with one feeling down, and the other being the motivator. It was during this time that Ian and I realized we had decisions to make. We had heard options about In Vitro Fertilization, and were encouraged by some of the success stories. We also knew that uncertainty still would be present with IVF. Additionally, the procedures would be even more expensive and invasive than our previous IUIs. Our other option would be to adopt a baby, which would be more a sure thing than IVF, but would open up a unique set of challenges.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">At a funeral for Ian’s cousin’s miscarried baby, I had the prompting that adoption was what we were meant to do. I told Ian of my prompting, but assured him that if he wanted to try IVF first that I would support him. Ian took a few months to ponder. Ian has always been more analytical and less spontaneous than I am. I guess that’s why we fit together so well.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Later that year, we attended a sealing for another cousin to his wife and son in the St. George Temple. Again, I got a strong feeling that we should adopt. If I wasn’t meant to feel my child growing inside, me then I wanted to experience personally what this darling family was experiencing. Again, I told Ian of my prompting. He surprised me when he quickly said, “Let’s do it.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I’m not exaggerating when I say we started researching how to adopt the next day. I’m the kind of person that when something gets on my mind, I want to get it all taken care of as quickly as possible. I read all the content I could from any website and testimonial I could, and I hassled Ian to do the same. At the end of November 2015 we announced that we were on our way to St. George to start our new adventure. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The first step in any adoption is to complete a home study. Most adoption agencies won’t even begin to work with you unless your homestudy is complete and valid. In order to complete a home study, you have to work with a licensed social worker. We were lucky enough to have an extremely nice and capable social worker named Jill Valentine very near to us. Ian called to set up an appointment to get things started. That first meeting with our social worker was emotional. I wasn’t prepared for it. She asked very personal questions to get to know and assess us. We must have said something right, because it was obvious that she made us a priority. She helped us finish our home study by February of 2016 and by March we had an adoption profile with <span style="color: #106dd6; text-decoration: underline;">adoption.com</span>. I also started working with a wonderful woman with Heart and Soul Adoption Agency. She would let me know when there were birth mothers looking for families to place their children. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Over the next few months, I did everything I could to stay in the adoption network. Whenever I found out a birth mother was searching for a couple, Ian and I would discuss about whether or not we should pursue. We were active in sending our home study and information to multiple mothers, hoping that we would be the ones they trusted with their baby. Unfortunately, we did not have much success. Several times, we would hear that the mother chose another family, or that they were not interested in us. This was difficult to understand at first, but sometimes you just have to accept a problem without an explanation. This was a very big decision for the birth mothers, so everything had to be perfect for them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">May 19th, 2016 began as a day just like any other. Ian was at work when I got a phone call from Rachel, our adoption rep. She told me that one of the mothers we had given our information to wanted to speak with us that night. This had never happened to us before. We didn’t know what to expect. That evening, Ian and I sat together and waited for the phone to ring. After what seemed like hours, we finally got to speak with the mother, and after a few minutes of conversation, she informed us that she had chosen to place her baby with us!. That was such an emotional and exciting day. We had never gotten this far! The birth mother was due September 22nd with a baby boy. We already had a name chosen, Henry, and I quickly fixed up our guest room so that it would be his nursery. With a lot of help from family and friends, we were able to transform our home to be baby ready.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Of course, that happiness was short lived. About a month later, we were having a hard time communicating with our birth mother. I had become pretty good friends with her, and was texting her back and forth for a few weeks after we matched. When she started to not respond to my texts, I became worried. Ian told me not to worry, as she was probably busy, or lost her phone. That did little to help me, and my worries continued. My fears were heightened when the adoption agency asked me if I had heard from the mother at all. It turns out nobody knew where she was, and she wasn’t responding to anyone’s attempts to locate her. I worried myself sick, as Ian did his best to stay positive. When we finally did restore contact with her, I would soon wish that she stayed silent. Things started getting very strange. She even informed us that the baby was a girl and that the baby would be born in October rather than September. This was our first indication that things may not be as they seemed a few weeks before.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Our adoption agency prepared an apartment for the mother to live in, rent free, so she could live close to medical care during her pregnancy. The only stipulation was that she needed to travel from California to Utah, and the apartment would be hers. For the birth mother, it seemed like everything that could have gone wrong went wrong in her attempts to get to Utah. Her car would break down, she would need to stay in a hotel, she needed to go the doctor, etc. One thing after another. For each of these issues, she would always ask for money. After a while, her stories would start to contradict each other, saying she was in California one minute, and Mesquite, Nevada the next. She told us once that she was living in her broken down car in Mesquite, never mind the fact that it was 120 degrees in Mesquite, and no pregnant woman would ever resort to that. After weeks of back and forth we came to the conclusion that she was lying to us, and she likely couldn’t be trusted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Together, we and our agency decided that if our birth mother would move closer to the agency in order to give birth to the baby, then we would still adopt her baby. She made it more than half way. More bad communication. More lies. For the sake of moving on with the story, our birth mother did not make it to the desired destination. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Ian and I were heartbroken. I prayed, searched the scriptures, and cried my soul dry. Ian stayed strong, but I could tell he was empty. We rarely talked, and mostly stayed home. I couldn’t understand why this was happening. <i>How</i> this was happening. We were so close, and all our hard work looked like it was paying off, just to be shattered right in front of us. It felt like we would never recover from this one. It felt that way until Monday, June 20.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Ian, his sister, his sister’s husband, Ian’s mom, and I were sitting at Ian’s grandpa’s home talking about how we were planning to match with another mom. We had no idea about the timetable, we just decided that it would be easiest to move on, any way we could. We had been ranting about our failed birth mother, which helped, but was probably not the nicest thing to do. Maybe a few hours later, I received the text that would change our lives. It was Rachel, our adoption rep, and she told me that a baby girl was born the day before in a small town in Western Kansas, and that if we could get there by tomorrow, she could be ours. My heart starting racing! This was it, I knew it immediately. Soon after, we received a call from Rachel, giving us more info on the baby and her birth family. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I knew right away that this was our future. This was our baby, and we had to get home to pack. Ian was more cautious. He says it was the shock of things happening so fast, but I know he wasn’t exactly sure whether or not this baby was meant for us. We decided to do what we had been taught to do whenever we faced a tough decision: pray. Ian led the prayer, asking if this was the baby meant for us. I knew the answer as soon as Ian began crying. Ian is a very emotional person, but he rarely cries, so I knew this was a special circumstance. When I asked him what he felt he said, “I guess we better go buy a ticket to Kansas, because this little girl needs us.” We quickly made travel arrangements, tried to sleep for a few hours, but failed miserably. We woke up the next morning, showered, and were on our way. I could hardly focus. I was going to hold my baby. My baby. Our baby. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We began at around 4:30 am, drove to catch a shuttle in St. George, took the shuttle to Las Vegas, and caught a flight to Wichita. After getting to Kansas, we still had to make the four hour drive from Wichita to Liberal. We rented a car and began the long drive. Driving in Kansas is a lesson in patience itself, as there is absolutely nothing to see. It’s flat and yellow. When we finally pulled into Liberal, we were exhausted to say the least. Not only were we traveling, but we were also trying to take care of the legal side of the adoption and stay in contact with our family all the while. It was a long day. It was worth it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">After buying a car seat, we finally made it to Southwest Medical Center where our baby girl was waiting for us. It’s a small hospital, so we found the room easily. We asked a nurse if we could go in. The nurse checked with the birth parents and we were then allowed to see our baby girl.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I thought for sure I’d cry. It seemed like I had been waiting for this forever. It’s still hard for me not to tear up when I think about it, but at that moment all I could do was stare in wonderment. She was beautiful. So much black hair! Perfectly content in her birth daddy’s arms. Birth mom was sitting on the hospital bed enjoying the quiet scene.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I can’t remember too many specifics other than Ian quietly asking, “Is this her?” I mumbled something about her being beautiful, and then birth daddy was putting Isabel into her new daddy’s arms. I just kept staring. The mother had already named the baby, and asked if we would be keeping the name. We said that we weren’t sure, which wasn’t completely true. We had a name picked out from even before we were married. In that hospital in Nowhere, Kansas, I was finally holding Isabel Marie.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">an being the sweetheart he is, held Isabel for only a few seconds before he asked if I wanted to hold her. As I held her the five of us started to get to know each other. It was a reverent moment that I will never forget. I felt right away the love for this little girl. She just slept. I stood in the presence of this sweet little baby, and felt so much gratitude for so many people. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Maybe twenty minutes passed when birth mom suggested that Ian and I have some alone time with baby girl. We had a wonderful half hour with our sweet girl. I started sending photos to and talking to my family through Skype. I couldn’t stop looking at her! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Our plan was to pick her up from the hospital and take her to a nearby hotel to wait for more information from our agency and our lawyer. Ian and I arrived to the hospital too late to take her with us, but the nurses asked us to spend the night with baby girl. I was so happy! I kept telling Ian that I wasn’t leaving her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The following day was long. There were a lot of legal details to take care of. Isabel’s social worker, who was an incredibly sweet and helpful lady, stayed for a few hours to ensure that Isabel came home with us. There was a lot of paperwork needed for both us and the birth mother, and we ended up spending almost the entire day in the hospital. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">After the fiasco of the alarm going off (and the elevators not working) due to improper removal of Isabel’s foot tracker, we were headed home. It was around 10:00 at this point, and it had been as exhausting a day as the day before. One of the nurses helped us down to our rental car to make sure that everything was okay with our car seat. Before we said goodbye, the nurse told us that she and the other nurses had a strong attachment to our little baby, and were so happy that we were able to take her. She started crying as she asked if she could say one more goodbye to the baby. It was then I knew that Isabel would be a special sweet spirit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I</span><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">t might seem that our story is finished, but there’s still a little more. We now were waiting in Liberal, Kansas for one of two things: there was one other potential birth father who needed to sign away his paternal rights so we could finalize the adoption in Kansas. The other option was to wait for the Interstate Compact. The Interstate Compact is an agreement between two states (in this case, Utah and Kansas) allowing the family and adopted baby to travel home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Initially we wanted the Interstate Compact so that we could finalize with family in Utah. We’d have to wait six months before we could finalize, but it sounded like a happy moment that we wanted to share with everyone. The longer we waited the more we realized that not only would it be quicker for the birth father to sign, it would also mean that Isabel would be legally ours sooner. No more waiting. No more worrying. We changed our minds. We started working toward birth dad signing. We wanted to get home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We were in contact with our attorney and agency the entire week. Yes, we were in Kansas a whole week. It was the longest week of our lives. We tried to make the best of it, but there are only so many things you can do in Kansas with a newborn baby. After, a couple days in Liberal we were told to go back to Wichita, where the finalization would take place. It’s also a bigger city so we felt less stuck. We saw that sights of Wichita, including the first ever Pizza Hut, which was really exciting for Ian. Turns out it’s only a small house on the campus of Wichita State University, and they don’t even serve pizza there anymore. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyway, the weekend passed and still no signature, so we sent paperwork for the Interstate Compact. We were able to attend church that Sunday, and were overwhelmed with the kindness of the members in Kansas. There truly are good people all around the world. Monday morning came and with it a happy call from our attorney that he had received birth dad’s signature. Our attorney was so amazing. He had scheduled a court meeting with the judge on that same day, hoping that we could get everything taken care of. We met with Judge Rumsey for maybe ten minutes, waited around a few hours for the paperwork to go through and were finally given the all clear to return home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We didn't leave until about 2:00 in the afternoon. Because Isabel was so little, we were not able to fly with her, so we rented a minivan, and trucked it west toward Utah. Ian fell in love with the minivan, saying that it was like driving a couch. We made it to Colorado Monday night, slept at the Holiday Inn, and made it the rest of the way the next day. Isabel is a born traveller! She mostly slept and only cried when she was hungry or when she forgot we were there. (It broke my heart to hear that cry). We pulled into our driveway in Cedar City at about 7:00 pm, and Ian’s mom was over about two minutes later. Our yard was in the process of being decorated and we soon had family and friends over to finally meet nine day old Isabel Marie. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This journey has been so emotional, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We’ve been through such difficult trials, many of which I didn’t know we could overcome. We have met some amazing people along the way who have helped in indescribable ways. We continue to get so much support and love from friends, family, and neighbors. These people have forever changed us. Through this experience, Ian and I have grown closer not only to each other, but to Heavenly Father as well. The adversity we faced seems like nothing now that we have our miracle. We are so happy. Isabel Marie Leavitt is our greatest adventure.</span></div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-65721501509134716942016-09-27T15:13:00.000-07:002016-09-28T12:39:48.589-07:00INSPIRING WOMAN {Jourdyn Pitcher}<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
This months inspiring woman is Jourdyn. </div>
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She is definitely one of the most incredible people I have ever met. I worked with her while she was going through her treatment and she always had the biggest smile on her face and was so positive. Honestly, if I hadn't already known she was going through cancer I never would have guessed it. She has such a strong spirit and amazing attitude. When I found out she wouldn't be able to have children of her own my heart ached for her. Being denied such a special gift is something that would be so incredibly hard to deal with. Her and her husband have decided that they are going to grow their family through adoption. Please share her story so we can help them find their child. She is already the most incredible mother to her students at school. She deserves to have children of her own. </div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Here's her story...</span></div>
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April 17, 2002 is a
day I will never forget. It is a day that not only changed my life
but altered my future. Life has definitely been full of surprises. It
was pretty normal until the spring of 2002. I had spent most of my
life growing up in the same neighborhood in Sandy. My dad was offered
a position for a new job and we were told that we would be moving to
Cedar City. I wasn’t too thrilled. All I knew about Cedar City,
was that it was our last stop to go to the bathroom before we made it
to my grandparent’s condo in St. George. I soon found out that the
Lord had a plan for our family’s move that summer. As summer ended,
and we settled into our house, and my freshman year of high school
started. I was able to make some more friends. Life seemed pretty
great! I had good friends, my family was loving our neighborhood, and
I felt like everything was perfect. Boy, was I WRONG!
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">It all started when
the month before I felt a strange lump under my arm. I had been a
pretty healthy kid up to that point, so I didn’t think anything
about it. I continued on with the activities that any 14 year old
would do, hanging out with friends, family and I was involved in
extracurricular activities. As time went by the lump started to
become bigger and it hurt. I pointed it out to my mom, and after
hearing everyone’s ideas on what it could be, we decided to go to
the doctor. By the time we went to the doctor it was the size of a
bigger marble. He thought that it was probably an infection and he
said that he would put me on antibiotics for 10 days. We didn’t
make it to day 10. After about a week the lump had tripled in size.
We immediately went back in to the doctor and he said that he was
scheduling me for a biopsy the next morning. I remember being afraid
about what was happening. I felt alone and unsure. Growing up in an
active LDS home, I asked my dad if he would give me a blessing to
help calm me down. He asked one of our neighbors to come over. I
still remember that blessing as if it was yesterday. In the blessing
my dad said that I would be able to face the challenges that were
ahead of me and that I would endure. In my head I was thinking WHAT?!
I will be able to endure? What was going to happen tomorrow?</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The next morning I
went in for my surgery. We had family down since it was my little
brother’s birthday. I was in a small post op waiting room. I still
remember the frog eyes everyone had from the crying that had taken
place before I came out of surgery. Surrounded by my family, Dr.
Stults told me that I had cancer. I think at first it was one of
those out of body experiences. I remember crying at first. Then as
tears seemed to fall from everyone’s faces, I thought about the
blessing my dad had given me the night before. I thought about how in
tune he was to what Heavenly Father needed me to hear. I have had
many blessings in my life, but this one not only saw me through my
almost 15 years of treatment, but through all other trials I would
face.</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I went to Primary
Children’s Medical Center a couple of days later. I had a central
line placed in my chest and began my first round of treatment before
I even work up from anesthesia. There were times I thought, how am I
going to do this? I thought sometimes what did I do to deserve this?
As time went on, I realized that this wasn’t a punishment. It was
just something that I was going to face, and it was a test of my
faith. During this time I went through pancreatitis, allergic
reactions to blood transfusions, and infections in my central line.
When all of my treatment was finished 64 weeks later, I was so ready
to get on with the rest of my life. Imagine my shock when I went up
for scans less than 3 weeks after my last treatment to find that my
cancer had been found underneath my other arm. I was devastated. I
couldn’t believe it! How was I going to do this all again? Then I
thought back again to that blessing. I knew that the Lord would not
give me more than I could handle. I saddled back up and prepared for
the next chapter in my cancer journey.</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">This time it would
be a completely different ball game than the time before. I would be
receiving high dose chemotherapy, total body radiation, and bone
marrow transplant. Due to one of my chemo treatments, I got a fungus
in my right lung. The damage could not be fixed and it was decided
that I would need to have my right lung removed. After going through
this I had been preparing for my bone marrow transplant, but before I
could, it was discovered that this same fungus had spread down to my
left kidney. I would have it removed just days after attending Prom.</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">During this time of
my radiation and my bone marrow transplant, I had some very spiritual
experiences. I was able to grow in my faith and I learned how thin
the veil is. I grew quite close to a special little girl named Anna.
She and I were both getting treatment at the same time.
Unfortunately, Anna passed away. After coming out from a surgery, my
mom said that I was calling for her, as if I had just been with her.
I may not remember everything that was seen, but I know that I was
very close to her sweet little spirit. I remember one night
specifically. I had been so depressed during my transplant and
thinking, what is going to happen to me, what if I die from this?</span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">S</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">till being a young
teenager, I was not equipped to handle all of it. All the loneliness,
pain and anguish I felt, I said a silent prayer that the Lord would
protect me and that He would allow me to live. I sat and cried myself
to sleep and then I felt as if someone was sitting right next to me.
I felt a warmth that I could not deny. I felt the Spirit confirm to
me the things I had been taught all my life, that the Savior is real,
the plan of Salvation is real, a life after this one is real. From
that moment I knew two things. Heavenly Father loved me and He was
aware of what I was going through, and he wouldn’t leave me alone.
The other was that, I knew whose I was and where I would go if
anything happened to me. I was cancer free after my bone marrow
transplant until the summer before I was to start college at Southern
Utah University. I cried and then just as I had the first two times
before, I felt the love of my Heavenly Father envelop me and I knew
that everything would work out. It was decided that there wasn’t a
whole lot of options for me because of having only one lung and one
kidney, as well as all the other side effects that high dose chemo
had caused, that I couldn’t do this with full dose chemo anymore. I
was put on a small weekly dose of chemo, I continued to do this even
as I served my mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day
Saints. I was so blessed to be able to serve in the Independence
Missouri Mission. I was able to have some of the why’s answered of
going through cancer, confirmed to me. There were so many people I
met that had been impacted someway by this disease. It was during
this time that I realized that the trial of my cancer was a blessing
in disguise, and not only meant for me but to give me the experience
to help others face their battle as well.</span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">After I came home
from my mission in 2012, I was a bridesmaid at the wedding of one of
my friends from my mission. It just so happened that my future
husband was a groomsman. We dated for a year and then we were married
in the St. George temple in June of 2013. Both Cody and I always
wanted to have kids. This was hard for both of us because due to side
effects from my treatments, I wasn’t able to have children. Both of
my ovaries had been absorbed through my chemo treatments and there
was no possible way for me to be able to carry a child of my own.
Although this is something I had known about since I was 15, the full
understanding of what this meant for my husband and I, was a very
painful and tender realization. It was a long process for me, of
trying to understand why this was happening. I am a good person, I
thought, I would be a good mom, I have made good choices in my life,
I have already been through so much! Each time, I watched as friends
and family announced that they were pregnant. Facebook pages seemed
to be source of depression, as people posted their happy news. I was
so happy for them, but each time my heart would ache, as I would find
somewhere alone, and quiet, I would fall apart and cry out of sorrow
for what I longed to have but couldn’t. I listened to women around
me complain about their pregnancies and morning sickness. I thought,
I would give anything to be able to get pregnant, and all you can
talk about, is how you can’t wait till this part is over!</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">It was one day as
I was listening to a song by Katherine Nelson, called What’s Mine
is Yours that I realized everyone has trials. In the song she talks
about the heart ache that all women feel when they lose something. In
the song it talks about a young soon to be mom who loses her baby, a
young girl placing her baby for adoption, and a couple that receives
her baby. I realized that each side of the experiences in this song,
impact each person deeply. Then I thought back on a fireside I would
give for EFY’s on my cancer. In my talk I said, “It would be
foolish for me to think that all the trials I would ever have in my
life would all come to me before I reached the age of adulthood.”
Adoption was something that we had talked about when we got serious,
but after we were married, I met with my doctor who said that In
vitro was going to be very difficult for my body because of all it
had been through. We went to the temple to try and seek direction in
what we should do.</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">As I was in the
celestial room, the answer came very clear to me that adoption was
how we were always meant to grow our family. My husband Cody and I
have been taking an adoption class online. One of the ladies that was
a speaker in the class made a comment that all children are borrowed
from God. I loved that because it is true, whether we gave birth to
that child or not, there is truth to this message. I have learned to
rely on the Lord in a different way than I ever did when going
through my cancer. My faith has again been put to the test. One of my
dear friends, Steve Hodson, gave me a motto at 14, which now hangs in
my classroom. He told me that attitude is everything, if you think
you can do it, then you can. Just as I learned with my cancer that
these things are meant to give me experience, I know that through our
adoption process, I will learn that all things come in the Lord’s
timing but that while we wait he never leaves us alone!</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">My message to you,
is that whatever you are going through, know that there is a purpose
for it, a loving Heavenly Father cheering you on, and loved ones to
support you through it all! My testimony has grown in ways I never
imagined. Even as I have written my story down, I see the Lord’s
hand in my life and I am reminded that He has already helped me
through so much! I may not have kids of my own, but I am able to
impact the kids in my classroom every day! One of my students from my
first year was helping me pick up pinecones that kids were throwing
in front of the school. As he and his friend helped me, I asked him
how 5</span><sup style="text-indent: 0.5in;">th</sup><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> grade was going. He said it was good but that he
missed 3</span><sup style="text-indent: 0.5in;">rd</sup><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> grade. I told him that his class was a special
one, because they were my first set of kiddos. He turned to me and
said, “Mrs. Pitcher it was a special year for me too!” I started
crying and gave him a hug!</span></div>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">It helped me to see that the Lord provides us opportunities in
unexpected ways. Life is full of surprises, disappointments and sheer
joy! In my EFY firesides I would give, I talked about the saying that
life hands you lemons so why not make lemonade. The trials that we
face are lemons. We can sweeten the trials by turning them over to
Christ. Although he helps us through them, that bitterness from the
lemons, is not meant to be taken from us entirely. We are meant to go
through them, to gain understand and learn to rely on the Lord. That
is the purpose of this life for us to live! I hope that in sharing my
story you will be able to look at your own life and find the tender
mercies that are given to us amidst the sips of trials we face.</span><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span>
Follow our story at <a href="http://www.pitcherperfectadoption.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: #f1c232;">www.pitcherperfectadoption.blogspot.com</span></a></div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-2349239708702794992016-08-30T16:58:00.000-07:002016-08-30T16:58:30.720-07:00INSPIRING WOMAN {Christie Perkins}<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This months inspiring woman is Christie Perkins!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhua2eVySGyeo8auKWXYx_slC1umhxsuY9Wsg1bSApKeNSAGgK7g6kfjpWbS6xQ1MmqMLMvqltrwI-BZhAYXz5mklwq-HWawFsrxBHxk8tKkWuKRIJiVDIGTs0wbo-YTqHPNmlACJZJbzQ/s1600/DSC_0925k.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhua2eVySGyeo8auKWXYx_slC1umhxsuY9Wsg1bSApKeNSAGgK7g6kfjpWbS6xQ1MmqMLMvqltrwI-BZhAYXz5mklwq-HWawFsrxBHxk8tKkWuKRIJiVDIGTs0wbo-YTqHPNmlACJZJbzQ/s640/DSC_0925k.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
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She was nominated by Nicole Sanders. She sent me a beautiful email that I would like to share... </div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Calibri, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;"><br /></span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Calibri, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">"T</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Calibri, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">here is a woman I would like to bring to your attention. Her name is Christie Perkins and she is absolutely incredible. She has 4 little boys ranging in ages 14 to 4 or 5. She has been through breast cancer and was in remission but just recently found out that it has return and has spread. She now has stage 4. She has a blog where she shares her thoughts</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Calibri, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;"> How Perky Works</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Calibri, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; line-height: normal;">. I'm not a great writer and I'm definitely not doing her justice, but she has positively affected my life and the lives of the young women she serves in our ward (including my daughters). She has an infectious laugh, a beautiful smile and a positive attitude that never stops. She has used her experiences to inspire others and has chosen to make the best out of each day. We recently had a ward fast for her and the spirit in the room when she bore her testimony of how everything would be okay was palpable. Her and her husband were the ones giving comfort to us instead of the other way around. They have said anything that helps you understand the atonement and brings you and your family closer to Christ is good. I would love to see her recognized for the good she has done for so many."</span></i></div>
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This was my first time meeting Christie and I could immediately tell that all the things Nicole said about her were true. She is so positive and has such an uplifting spirit.</div>
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Here is her story...</div>
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I had my whole life planned out. I was
going to wear crinkle top polyester pants and have 88 blazing candles
on my last birthday cake. It’s all I ever wanted to be when I grew
up- an old woman.</div>
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For some reason, it’s always been my
magical age: 88.</div>
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It’s not so much about what I would
be but <i>who</i> I would be. All of life’s lessons would be
wrapped up in a neat, wrinkled, little old lady package. I wanted
that. I wanted to be a lady beaming with wisdom, insight, and
experience. I wanted to grow up to be my very best self.</div>
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And I knew age would give me that, even
if it came with memory lapses and dentures.
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I told my Heavenly Father my life plan.
I wanted to write books, give sermons, and change the world. I wanted
to be there to pick my kids up when the world scrapes their knees. I
wanted to see my children cross personal oceans and discover promised
lands. I wanted to help my husband grow lilac bushes that mimic
decade distant floral perfume (because I won’t let him plant granny
bushes while I’m still in my youth).</div>
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<a href="" name="_GoBack"></a>But for years I
felt there was a trial coming. I’ve known it for most of my
marriage. But a little whispering told me that regardless of my plan,
He had a plan for me. Maybe there was something more for me. More,
not less. God was kind and prepared me and my family for this trial.
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Out of the blue, my kids started
praying that we would know what to do when times were hard. They
prayed for this every day for about a year.</div>
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I wondered what they meant by that.</div>
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Then in May of 2013 my life took a
turn. I was diagnosed with invasive ductile carcinoma with lobular
features. In a nutshell, I had two types of breast cancer. I was 34
years old. Though I believe I had the best possible doctors, my
mastectomy revealed a remaining cancer finger and a report that
cancer had spread to my lymph nodes: which means it could have
travelled anywhere else in my body.</div>
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So the doctors were very aggressive
with my chemo and radiation and felt that they got it all. They did
all that they could over that year. I lost all of my hair, taste
buds, and energy but I was on the road to better days. Or so we
thought.</div>
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After treatments my focus on life was
more driven. My hair grew back in (even though it reflected a hyper
poodle) and I was enjoying cheesecake again. I started a blog about
the goodness of life and highlighted parts of my cancer journey. I
spoke at several group gatherings. I watched my boys learn important
life skills, and I even I visited hospitals and kissed more abrasions
than I ever had with my kids. Life was good.</div>
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But about 18 months after my last
treatment, a constant and gradual decline in energy and a lump in my
neck and on the back of my head revealed that cancer had returned. In
February 2016 I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My cancer was
traveling with an illegal passport. You see, I was on a drug that was
supposed to stop the cancer from growing at all. The doctor was in
disbelief.</div>
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Meanwhile, my cancer was living the
dream, vacationing to various parts of my body: the center of my
chest, my lymph nodes, a ribcage, a vertebrae, my right arm, and my
right hip. But, all of the spots were small. So that was very good
news. We could get a grip on this.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSBieUqZUgtcU4tWBEmH_nq7TCBba_0xMH1HM155UalpBTYTm86rv9TJMR4Fv3A5rxsMI71ivMJF0p85-SbN65ht1xvR6z-KZimW_Hd-9S9xV129EpBifxpBzi436v3DBxb8xO6QvWZtI/s1600/DSC_0733sp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSBieUqZUgtcU4tWBEmH_nq7TCBba_0xMH1HM155UalpBTYTm86rv9TJMR4Fv3A5rxsMI71ivMJF0p85-SbN65ht1xvR6z-KZimW_Hd-9S9xV129EpBifxpBzi436v3DBxb8xO6QvWZtI/s640/DSC_0733sp.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Though this news was tough, I had a
logical explanation for all of this: God has a plan for me. And
because my plan isn’t His plan doesn’t mean I don’t feel His
love. Not a chance. I am blessed with a strength beyond my own. I
know this because just before I was diagnosed again my 5 year old
started praying for strength.</div>
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And I feel it daily.</div>
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He is near. His angels cushion my pain.
And at diagnosis I felt an overwhelming peace that no matter what
happens it will all be okay. I trust in His plan for me.</div>
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In just 5 short months after my second
diagnosis, my cancer blew up. I now had cancer on every vertebrae and
several more lesions in my premium cancer locations. But a miracle
occurred. By the next PET scan it showed that my lesions in my spine
were healing and the lymph nodes were mostly resolved.</div>
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God does have a plan. And I walk
everyday with full trust in that plan, whatever it is. My gift is
today and I am fully aware of that. He is loving and kind and he
never leaves us without heavenly help.</div>
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Cancer is shaping me exactly into who I
wanted to be. I’m gaining compassion, patience, and appreciation
for bad days because I know it amps up the good days. I get my granny
naps in and I enjoy other people’s lilac bushes.</div>
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Cancer gave me so much more than what I
lost. What a gem. It gave me perspective, more valuable time with my
family, and a messy house. It helped me see and love the value of
today. Today is my gift. I stand in awe with every sunset the
beauties of the day, the tough ones and the good ones.
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I may never get my crinkle top pants.
Who knows? I might. But, just because life doesn’t go the way you
planned doesn’t mean that it won’t all work out. Cancer has given
me oodles of gifts and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The things
I have learned about myself and especially my Heavenly Father are
things that are far more valuable than a comfortable, perfect, life.
And somehow in all of this I believe he is making me into the best
person I can be.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiutUPCfRJxLnJA-hIKHi2mXOkmMOB4qvm0AVJXDudI4LKiYHYywgAc_l_kSwcaxXBjjLjPETdZXGrNhSNvhg58IrZnJJxVllWqNDC3SSIYIymzFW3mp1La0gy1i3L9W-OoUaiucdllH3w/s1600/DSC_0753sg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiutUPCfRJxLnJA-hIKHi2mXOkmMOB4qvm0AVJXDudI4LKiYHYywgAc_l_kSwcaxXBjjLjPETdZXGrNhSNvhg58IrZnJJxVllWqNDC3SSIYIymzFW3mp1La0gy1i3L9W-OoUaiucdllH3w/s640/DSC_0753sg.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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His plan is perfect. I understand that
my own life plan lacks the perspective my Heavenly Father has for me.
I fully trust in him.</div>
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Because, you know what, I have full
confidence that His plan is better. And I’m not going to battle
with that. </div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-70764126151732589392016-07-28T14:39:00.000-07:002016-07-28T18:55:17.899-07:00INSPIRING WOMAN {Janna Davidson}<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This months inspiring woman is Janna! She is going through something that seems unbearable and yet every time I have been around her she is always smiling. She is truly one of the most positive people I have ever met. She is fighting a battle that is bigger than herself and she fights it for those around her. For her children, her husband, her family and friends. She won't give up and that is truly inspiring in itself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here is her story...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have always been a firm believer that Heavenly Father would never give me more than I could handle. I believed that until last fall. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">October 5th, 2015 my life changed forever. I found a lump in my abdomen. It wasn't painful and I wasn't worried. I work at an OBGYN clinic so I had my doctor check it out. He thought it was just a large ovarian cyst. Who knows how long I would've waited to go into the doctor had I not worked there. He did an ultrasound the same day and clarified that it was a large solid mass. I got a CT scan and was told it was a 16 cm ovarian tumor. It was large. I was referred to an OBGYN oncologist at St. Marks hospital a few days later. She was amazing and calmed my nerves. We were told best case scenario, she would remove the tumor and it would be benign. Worst case scenario, it would be cancerous and we would take it from there. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had surgery on October 15, 2015 to get the tumor removed. I was calm and joked with everyone we came in contact with. We had named the tumor Dwight because he was about the size of a small baby. I reminded everyone that I wanted a picture of the tumor that was making me look 6 months pregnant. I was sure the tumor was benign and I would be okay. There was no way the Lord would give me more than I could handle and I knew I couldn't handle a cancer diagnosis. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My surgery was longer than expected. The OBGYN surgeon got in there and removed the ovary that had been over taken by the tumor and saw something she never expected. She called in a colon/rectal surgeon to help her beyond this point. They found cancer. They found a lot of cancer. They removed part of my large intestine, my appendix, ascending colon, along with my left ovary, uterus, fallopian tubes, and biopsied 15 lymph nodes. The tumor had also grown to 20 cm in less than 10 days. My surgeon was so focused on the cancer she found that she never took a picture of Dwight, but she told me she did spank him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I woke up to the news that I had cancer but it wasn't ovarian cancer. After pathology came back it was officially diagnosed as stage 4 appendiceal adenocarcinoma - a rare and aggressive appendix cancer. This cancer is not curable. I will be on chemo for the rest of my life. I was heartbroken. How could the Lord let me get cancer, let alone stage 4 and so rare. I knew as soon as I got the news that I wanted a blessing. So the night of my surgery, even though I was still super groggy, I had my husband get a hold of my uncle and aunt that live in Sandy and he came and gave me a blessing. My husband, brother and aunt were all there for the amazing blessing that was given. Through my uncle, the Lord told me that I was going to live a long and healthy life and that there was still much for me to do. Heavenly Father was in the room with us that night. Everyone in the room could feel the peace of his presence. I knew that everything was going to be okay. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was in the hospital healing for a week before they let me go home. I missed my kids horribly and couldn't wait to get home. I got home to family and friends who were already up and running with taking care of us. Meals started coming in, kids were being watched, and a fundraiser was in the works along with a gofundme account. The community rallied around or little family. I had never seen anything like it. The Lord knew what was around the corner and knew that we would be well taken care of. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was at this point that I began having nightly conversations with my Father in Heaven. I have always prayed, but I have never been a good listener. I started sincerely pouring my heart out nightly and throughout the day, more than once I got answers and peace. He knew my fears and desires and calmed His child. I didn't tell God how big my cancer is, I told cancer how big my God is. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I met with my oncologist on November 2nd. He was exactly the type of doctor I needed. Once again Heavenly Father was watching out for me. We came up with a plan for chemo and started treatments towards the end of November. I didn't get a prognosis. I didn't want one. How often are doctors right anyway?! Best news of that visit was that I wasn't going to lose my hair. Cancer + Chemo= bald heads. That is something I always believed. I was relieved there was a chemo that I could keep my hair while getting treatments. Heavenly Father knew I needed to keep my hair. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Round 2 of chemo was the beginning of December and I got pretty sick. I couldn't keep anything down and everything I ate made me double over in pain. I was at the cancer center everyday for fluids and labs. I never thought chemo would make me that sick. I was mad. How could this be happening? Heavenly Father had told me I would live a long and healthy life but how could I when chemo was making me this sick. I felt like this was more than I could handle. Then my friend sent me an article about how the Lord will give us more than we can handle. That is the time that He carries us. He asks us to carry all that we can and He will carry the rest of the load. I was finally starting to understand. Come to find out it was most likely a virus and not the chemo that was making me so sick. I finally started to feel better the beginning of January. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I got 6 rounds of the first chemo when we did another PET scan and were told that the cancer was growing and the chemo wasn't working. We started a second type of chemo that had the dreaded side effect of hair loss. It took me a really long time to come to terms with losing my hair. I felt like my hair defined me. I wasn't going to let chemo take my hair from me, it was going to be on my terms so I decided we needed to have a hair shaving party!! We had a BBQ and a piñata!! What's a party without a piñata?! That made the initial shock of losing my hair not so bad because everyone around me was bald. Friends and family both joined in the shaving and we had quite the pile of hair when all was said and done. It was when everyone's hair started growing back in that it got hard. I felt very vulnerable having no hair. Everyone can tell you that you look beautiful but if you don't believe it yourself, no one can make you feel beautiful. I was doing relatively fine until my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out. I looked like an alien. I hated looking in the mirror before I penciled eyebrows back on. I am just now feeling good enough about myself to go out of the house without a wig but not with out eyebrows. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After 10 rounds of the new chemo, I started to feel something wasn't right. I talked to the PA at the cancer center and we got another PET scan. Sure enough, the cancer was growing again. One thing about this cancer is it is as stubborn as I am. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have had 20 rounds of chemo and have just started my third type. It is called FULFIRI (full furry) and it better work as good as it's name. I feel good about this chemo. I go in every other week for IV infusion and then leave with a chemo pump that is hooked up to my port that pumps chemo into my system for 46 hours. I get to wear an awesome IHC fanny pack with the pump in it. The side effects aren't awesome with this one but on a good note, my hair is growing back in.</span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have grown so much over the past 9 months. My relationship with my Heavenly Father is stronger than ever. I know that He is aware of me. I have learned that there is nothing more important than the here and now. You never know when it's going to be your last day or the last day of someone you love. I hug my kids a little tighter and a little longer. Don't procrastinate letting those around you know how much you care about them. I have also learned that I have a huge support system. People I know and those I don't. There are good people in the world. We hear so much about the bad, and not enough about the good. I am so fortunate to have such amazing family and friends. Life is never what we expect it to be. I have learned that we just have to roll with the punches and rely on Heavenly Father and those around us to hold us up when we can no longer do it for ourselves. I don't know if I'll be around for driving, first dates, graduations, missions or weddings. I don't know if I'll ever meet my grand kids here on this earth. I do know that the Lord has a plan and it's going to be okay. Even if it's not okay, it's okay.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Lord has given me more than I can handle and that's okay. </span></div>
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</span>Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-18678638773419633962016-06-28T15:11:00.001-07:002016-06-28T15:11:47.169-07:00INSPIRING WOMAN {Megan Barney}This months inspiring woman is Megan....<br />
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We have known each other for a long time but I recently ran into her and learned about all the crazy things she has been going through over the last 2 years. I was blown away and felt horrible that I didn't know. I wish I could have been there to help her in some way! She is truly an amazing mom and is raising an amazing little girl. Her Olivia is a breathing miracle. She was sent from heaven fighting for her life from the very beginning. I can't even imagine what this little family has been through. Even through everything though, Megan has that sweet smile on her face that she has had as long as I can remember! She is a great example of faith, sacrifice, and hope.<br />
<br />
Here is her story...<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I believe that each of us, at some
point, have a moment when we can use the word “perfect” to
describe our lives. In May of 2014, life was precisely this for me
and for my husband. Perfect. We were finally settling into our brand
new house; I had just accepted a full-time nursing position with
Intermountain Healthcare, putting us both in full-time job positions;
a summer filled with hiking, swimming, BBQs and fun was just around
the corner. It wasn’t until the first week of June that we found
out our lives would hit a forte in perfection. That week, after a
missed period, those two little blue lines appeared on a home
pregnancy test… Actually, it was four pregnancy tests with two blue
lines before I truly believed I wasn’t imagining it.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Appointments were made and blood work
was done. Because I am a private, conservative, play-it-safe kind of
person, and having a career in healthcare I was well aware that it
isn’t uncommon for things not to go as planned early in a
pregnancy. Because of this, and per my request, I made my husband
promise he wouldn’t tell a soul until we got past our first
trimester. Plus, who doesn’t like a good secret?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In a matter of days, my results were in
and unfortunately, it wasn’t exactly the news I had expected to
hear. We were informed that my lab results pointed to positive
pregnancy, but that the hCG levels weren’t increasing at the
expected intervals, which could possibly indicate an ectopic
pregnancy. With this being a possible reason for the hCG levels, our
doctor sent us in for an early ultrasound.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">With an estimated gestation date of
about six and half weeks, we went in for an ultrasound on June 17. To
our relief, I was indeed pregnant and the baby was right where it
needed to be. In the following days, the expected pregnancy symptoms
began to become more prevalent: frequent bathroom trips at all hours
of the day, some nausea and vomiting, and extreme exhaustion. I had
also been informed that “spotting” was normal and that it should
subside within those six weeks; however, mine seemed to be getting
worse. Throughout the next month, my “spotting” turned into
on-and-off bleeding with no possible explanation. No cramping, no
contractions, just enough blood to make us all uneasy. With this
being a concern, I was scheduled for weekly ultrasounds to assess my
health as well as the health of our growing baby. Week to week, the
doctor couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary and baby seemed
to be just fine. In addition to our weekly ultrasounds, I was given
progesterone tablets and instructions to take it as easy as I
possibly could. We were about 5 days away from being “out of the
woods” and reaching the second trimester and we were ready to share
our exciting news with our families. Even though we were still seeing
abnormal bleeding, baby was good, I was good, everything was still
good.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That night, on July 20, around 2 a.m. I
woke up to find myself soaked through with fluid. Not urine. Not
normal. And definitely not good. After a minute of trying to wrap my
head around what was possibly happening, I took a few minutes to
focus on how I felt. I wasn’t in any pain, I wasn’t bleeding, but
deep down I had a horrible feeling of dread. Trying not to panic but
not knowing what to do, I woke up my husband and told him what had
happened. After some discussion but not knowing what more we could do
at that point, and realizing a trip to the ER wouldn’t be
necessary, I said a silent prayer for comfort and was able to fall
asleep. I remember that following morning very clearly. I remember
waking up and wondering if I had dreamt everything that had happened
the night before. As I laid there in my bed I remember physically
feeling…. different. Emptier. I finally came to the realization
that it really did happen, I called my doctor as soon as the clinic
opened and he told us to come in right away. Upon arriving to the
clinic, I immediately filled him in on every little detail I could
and was taken back for an ultrasound.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The minute the screen lit up on the
machine, I already knew what had happened before it was even
confirmed. My water had broken. There was my baby on the screen with
no fluid surrounding it, seemingly being crushed by my own body. Just
days before, I had seen my baby on the monitor moving around with
enough room to wiggle his or her arms and legs. Now I was looking at
a baby-shaped mass barely able to move, but with a heartbeat going
strong. My doctor tenderly offered me his hand and gently helped me
sit up and with tears in his eyes he said, “I am so sorry.”</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6lXfkwzg0hGfCGtr_BJTDvD8Iba2jbs023vMr_YWbJtpUsv4n_x4sKzR8fP1zpUo0uG7Vb8tsj-VtrFBSzuf9TLFCkIAV11ugRMmWW3A0IadstjU8qTa-Hae5Z-pbtplQDEJOlWhuAXQ/s1600/DSC_0668.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6lXfkwzg0hGfCGtr_BJTDvD8Iba2jbs023vMr_YWbJtpUsv4n_x4sKzR8fP1zpUo0uG7Vb8tsj-VtrFBSzuf9TLFCkIAV11ugRMmWW3A0IadstjU8qTa-Hae5Z-pbtplQDEJOlWhuAXQ/s640/DSC_0668.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Before he was able to say anything
else, I blurted out my assumption that my water broke, to which he
replied, “I’m afraid so.” Unable to contain my emotion anymore,
I also broke down and cried. He confirmed my fears that my water had
indeed broken and explained that with ruptured membranes at 12 weeks
gestation, we would expect to have our baby miscarry within 24 to 48
hours. Not knowing what more he could do for us at that point, he
prepared us for the worst, educated us on signs and symptoms to watch
for that could indicate an infection, scheduled a follow-up
appointment for the next day, and we left the office with the
heaviest of hearts. I felt numb. It was like having an out of body
experience, or having a nightmare where all you can do is wait to
wake up; to come back to reality. But I never did wake up. This WAS
my reality, and there was no escaping. It was all I could do to put
one foot in front of the other to get to the car where I had to let
myself fall apart again, this time alongside my husband. The pain of
what was happening in that moment shook me to my core. To this day, I
still don’t know how I survived my entire work day without telling
anyone what had happened and was able to focus on those patients in
my care. There were no words that could describe the sorrow of simply
waiting for our little one to pass and I couldn’t wrap my head
around what was in store for us in the coming days.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That night my husband and I prayed more
fervently than we had in a long time. We poured our whole souls out
to the Lord in prayer. We prayed for a miracle if it would be
according to the Lord’s Will. We also felt prompted to pray for
strength to accept the Lord’s will, whatever that would be. We
prayed that whatever was to come, that it would all work out and that
somehow we would be okay. We prayed and prayed and prayed. That night
we went to bed physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The next day came, the bleeding had
stopped, we went for our follow-up appointment and despite the
minimal amount of fluid, our baby’s heartbeat was still going
strong. In addition to all of this, I still physically felt fine. As
with any pregnancy, the risk of infection increases dramatically once
those membranes are broken; however, being a type 1 diabetic, my risk
of infection was practically through the roof. It was truly a miracle
I had not had any infection set in yet.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The weekly ultrasound appointments
continued for several weeks and small amounts of fluid would build up
but continued to leak out; however, with no other notable changes and
with our baby still growing and having a good strong heartbeat, our
doctor felt it best that we follow up with some specialists and high
risk OB-GYN professionals in St. George since in his book we were now
in uncharted waters.</span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">At this point, we felt it was best that
we break the news to our parents. A week or so later, we had our
first appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor at Dixie
Regional. After watching the ultrasound tech and doctor squint at the
ultrasound screen and shake their heads in attempt to take
measurements of the baby and fluid amount, the doctor said we could
talk some more in the back office. Not knowing exactly what was going
to be said, I sat down at a table in a little office area and waited
for what would come next. Watching the doctor, I could tell the news
he had for me was not going to be good; that what was already bad was
about to get worse if it were possible.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Over the previous weeks since my water
broke, I thought I had a pretty good idea of the possible outcome and
had already started building a protective wall around my already
broken heart so that I could be ready to accept this loss, whenever
that would be. I knew the basics of what our situation meant: that
our baby would most likely not survive and that if he or she did,
there would certainly be some major issues. The doctor confirmed my
thoughts as he sat and discussed possible outcomes with us (mental or
physical retardations or both, the possibility of infection or
hemorrhaging for me as the baby continued to grow), but it wasn’t
until he started discussing treatment options that I realized that my
situation was going to get a lot more complicated.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I will never, ever forget the awful
sick feeling I had as I sat and had my options laid out in front of
me: a) Wait for my body to manage it by itself, meaning eventually
get an infection, hemorrhage, or miscarry, any of which could away
take my ability to have more children, or worse, my own life, or b)
Schedule an elective termination.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After explaining what is done for an
elective termination, the doctor shared his personal opinion. He felt
strongly regarding elective termination, in relation to the logistics
of it in my situation. I wasn’t pushed to make a decision right
then, but was encouraged to consider my options, and to make a
decision sooner than later. And just like that, my world shattered
again. I kept thinking I would wake up from this horrifyingly,
twisted nightmare, but reality hit hard again as the seriousness of
my situation sunk in. My options were laid out very plainly, but
instead of clearing things up, it muddled it even more. In my
situation, there was no black and white. I thanked the doctor for the
information and declined having to make a decision that day.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">On my ride home I was overcome by so
many different emotions. I had never felt more lost, alone or
hopeless than I did leaving that appointment. I was angry at my body
for not being able to just work like it should in creating a safe
place for my baby to grow and develop. I was broken hearted that I
had not even had a chance to truly celebrate this little person and
the beauty of pregnancy with family and loved ones. I was scared that
I would HAVE to make the decision of elective termination if I did
get an infection.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The coming days were filled with
prayer, fasting, pondering, and many, many tears. After a lot of
prayer and fasting, we decided to move forward with the waiting game
and the hope that everything would work out how it was supposed to.
We felt that we had been blessed and watched over to this point, so
now it was our turn to step into the darkness with faith that we
would be watched over a little longer. It was about this point in our
lives that I noticed our prayers changed from praying for a miracle,
to praying for a miscarriage so we wouldn’t have to make the
decision to terminate the pregnancy.</span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We continued to pray for strength to
accept the Lord’s will no matter the outcome. The weeks dragged on
and I continued to lose fluid on and off. I continued to work-full
time and did my best to hide my growing belly so I didn’t have to
get into the details of my situation with patients I barely knew. My
privacy of the situation was, in a way, my healing balm. It
protected me from the “helpful input” from others or the, “Well,
if I were you…” comments.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Even though each new day brought new
emotions and challenges, it also gave me new perspective and made it
easier for me to find happiness in the little things. I had
especially grown fond of my weekly ultrasounds and looked forward to
and even expected to hear that little heartbeat. I also continued to
see a specialist from Murray every couple of weeks to get more
insight on our developing situation.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Surprisingly, I eventually made it to
24 weeks and saw the specialist from Murray again who brought in a
neonatologist to further assess our situation. The neonatologist
asked a lot of questions and marveled at our story. As with the other
doctors I had dealt with thus far, I was a unique, one-of-a-kind
situation. The doctor explained he had read a case where a woman’s
water broke at 14 weeks and delivered at 24, the baby had survived
but suffered from cerebral palsy among other issues. Other than that,
I had nothing more to go off of to give me any hope to hold onto for
an optimistic outcome. During our visit, we learned that one of our
biggest concerns at that point was if our baby’s lungs had
developed enough for him or her to survive. In the womb, the baby
needs fluid to help in proper physical and functional development of
the lungs; they practice breathing by “breathing” the fluid. We
were told that the structure of the lungs are usually fully developed
at about 16 weeks and in the coming weeks the tiny detailed functions
fine-tune; however, in my situation, no one could tell for sure if
the lungs had had time to develop <i>enough</i>. In addition to the
lungs, the baby needs the fluid to be able to move the joints freely
so they can properly develop. Long story short, we were informed that
at this point, if our baby did make it, the chances were high of he
or she having physical malformities (clubbed feet or hands, deformed
head shape, contractures) but it would most likely have some form
mental problem as well. Not only that, but I was still a high risk
for severe infection or hemorrhage. We were also advised that at this
point, being 24 weeks along, the baby would be considered viable,
meaning life-saving measures would be taken when our little one
decided to come. Because of this, they advised me to consider being
admitted to Dixie Regional for steroid therapy (to speed up any
possible lung development) and be put on bedrest until I reached 34
weeks.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We were shocked! Was there a chance?
Even if there were issues, did we actually have a chance our baby
could survive? After being told “no” so often, were we actually
hearing a “yes”? After some discussion and a lot more prayer, we
asked our doctor if it would be possible to admit when I got to 28
weeks since I had already made it this far. We got the “OK” and I
was put on the schedule to be admitted to Dixie Regional in St.
George.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">On November 10, at 28 weeks I was
admitted to the hospital and introduced to my new “home” and way
of life for the next 6 weeks. Overnight my life literally was turned
upside down. I went from working full-time and keeping busy (which
helped me stay sane) to sitting, sitting, and more sitting. I was
allowed to go outside in a wheelchair, but only if I had someone who
could take me. Weekly ultrasounds, daily monitoring, nurse and
doctors’ assessments, beeping and humming of machines, and hospital
food quickly became the norm.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">By the time I had been there for two
weeks, I felt like I had been there for an eternity. During this
time, I found I had a lot of time to myself; time to think…. and
over-think. It didn’t help to have pregnancy hormones on top of
everything else. Just like anything, I had my ups and downs. Some
days I would be at peace with things and truly felt like it could
actually work out, that we would have a baby that would survive and
no matter what difficulties he or she had, they would be so, so
loved. I even started allowing myself to shop online for baby
clothes. I began to allow myself to feel. It was amazing how, without
realizing it, I had become so deeply connected to this little person
I didn’t even know yet. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for
trying to block out those feelings and that connection in order to
protect my own heart, but with so much unknown, I wasn’t ready to
be hurt again.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Other days were unbearable as the
reality hit me that all of this could be for nothing, all of this
sitting, waiting, and hoping. The burden hung heavy at times when I
realized, as I had been told, that my baby could be born and we would
have to watch our little one struggle to breathe with underdeveloped
lungs until he or she passed on. The thought haunted me and made for
many sleepless nights. It was in those moments a little voice in my
head would remind me that I was doing all I could to give our little
one the best chance they had and that what I couldn’t control was
in the Lord’s hands. Those days of hopelessness in that lonely
hospital room were probably some of my darkest times I have ever had
to experience in my life.
</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY3uWSix7EcjgB5b8NPQomynkau3GgyK91krLq5KGy5kyKjbMAa6Aoh_vFtdE5FBqe9_AIyXGdjovRdXP_RRSvO7SMLrD4wJf6qVEr3DHemCQoBMZN3OK98tYFXfjOUvyvJjBq8AjN2xE/s1600/DSC_0709.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY3uWSix7EcjgB5b8NPQomynkau3GgyK91krLq5KGy5kyKjbMAa6Aoh_vFtdE5FBqe9_AIyXGdjovRdXP_RRSvO7SMLrD4wJf6qVEr3DHemCQoBMZN3OK98tYFXfjOUvyvJjBq8AjN2xE/s640/DSC_0709.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> During this time of bedrest, I once
again started praying, even begging, for a miracle. I specifically
remember praying and telling Heavenly Father that we would deal with
whatever we needed to if our baby could just survive. While in the
hospital, I remember reading a quote from the April 2014 Ensign in
the talk given by President Boyd K. Packer titled, ‘The Savior’s
Selfless and Sacred Sacrifice’. It stated, “I firmly believe that
no experience or opportunity essential for redemption and salvation
will be denied you who live faithfully. Remain worthy; be hopeful,
patient, and prayerful. Things have a way of working out. The gift of
the <a href="http://lds.org/study/topics/holy-ghost?lang=eng">Holy
Ghost</a> will guide you and direct your actions”.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Never had a quote rung more true than
it did for me with my situation. I knew I wasn’t alone in any of
this even if sometimes it felt that way. Not only did I come across
little treasures like this in my quiet times of need, but when I was
admitted to my hospital stay, I had saved on my phone screen a
portion of a quote from President Gordon B. Hinckley that simply
read, “It Will All Work Out” and boy did I anchor my entire being
to that phrase!
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The days continued to crawl by.
Thanksgiving came and we celebrated in my hospital room with real,
non-hospital food, and before we knew it December had come. What a
beautiful time of year it was to find myself in such difficult
circumstances. As the weeks went on, I found so many reasons to by
thankful and began finding small things to be grateful for each day.
Certain things that had become ordinary in my routine life became
extraordinary.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My daily monitoring became a source of
comfort in knowing that at least in that moment things were good, my
baby was alive and well. Some of the nurses and doctors who cared for
me every day became more than acquaintances to me, they were my
friends. Friends who cheered me on when we met weekly milestones of
my baby still going strong. The tender mercies of good weather made
it possible for me to not have to spend many nights alone by allowing
my family to travel from Cedar City to St. George to be with me.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">T</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">here were more things to be grateful
for than I could count. Before we knew it I made it to 34 weeks
gestation, and since nothing had varied from the continued fluid
build-up and leak out routine, our induction date was upon us.
Amazingly enough, in the days leading up to that date, a calm came
over us and there was no worry that weighed on our minds. In fact, we
were looking forward to meeting our little one and knew that
everything would be alright. Uncertainty always remained, but doubt
and fear of having our baby not make it was replaced with peace that
no matter the outcome, everything would be okay.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR3lf4-Ff8Vxko73Qe38l3M9akLP48klL-2qhp5_spiaVK4SKGkwLJ8A20KZKzbdpmeite1kxAjH7ze3TgeqU-JYTAnbyKm5mDKroED1FdD1gKP_k2DgsWeTDpdZiPyli8xVJvHJO0Fu8/s1600/DSC_0591mbwk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR3lf4-Ff8Vxko73Qe38l3M9akLP48klL-2qhp5_spiaVK4SKGkwLJ8A20KZKzbdpmeite1kxAjH7ze3TgeqU-JYTAnbyKm5mDKroED1FdD1gKP_k2DgsWeTDpdZiPyli8xVJvHJO0Fu8/s640/DSC_0591mbwk.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> After a rough and very long labor, our
3 pound 15 ounce baby girl was born, and once again, for that
fleeting moment, everything was perfect. Too soon for my liking she
was whisked away for immediate monitoring to assess the situation of
her condition and me being the already protective mom I was, sent my
husband along too. Before long, my husband returned to the room
carrying the tiniest, sweetest package I had ever laid eyes on! She
was wide-eyed, content, and very much alive. Not only that, but she
was free from cords, tubes, assistive breathing devices, even
supplemental oxygen. She was alive, beautiful, and had a healthy set
of fully functioning lungs. I was informed that the respiratory
support team, who was on standby and waiting for this delivery, never
had to do anything to assist her in breathing. Their services were
dismissed and they left, shaking their heads in unbelief. She was a
living, BREATHING miracle. So many emotions came flooding over me as
I realized that so many things that had only been impossible were now
possible and that my life was changed forever in the best way
possible.
</span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Over the next four-and-a-half weeks,
our little Olivia was in the NICU with her only diagnosis being
prematurity. Since she did have some “packaging issues” from
being so scrunched up for so long, she was born with a club foot, her
right knee was hyperextended and dislocated, and both hips were
dislocated, so even I will admit, it was a bit of a shock the first
time I got a good look at her, but seeing her sleeping comfortably
put me at a little more ease.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Over the course of the following
months, I ended up needing to have a surgical procedure related to
retained placenta and ended up with a serious infection, tubo-ovarian
abscesses, and had to do 5 more days in the hospital again on IV
antibiotics, and yet somehow, we still made it through.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu9CtWSugzy5amI-uEJF4eR0hrJr_XWq-IaCmoSZ55O5RiQ1ZFMqKo9GUXutDBYOw6K1h_mipFVhyphenhypheniw5HSQ8WP4Es4zF-geNXq7IgNA1Asuher1bB8OoSxDePrjccc6RUMUGPPjcTwVvw/s1600/DSC_0597.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu9CtWSugzy5amI-uEJF4eR0hrJr_XWq-IaCmoSZ55O5RiQ1ZFMqKo9GUXutDBYOw6K1h_mipFVhyphenhypheniw5HSQ8WP4Es4zF-geNXq7IgNA1Asuher1bB8OoSxDePrjccc6RUMUGPPjcTwVvw/s640/DSC_0597.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Fast forward to now, Olivia is a happy,
healthy, silly little 18 month-old. She likes animals, stickers,
trucks, balloons, coloring with crayons, and her family. Over the
course of this last year, we have been through multiple splintings,
castings and different types of braces for her legs, a lot of
physical therapy, Achilles tendon surgery, two hip surgeries, one
with a femur reduction, and 18 weeks in a spica cast (body cast) and
she is <i>still</i> smiling! Even though things have been rough and
we still have a long, unknown journey ahead, we continue to move
forward every day with the hope and faith that as with anything in
life, things will have a way of working out.</span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> In hopes of sharing some valuable
insight I received from an article I read about a year ago, I
couldn’t not share this wonderful quote:
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“<span lang="en">Men and women desire
miracles because of their beneficial nature. They often come with a
timestamp reading, “Please grant immediately.” But part of the
principle of faith needed for miracles is trusting in the Lord’s
timetable. Sister Susan Tanner, then Young Women general president,
said in the April 2008 general conference, “I delight in the Lord’s
mercies and miracles. I know that His tender mercies and His
miracles, large and small, are real. They come in His way and on His
timetable” </span>
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span lang="en"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span lang="en"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mormon 9:19 reads: “And
if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God
of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto
you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth
not to be God, and is a God of miracles.”’</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In voicing my testimony alongside this
quote, I know that miracles happen today, and not always how or when
we expect them. Some are big and others are small, but they are there
and they do come. Every day is a gift and every day we have
opportunities to see miracles all around us if we will just look. I
owe everything to my Father in Heaven and I know that it is only
through the Atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ, that I have been,
and still am able to overcome the trials and tribulations of this
life. Even though life can be hard, the miracles that come are <i>always</i>
worth it.</span></div>
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<br />Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-85548716486179949212016-05-31T13:42:00.000-07:002016-05-31T13:42:12.767-07:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Skye Longhurst}<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This months inspiring woman is Skye...</div>
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Her testimony of God and His plan for each of us is undeniable. Her words have helped heal my heart and gave me hope that all will work out in the end. Skye is an amazing mama, wife, friend, and person. She is the first woman I have asked in person to share their story, her reaction to my question gave me an instant feeling of peace. I knew she was supposed be May's inspiring woman. She was so humble and so touched. It surprised me how surprised she was that I wanted her to share her story. She seriously has no idea how inspiring she really is. I am so grateful she was willing to share. </div>
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Here is her story....</div>
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My name is Skye Longhurst. I’ve been
married to the most wonderful man, Bracken for almost 11 years. We
have four beautiful children we get to raise in this life, and two
more who were only with us for a short time. Our two oldest
children, Hayes and Kamri were relatively easy pregnancies. With
Hayes I had some complications at first and learned I had a
bicornuate uterus that makes me high risk for pre-term labor and
placental abruption. The placenta did end up tearing at 38 weeks so
he was delivered by C-section. Kamri’s pregnancy was smooth sailing
until I was in the hospital, in labor, fully dilated and complete
when the doctor checked me and the baby was breech. Kamri was
delivered by C-section as well. Born 3 days before her due date, she
was my largest baby at 8 lbs 13 oz. Although the complications at
the time were scary, both of our children were healthy so we were not
nervous when we decided to get pregnant with our third.</div>
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We moved to Las Vegas, NV when I was 14
weeks pregnant. Even though the decision to move had been done with a
lot of prayer and I knew we were making the right choice, it was
really hard for me. I often questioned why we had to leave a good
job and a place and people we loved to move where we knew only a few
people and Bracken would have no income because he was attending law
school. One night, when I was 26 weeks along, I started bleeding. We
called my dad’s cousin who was the only family we knew well in Las
Vegas at the time. She came and stayed with our kids while we rushed
to the hospital.</div>
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That night was full of a lot of pain
and waiting. The specialist on call was trying to determine what was
causing my bleeding and trying to get contractions to stop. They
weren’t successful and my doctor came in (even though he wasn’t
on call so the hospital never called him) and took over the
situation. I’m not sure why it wasn’t obvious before that it was
a placental abruption since I had that with Hayes and everything was
pointing to it being the same. Our doctor sprang into action to help
me deliver the baby, I pushed once, he gave me a numbing shot (which
were super painful) then an episiotomy, (now grateful for the numbing
shot) and I pushed once more. After one more push the doctor could
see the baby’s face presentation was wrong and the baby’s heart
rate was dipping. The baby’s little body couldn’t handle more
stress so my doctor yelled for an emergency C-section. What happened
next was a blur of movement, nurses throwing sheets, lifting me onto
a wheeled bed, holding my arms and legs as they splashed me down with
antiseptic solution. I was out in ten seconds as they rushed me down
the hall. One minute pure panic, then nothing. Bracken was left
alone in a room that looked like a crime scene, not knowing what
would happen to me or our baby. Dane P was born Sunday, November 15,
2009 he was 2 lbs, 6 oz and 14 inches long.</div>
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Monday and Tuesday were full of visits
to the NICU from my hospital room, updates from the nurses and
doctors, and many visitors from people in our church and a couple we
became friends with from law school. I was so grateful for every
single visitor while Bracken was away at class. Most of them didn’t
know me well but came and provided me comfort and a temporary
distraction from all the stress. The doctors had told us that being
born at 26 weeks Dane had an 80 % survival rate. It seemed like none
of them were worried that he would die, just what minor setbacks we
would have and what would be done to fix them. I was worried but
truly felt peace from all the visitors, calls, text messages and
prayers that were said on our behalf. Another tender mercy was one of
the nurses who worked there was in my ward at church. I had only met
her once before I got to the hospital, but she took care of me on one
shift and made sure I had the best nurses for other shifts.</div>
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Wednesday morning the NICU called and
the doctor wanted to meet with me and Bracken. A whole group of
doctors and social workers came into our room and we knew it wouldn’t
be good. We were given the news that ultimately our son wasn’t
going to make it and we needed to prepare to say goodbye. The doctor
was choking up as he told us the news, and I kept thinking that this
can’t be real. One of those bad dreams. We talked to a second
doctor the next morning and he unfortunately had the same conclusion.</div>
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Thursday night Bracken and I held our
son for the first and last time. It was a tender mercy from our
Heavenly Father that we were able to hold him as he passed away. It
was the hardest thing, the worst thing, and yet the most amazing
thing I had ever done. There is nothing to describe the mixture of
utter heartbreak and complete peace that I felt. I know that my love
is not perfect but the love I felt for Dane was so immense, I can
only imagine how strong God’s perfect love is for all of us. As I
sat there holding my baby as he took his last breaths, I was in
despair but enveloped in pure love. November 19, 2009 was the day
that cemented in my heart the importance and truth that families are
eternal.
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Two weeks later, I was sitting in
church and we were singing hymn number 97, “Lead, Kindly Light.”
The words struck me as I sang. The first sentence seemed to be my
life the two weeks before, <i>'Lead, kindly Light,
amid th'encircling gloom..' </i>There were days that I
still felt gloomy but when I would think about all Heavenly Father
has blessed me with and the experience of holding Dane, I felt His
Light carrying me on.</div>
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Besides having lost a baby, I also
grieved over life not going as Bracken and I had planned. It had
seemed perfect, Hayes and Kamri were 21 months apart and I
loved it. Kamri and Dane were going to be 21 months apart
and now we didn’t even get to have him with us. Why couldn't it
just go like I had planned, <i>'I loved to choose and see my
path; but now, Lead thou me on!'</i> but I started to realize (oh so
slowly) that Heavenly Father does know what he's doing, he does love
us, and we need to sit back and realize how little we can really
control that happens in our lives. But oh how much HE cares for
everyone. And even if life doesn't go how we planned it, we'll be
better for it because it goes how He planned it.</div>
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About 9 months after we had baby Dane
we felt like it was time to get pregnant again. When I was about 20
weeks pregnant I was hit with a bout of anxiety. In some ways, I had
been in denial that anything bad could happen again and I suddenly
realized that one loss didn’t negate the possibility of another. I
was frozen in our rocking chair with fear when I had a sudden small
prompting to study hope. I grabbed my scriptures and studied
everything I could find about hope. I was filled with a feeling of
peace. Even if things didn’t work out again, I could be filled with
hope, that through Jesus Christ’s atonement and temple covenants we
could be an eternal family.
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I ended up on full bedrest at 26 weeks,
although not ideal, we were grateful to keep our baby in there
cooking! This pregnancy humbled me. I’m a very independent person
but being on bedrest I had to have help with our two older kids.
Bracken went to law school full time and would come home and take
over everything I usually did. People we barely knew brought us
meals. For two weeks, friends and acquaintances took turns taking my
kids for the day while Bracken was at school. Family took my kids for
a week at a time and finally one of my cousin’s sacrificed two
months of her life to come live with us and care for my kids. I don’t
see many of them on a daily basis anymore but I think of them often.
The love that so many people showed my family I will never forget.</div>
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Our beautiful baby girl, Lyla Hope, was
born 6 weeks early in April 2011. She was 5 lbs 1oz. Even though she
was in the NICU for two weeks, none of it was for life threatening
reasons. Her calm demeanor helped to heal our hearts. I’ll never
forget the look on Hayes’ & Kamri’s faces when we finally
brought her home to them. Pure love shone through their faces as they
held this little baby sister they had waited and prayed so long for.</div>
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We had another beautiful baby boy,
Hansen, join our family in February 2013. My pregnancy with him was
similar to Lyla’s. Weekly shots, bi-weekly appointments, lots of
praying and nervousness. I would lay down multiple times during the
day to try and avoid full bedrest. Thankfully, this time around I was
able to be up more. Hansen was born at 34 weeks as well, weighing 4
lbs 15 oz. He was also in the NICU for two weeks. We probably seemed
a bit odd to the nurses since we were so calm about him being there.
Hansen has the funniest personality. He spreads happiness to everyone
he interacts with. I really believe that my children were born in the
order and time they were for a reason. We would need Hansen’s
cheerfulness for what was to come.</div>
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When Hansen was 4 months old we moved
back to Cedar City where this story all started. As much as I hated
Las Vegas when we moved there, I had come to love it and it was
really hard to move away, even if it was moving to my hometown! From
the time Hansen was a few months old I had this incessant feeling
that I needed to decide what to do about more children in our family.
Were we done, should we get pregnant again, should we do foster care
and adopt? We spent a year and a half praying, discussing, and
searching for what we should do. We met with a foster care recruiter
and an OB/GYN doctor here in town to discuss different options hoping
we’d find confirmation in what we should do. Through prayers and
promptings from the Holy Ghost, Bracken and I individually came to
know it was God’s will for us to get pregnant one more time and
that this would be my last pregnancy.</div>
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As expected, this pregnancy was
anything but easy. There were ups and downs from the beginning. One
night the bleeding was so bad that I was sure I had miscarried. A
doctor appointment the next week showed that miraculously there was
still a heartbeat in my womb. I went through my weekly progesterone
shots, bi-weekly appointments and at 18 weeks had a cerclage in hopes
that a stitch would help strengthen my shortening cervix. After three
weeks of bedrest, including missing out on our family vacation
(Bracken is a rock star to take all four kids on his own!) I started
having contractions. They were able to get the contractions to slow
and labor wasn’t progressing so they determined I would be on
bedrest for the rest of my pregnancy in the Saint George hospital. I
was feeling much better and we were optimistic that I could handle a
long hospital stay. Bracken headed back to Cedar to get my things I
would need. About 10 minutes before he made it back to Saint George I
started shaking and felt freezing cold. A nurse came in and took my
temperature. I had a fever. They ran to get the doctor. Bracken came
right as the doctors were discussing what to do. An amniocentesis was
done and found that I had an infection in my uterus. The baby would
have to be delivered.</div>
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Our tiny little girl, Naomi Faith, was
delivered still at 6:22 p.m. on June 11<sup>, </sup>2015. She was 15
oz and 11 inches long. As they handed her to me, I realized the sheer
beauty of being able to deliver a baby and the baby being handed
directly to you. It broke my heart that I was being handed a baby
that would never breathe, who I would never get to know in this life;
but the act of being able to deliver her was a tender mercy. I am
grateful to have been able to experience that instead of having to
have a sixth C-section. Her body was perfectly formed, beautiful
nose, fingers, ears, legs, arms, toes, tongue, eyebrows, hair. It was
all there in miniscule. I couldn’t stop looking at her and saying
I’m so sorry, over and over. My body had let her down.</div>
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<a href="" name="_GoBack"></a>Heartbroken
again, Bracken and I headed home the next day. Hayes and Kamri had
asked after every doctor’s appointment if the baby was still alive.
We dreaded getting home this time and having to tell them no. I had
been home an hour or so, we had told them, and I started feeling
feverish again. I had to go back to the hospital. I spent three more
days in the hospital with IV’s full of antibiotics to save my life.
As hard as it was to go back and sit for three days in the hospital
after everything that had happened, I was filled with gratitude that
through modern medicine I would be able to go home and be with
Bracken and our four living children.</div>
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It has now almost been a year since we
had Naomi and six and a half years from Dane’s. Those two children
have brought our family closer together. Dane & Naomi are talked
about often by their siblings and parents. My children have learned
at a young age that death is not the end and we will see them again.
I have learned and continue to learn the power of Jesus Christ’s
atonement to bear our burdens. There are still days and moments I
struggle with my grief but most of the time I am in awe at Christ’s
power to bear our burdens and make them light.</div>
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I don’t feel like I’m an inspiring
person or that my story is particularly inspiring except that through
these experiences I have come to know of God’s love for me and for
everyone. I have felt God’s love through the hundreds of meals that
have been brought to our house, the hours of care that have been
lovingly given to my kids, the visits, the calls, the text messages
of comfort and support that have been sent and the countless prayers
that have been given on our behalf by friends, family, acquaintances
and strangers. I have been amazed at how many people have reached out
to me at random moments when I have needed it the most.</div>
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I am learning to not be critical of
others’ choices and try my best not to judge. I am not perfect but
these experiences have helped me strive to be better. You never know
all of a person’s backstory. I often get the well-meaning comment
from strangers when they see me with my kids, “Two boys and Two
girls, what a perfect family!!” and while I appreciate that I am
significantly blessed to have the children I have, I can’t help but
think of the two who are missing. I’m grateful that I know this
life isn’t the end, that one day I’ll have my family all together
but until then, I hope to help others feel of Christ’s love for
them by serving them as so many have done for me.</div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-76160698191867125822016-04-11T14:53:00.000-07:002016-04-11T14:56:07.313-07:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Melissa Powell}<div style="line-height: normal; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This months inspiring woman is Melissa Powell. I met Melissa at church when she was pregnant with Kiera. She was so excited to be a mother and couldn't wait to hold her baby in her arms. When Chance and I moved out of that ward we lost contact with many of the couples there. I was friends with Melissa on Facebook and loved seeing pictures of Kiera when she was just a newborn. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I watched Kiera grow and hit mile stones on Facebook. Then one day I read a post that they had just found out that their sweet baby had a brain tumor. My heart broke for their family. It hit me rather hard because at the time I read the news I was feeling down about my situation. I was so upset that I hadn't been able to get pregnant. After reading their news I immediately started crying and became so mad at myself for not being grateful for what I have. As I followed Kiera's story I was continually blown away by Melissa's positive attitude. She was always so full of hope and strength. She bore her testimony on Facebook often and she always touched me so deeply with her words. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I reached out to Melissa a few months ago and asked if she would be willing to share her story. I was so happy when she agreed and we were able to get together for pictures. It was so fun seeing Kiera in person, she is one happy child! I'm grateful for the opportunity to know such an amazing family! I will continue to pray for Kiera and the miracle that she is!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here is Melissa's story....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When we first found out that our sweet fourteen-month-old daughter had a large brain tumor, I could feel my heart shatter inside of my chest. My world came crashing down around me. I was shocked. I was terrified. I couldn’t believe it. The tears came pouring out of my eyes and I couldn’t stop them. I felt physically ill. I was so scared and angry; I begged Heavenly Father not to take my daughter. It didn’t seem fair. We were in the emergency room at the hospital and Kiera was sitting on my lap. I held on to her so tightly, never wanting to let her go. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ten days before this time, Kiera started throwing up her milk. We thought that she had the flu, but it wasn’t going away. Then we thought maybe she had a milk allergy. We talked to her pediatrician who said that it was probably just the flu, but that if she started throwing up dark yellow bile we would need to take her to the emergency room right away. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the tenth day of her sickness (March 23, 2015), I woke up in the morning to the sound of Kiera gagging in her room. I went to get her and I found her lying in a puddle of dark yellow bile. I picked her up and she continued to throw up over and over again. I started to panic. I called my husband Aaron and he came and picked us up and took us straight to the emergency room. I called Kiera’s pediatrician to let her know what was going on, so she called ahead to the hospital to order a catscan. She had a feeling that there might be some pressure on Kiera’s brain. I didn’t think much of it, I just thought that we would get the catscan as a precaution, but I was sure that they wouldn’t find anything unusual in her brain, or anywhere else for that matter. The doctor came into the room with the results of the catscan. She told us that they usually don’t find anything abnormal on these scans, but in this case, they found a tumor. It was on the back of Kiera’s brain and was about the size of a golf ball. We were completely blind-sided. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The next few days were a whirlwind. I cried myself dry, and after a while I just felt numb. I had no idea what was going to happen. I never would have imagined that something like this could ever happen to our family. Aaron was also very emotional during this time. It was difficult to see him crying so hard because he had never done that in front of me before. I was so grateful that he was there with us; I don’t think I could have faced this without him. Numerous doctors, nurses, and specialists bombarded us with information about what was going to be happening in the coming weeks. I only heard bits and pieces of what they said. I was still in shock and in denial. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Kiera cried every time a nurse walked into the hospital room. She knew that they were going to poke her, or hold her down, or bother her in some way. We got very little sleep over the next few days. I was praying to Heavenly Father throughout this whole time, asking Him to bless Kiera, to give her strength, to help her to be safe, and to protect her throughout this hard battle she was facing. I prayed for the doctors that they would know how to best help her. I asked Him to give me strength, and to help me to accept His will. During this time I felt a strong sense of peace come over me. I got a very strong impression that Kiera was going to be alright. I knew it was true. I didn’t know what obstacles we would have to get past in order for her to get better, but I knew that she would be alright. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The doctors told us that Kiera would have to undergo brain surgery to remove the tumor. The morning of Kiera’s brain surgery came and I was so nervous, but I still felt in my heart that she would be alright. I asked Heavenly Father to send angels to be with her and to comfort her, and I know they were there. Five hours later Kiera came out of her surgery. I was so happy and relieved that everything went well! The doctor was able to completely remove the tumor! Kiera was swollen and there were many tubes coming out of her, but she was alright. There was a massive incision on the back of her head where they performed the surgery. We later found out that the tumor was a desmoplastic nodular medulloblastoma, and it was cancerous. That meant that she would be starting chemotherapy in a few short weeks. It was so hard wrapping my mind around the fact that my baby had cancer. It just didn’t seem possible. The word <i>cancer </i>was so foreign to me. I didn’t let myself think about it too much at that moment though, because I needed to focus on helping Kiera get better and heal from her surgery. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After Kiera’s brain surgery was over I began feeling a little bit better about things, although it was SO hard to see my baby in so much pain. Kiera had just been through a surgery that no child should ever have to go through, and that no parent should have to watch their child go through. She didn’t like to be moved or lifted because it caused her a lot of pain. It was a hard process every time that we wanted to hold her. We had to hold her completely still because movement caused her to get headaches. I would sit in a small chair and hold her very still for as long as I possibly could (until my limbs were completely asleep from lack of movement). It was worth it though. I love holding my beautiful baby in my arms. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was starting to think that the worst part was over. Kiera was recovering, and five days after her surgery she started smiling again! It brought me so much joy to see her face light up and to hear her giggle again. A few short hours after this happy moment, my world was shattered for a second time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A cardiologist (heart doctor) came into the room and said that one of the nurses had noticed that Kiera had some irregular heartbeats, so they were going to do an ultrasound on her heart just to make sure that everything was okay. Several of the nurses had told us that many people have an irregular heartbeat, and it probably wasn’t anything to worry about. So, I didn’t think much of it. Then the doctor went quiet. A minute later he told us that there was a mass on Kiera’s heart, and it was very worrisome. I couldn’t believe it. It was like déjà vu. Aaron and I looked at each other and then we both burst into tears. I kept thinking, “How can this be </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">happening? She just underwent major brain surgery, now she will have to have heart surgery? Why was she being asked to go through so much? This DEFINITELY isn’t fair!” In a matter of minutes we were transferred to another hospital. I rode in the ambulance with Kiera and I cried the whole way. I couldn’t understand why someone so small, innocent, and perfect would be asked to go through such terrible things. The thought kept creeping into my mind, “Can she survive another surgery?” I felt like I was in Hell. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The doctors at the hospital met with us and discussed what they were going to do. Kiera would undergo open-heart-bypass-surgery in order to remove as much of the heart tumor as possible. The doctor was optimistic, and I was so grateful for that. Kiera would first have to have surgery for her VP shunt to be put into her body. She needed it in order to drain the excess fluid from her brain that her body was producing as a result of her brain surgery. After that, she would have heart surgery. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The shunt surgery went very well with no complications. It looks like a big bump on the side of her head. You can feel the tube travel down the side of her head, and neck, and then it goes down the side of her stomach and ends at her belly button. The doctor said that it will grow with her, and she will probably have it for the rest of her life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The day of the heart surgery came, and I watched as two nurses took my baby down the hall and into the operating room. By this time Kiera had already had two surgeries and numerous MRI’s and catscans, but every time I had to watch them take my baby away it ripped my insides apart. I knew that I had no choice but to let them take her. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I was so scared because I knew that the doctors would have to stop Kiera’s heart in order to perform the surgery. I paced the floor, waiting for the hours to pass. I knew that the doctors could only do so much; she was in Heavenly Father’s hands, and I knew that He would take care of her. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After several agonizingly long hours the surgery was over, and we got to be with Kiera again. Once again, the surgery went very well! I was SO happy and relieved! Kiera was extubated and breathing completely on her own! The surgeon was only able to remove 60 percent of the tumor because if he had removed any more than that, it would have compromised the integrity of her heart. Kiera will have to have regular checkups every year for the rest of her life to make sure that the tumor doesn’t grow. He was optimistic that it wouldn’t grow anymore, and he also said that it might shrink over time. (Over time we learned that the remaining tumor did in fact shrink! There is now only a tiny bit of the tumor left on her heart! That is a miracle!) We also found out that the heart tumor was benign (non cancerous)! I was so relived! Kiera’s heart was working great, and the remaining tumor wasn’t causing any problems. I knew that we would have to keep an eye on it throughout her life, but I still felt like she would be alright. I was so grateful for all of the doctors that had been helping her. They truly are amazing people who use their talents and knowledge to help save lives. They have helped save my baby’s life multiple times, and I will never be able to adequately thank them for that. We offered up so many prayers of thanks and gratitude to our Heavenly Father for helping Kiera to pull through all that she had been asked to go through. We knew that there was still a long road ahead, but Kiera had more than proven her strength and bravery. She is a fighter, and I know that she has so much left to do here on this earth. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">About a week later Kiera had surgery for her broviac catheter to be put into her body. It was inserted on the left side of her chest, above her heart. It would be used as a port for chemotherapy, medications, and IV fluids during her treatments. Again everything went well, and the next day we were released from the hospital! It was such a wonderful feeling to be at home with my family for a few days! Spending four weeks straight at the hospital was way too much. It was crazy to think about all that had happened in the past four weeks. Our lives are forever changed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Throughout the previous four weeks while we were in the hospital I had a lot of time alone with my thoughts (which probably wasn’t a good thing). I felt depressed, angry, and scared, but somehow we were getting through it. Many times I felt guilty because I didn’t feel very close to my Heavenly Father. I still continued to pray to Him, and I knew that He was still there and that He loved me and my family, but I was having the hardest time accepting what was going on. I knew that there was a reason for all of these things that were happening to Kiera, but it was so hard because I couldn’t see the bigger picture. I remember one night I was standing in the hospital bathroom getting ready for bed, and I couldn’t hold my emotions in any longer. I started crying uncontrollably. It was the hardest thing in the world having to watch my baby suffer, knowing that there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I wished with all of my heart that I could take her pain away and experience it for her. I would have done it in a heartbeat. I love my baby so much and it hurt me so badly to have to watch her go through such unimaginable things. I felt so alone. I felt like there was no way that anyone could possibly understand what I was going through. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All of the sudden I felt the impression that I was wrong. Heavenly Father knew exactly what I was going through. He sent His Son to die for us so that we can all return to Him again someday. He knew how much it hurt. He knew what it was like to watch His child suffer, knowing that He had to let Him go through it. And because of this, our Savior was able to take upon Himself all of the pains of the world. My Savior died for me so that I could receive comfort in my darkest hour. I felt very humbled in that moment. There was a reason why we were going through such a terrible trial, and I knew that I might not understand what that reason was until after this life, but that if we would endure it well, we would be blessed. I knew that I had a choice to make. I could either be angry, bitter, and let myself be overcome with despair, or I could let my Savior help me carry this load, and allow His atonement to take full effect in my life. I knew that I had to trust in my Savior. I knew that I wasn’t alone, and that He was constantly encircling me in the arms of His love. I knew that through Him, we would make it through this trial, even though it would continue to be a very hard road. I knew that He would continue to watch over and help our sweet Kiera. This knowledge helped prepare me for the long, hard months ahead. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After spending four wonderful days at home, we were re-admitted to the hospital so that Kiera could start her chemotherapy treatments for the brain cancer. We were in and out of the hospital for the next ten months. Kiera’s treatment protocol consisted of six cycles of chemotherapy and each cycle was about 28 days long. She had to go through several types of chemotherapy in different amounts over specific periods of time. We were able to do two of her chemotherapy cycles at home because they weren’t as intense, so during those times we gave her the treatments through oral medications and shots. The other four cycles we spent all of our time in the hospital, and the chemotherapy was given intravenously through her broviac. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Nothing can prepare you for a cancer diagnosis. Out of the blue we were just up-rooted from our normal lives and thrown into a scary world where we had to watch our baby fight for her life every single day. Our days and nights spent at the hospital were long and hard. They were filled with chemotherapy, IV fluids, antibiotics, to many medications to count, blood/platelet transfusions, scans, physical therapy, fevers, throw up, and doctor visits. We had to try to eat our meals, stay entertained, and sleep comfortably in a very confined space. It was difficult for us. Kiera’s favorite part of the day was when Aaron was able to come and be with us at the hospital after his long hours at work. He would always take her on a wagon ride down the halls of the hospital, and she absolutely LOVED it! It was so much fun seeing her find joy in such a simple thing. Getting out of the hospital room for a small moment each day was wonderful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The chemotherapy was really hard on Kiera. Although it did kill the cancerous cells in her body, it also killed the healthy cells. It was difficult seeing the physical effects that the chemotherapy left on her little body. Her hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows fell out. A lot of the time her eyes looked tired, and during the most intense parts of her treatments the rosiness faded from her complexion and she was very pale and sick. She threw up a lot, and that made her not want to eat at all, so she lost weight. There were so many times where I was worried sick about her. I often thought to myself, “What have I done? How could I have ever consented to this?” But I knew that this poison was ultimately going to save her life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We had amazing nurses and doctors taking care of Kiera the whole time we were in and out of the hospital, and we also had so much support from our family and friends. Their prayers, love, and generosity helped strengthen and sustain us. They will probably never fully understand how grateful we are to them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Each cycle of chemotherapy introduced new challenges. After Kiera’s third cycle of chemotherapy she endured a second heart surgery because there was some fluid buildup around her heart, and after her fourth cycle of chemotherapy she got an infection and had fevers for five days straight, reaching as high as 105 degrees. During those times I was absolutely terrified because I didn’t know what was going to happen to her. I felt completely helpless. I didn’t want to lose my baby. But no matter what she was faced with, she always pulled through, and she remained incredibly strong. Even though the chemotherapy made her tired and drained her energy, she still smiled and played throughout the entire process. Her bravery and resilience is so inspiring to me. She is my hero. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After the sixth cycle of chemotherapy Kiera had a stem cell transplant to help recover her bone marrow that had been completely depleted as a side effect of the chemotherapy. This was a planned transplant; they used her own cells that they had harvested after her first cycle of chemotherapy. Everything went well, and slowly Kiera started to get better. We were excited to finally be finishing up her treatment! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A few weeks after Kiera finished her last planned cycle of chemotherapy, an MRI revealed to us that there was something abnormal on the bottom of her spine. We were devastated and so worried for Kiera. That fact that something was growing all the while she was going through high dose chemotherapy was terrifying. At this point we were completely exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It seemed like her treatments were never going to end. Many nights after Kiera fell asleep, I would sneak away for a moment so that I could cry without anyone seeing me. I tried not to cry in front of her, because I didn’t want her to be scared or think that anything was wrong. I thought if I could appear strong that she would be able to draw from that, and continue to keep fighting despite the devastation that we faced. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Because of the questionable spots on Kiera’s spine, she had to go through a seventh round of chemotherapy with another stem cell transplant. This seventh cycle of chemotherapy was the hardest on her. She was SO sick; she threw up almost every two hours for an entire week. Her nose was almost always bleeding. You could tell that she felt absolutely miserable. It broke my heart. The acid from her frequent vomiting caused her entire esophagus to be burned, so she cried out in pain whenever she tried to swallow food or liquid. She was sick for weeks, and she didn’t want to do anything except be held and lay down in her crib. We spent Christmastime in the hospital, which was very lonely and so hard. I longed for my baby to be healthy and at home, enjoying the holidays like children should do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After her seventh cycle of chemotherapy Kiera had another MRI. I was very anxious… but we soon learned that the images from the scans came back completely clear! It was a MIRACLE! The doctors still strongly urged us to do an eighth cycle of high dose chemotherapy with another stem cell transplant because it could lessen the chances of the cancer coming back in </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">the future, but Aaron and I just didn’t feel good about it. We prayed, pondered, discussed, and read our scriptures. Aaron, Kiera, and I were all given priesthood blessings to help us feel comfort and guidance while we were trying to make our final decision of whether or not to go forward with more chemotherapy. During the blessings we were told that we would make the right decision, and that Aaron and I would both be in agreement about it. We were also told that we would need to take a “leap of faith” regarding our decision. The risks and harsh side effects of another cycle didn’t seem worth it to us. We wanted Kiera to have the best quality of life possible, and doing more chemo when it probably wasn’t necessary didn’t seem like the right thing to do. Kiera’s scans were clear, and we knew that the cancer was gone. Deciding NOT to continue chemotherapy treatments despite the doctor’s firm suggestion that we should do more, was one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We know that there is always a chance that the cancer could come back, regardless of whether we were to do more chemotherapy or not. We will continue to hope and pray that it will NEVER come back. We put our complete trust and faith in our Heavenly Father. We know that He will continue to watch over Kiera and our family like He has done throughout our entire journey. We have felt peace about our decision. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On February 24, 2016 Kiera had a four week follow up MRI, and again all the images were clear! We made the right decision! Kiera has finished her treatments and the cancer is completely gone! After 11 months, five surgeries, seven cycles of chemotherapy, two stem cell transplants, and 153 days spent in the hospital, Kiera has won her battle with cancer! I am so proud of her for never giving up! Her doctors are amazed at how strong and full of life she is despite everything she has been through. We made it through a year of Hell. We could not have gotten through this without the help of our loving Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ. They carried us throughout this entire trial. I will forever be grateful for them, and for the knowledge of their restored Gospel. We are so blessed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I can honestly say that I know more about cancer than I ever wanted to know. My eyes have been opened to the horrible reality of it, and the fact that thousands of innocent children are suffering from cancer right now. I have met so many “warrior” children and families that have been so kind and supportive to us, all the while fighting their own hard battles. I am so grateful for them and for their good examples. I hope and pray that there will one day soon be a cure for cancer, so that children and adults won’t have to suffer from it anymore. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Today Kiera is happy and healthy and recovering wonderfully! She is an active, fun, and curious two-year-old. She brings so much love and joy into the lives of everyone that she meets. It’s been both exciting and hard trying to adjust back to “normal” life, but we are so grateful that we have made it to this point. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Kiera was so incredibly brave throughout everything that she was asked to go through over the past year. She is an inspiration to me and she makes me want to be a better person. She has helped me learn that I should never complain, because she had every right to complain about the terrible things that she had to go through, but she never did. We will live each day to the fullest, and never take this life for granted. We are so grateful that no matter what, our family will be together forever. I am eternally grateful that I am Kiera’s mother. I love her so much. Kiera is proof that miracles happen on this earth today. She is proof that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers. She is my miracle baby. </span></div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-45954634724567075082016-03-30T14:43:00.001-07:002016-04-07T03:06:21.048-07:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Corinne}<div style="line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-align: -webkit-left;">This months inspiring woman is Corinne! She is like a breath of fresh air... What you see is what you get and she will love you for who you are! She is pretty much the best. Her story is full of struggles, triumph, love, and transparency. I'm so glad I have someone like her in my life. I haven't known her very long yet I love her! There are few people in your life that you just love from the very beginning, she's one! </span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Here
is her story...</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
Fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of
control of them.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">-Jack
Kerouac</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">How
to begin with a story is always the most difficult part for me.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So,
with this being said, lets start with the basics.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
name is Corinne Mosdell, I am 34 years old and reside in Cedar City,
Utah.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I’m
a wife to the kindest, most patient and endearing man, Cade. I am a
Mother to one beautiful little 5 year old girl, named Lily, and also
to a sweet tiny pup named Bear. I currently own an online shop for
Women and children, named C. Lily Clothing. To add to the job and the
wonderful work of being a Mother, I am also a licensed Bail Bond
Agent in Iron County.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now,
you are probably thinking that is the absolute strangest mix of jobs
I have ever heard of in my life. I tend to think that myself quite
often too. This wasn’t exactly how I had planned my life to be when
I was younger, but who’s life really turns out as they planned?</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As
a child I was, from the day I was born, a friendly and outgoing
little girl. Whom talked her way through life fiercely. A salesman at
a young age, I could hold a conversation with anyone in a room, no
matter the age. I never took “No” for an answer and if I did, my
feelings were rarely hurt. This talent was an incredible gift I was
given, yet not everything in life was easy for me. With a sense of
finding greater always, my mind was always insatiable. Inside I
always felt I needed and wanted more, because of this desire and
craving, I was rarely happy. When I graduated college I remember my
Mother and Father telling me there were very few moments of sheer
excitement that they had ever seen throughout my life, and that was
one. With this gift and curse, My younger adolescent years were
difficult, to say the least.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In
2000 I gave a baby up for adoption. I remember everyone telling me
“What an un-selfish thing to do Corinne.” But deep down I never
felt that was the reason for my doing it, it was actually for selfish
reasons. I can see that as an adult now and I can accept it, yet
without my family’s support I don’t know if that was something I
would have done the right way. I really wanted to be a kid still, yet
play adult roles. I wanted the successful job, yet healthy
relationships without working toward them. The realistic side to this
is, life doesn’t work that way. I chose the jobs, the money, the
fun. But, they never lasted long. I had successful career paths at a
young age in Telecommunications and Sales, yet my insatiable self
never thought it was enough. I continued to make unhealthy choices
until it led me down a road I never thought I would go
down...Addiction. Now we have heard a million addiction stories, and
they all end the same. Mine began differently and sadly ended
differently then many others.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In
2004 I was in a car accident in the Virgin River Gorge. Ruptured
Spleen, broken ribs, and lacerations in my eyes and face. Lucky to be
alive, I was sent home from intensive care with multiple medications.
After shortly returning to work, I stopped my medication and became
severely ill. I was not sure the reasons for this and assumed I was
just sick. Days went on and I was not feeling any better. Returning
to my caring physicians office, I came to find out I was dependent on
all the many medications I had been taking for the weeks prior. I was
sent home with more pills and directions to continue taking them
until I was fully recovered. It was then my addiction cycle had
begun.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
family at this point had became seemingly concerned. My Father helped
me get accepted to a clinic to receive help getting off the
medications. But at that point it was far deeper then the pills. The
lies had begun, I was undependable, constantly late, and taking more
and more pain pills weekly. I started the clinic and began to come
off the pills, but my mental state was still the same. This went on
and on for 3 years with multiple relapses and continued drug use. The
pain pills became not enough. I had moved on. I moved to Salt Lake
with a better job offer and thought the change in location would help
me. It didn’t. I found the same problem there and even worse it
became.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Finally
in 2008 I moved back to St. George with a hope to get better. I
started the clinic again, yet still without counseling or real
treatment. At this point I had lost or damaged all the relationships
I had ever had. I was alone and broken and barely hanging on. In June
of 2008 I fell asleep at the wheel and wrecked my car. I was arrested
for the drugs in my vehicle and put in jail. I was offered Drug Court
as a means to change my life story and make something of myself. This
meant no felonies and a fresh start. I agreed very unwillingly, and
began the program. Only a few weeks in I relapsed and returned to
jail, with one more chance to actually work a program. I was sent to
an inpatient facility in Cedar City, Utah. I fought the program, I
was bitter, I was detached, and at that point didn’t care anymore.
But someone did care. My family cared. The judge cared. My probation
officer cared. That is all I really needed, were cheerleaders and
love. Even if it was tough love. So, 3 months in, I gave in, I let
go, and I started to work. After a long road, and being stubborn the
majority of the time, I graduated in 2010.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Now
I have left bits and pieces out as my whole story wouldn’t
necessarily be that intriguing or interesting. But I wanted you each
to understand the process as a whole. It was not easy. I fell down
over and over and messed up over and over. But I got back up. I
cried. I fought my way through it.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
returned back to college in 2009 to receive my Bachelor Degree. It
took me longer then expected, and I had to fix many of the mistakes I
had made previously. But I graduated. I graduated with a degree and a
wonderful family I could call my own. That in itself was the greatest
accomplishment after getting sober.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">With
a 4 year old at home and working part time doing Bail Bonds again, as
I had in previous years, I began to feel that yearning again that I
needed more. Something greater and bigger. Up until then I had a job,
school, and a daughter to raise. But having idle time was never my
friend. So after school ended I had felt empty. I needed something
more and the depression returned. I had always loved fashion. It was
something that my Mother had a background in and I longed to be
involved in it my entire life. Dressing a little girl was so much
fun, but I needed more.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Quickly,
back to my brief talk about relationships, I never was so great at
them. I struggled. I was selfish. Meaningful relationships were far
and few and until my later 20's I had none. I was blessed enough to
find some incredible humans while living in Cedar City, and they
started to cheer me on. To help me find something to fill the void. A
business of my own. Now I had always had that background in Sales, so
in the few previous years I had dabbled in quite a few Direct Selling
businesses. They never were of much interest, but the people I met
along the way became my friends and loyal clients. Little did I know
they would follow me along this new venture. I was building healthy
relationships at this point, I just didn’t realize it. I didn’t
know what that meant to even have those kind of relationships.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">January
2015 I started the venture. An online Woman’s and Children’s
Clothing Store. With the help of my Mother, Father, Daughter, and
Husband, and my dear friends Kristina Maine, Holly Pearcy, Janice
McGuire, Kassandra Appling, and Mariah Unruh, I fumbled my way
through getting the business started. With very little money and no
resources, each of my friends stepped in. Each of them contributing
their talents to this venture. None of them received any payment or
anything in return, only the love I could offer back. I had never had
this amount of love and support before, except from my family. I was
shocked. I still am. In March 2015 the shop opened and it was a
success. We are not a huge company, but the loyal customers and
friends I have gained is priceless. There isn’t enough money in the
whole world that is that important. It took me 32 years to learn
that. Today We have been open one year and I couldn’t even have
fathomed this would be something I could do and succeed at!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As
the company has grown over the last year I have stumbled and learned
and grown, and most of all found my purpose. To make meaningful
relationships. About 4 months ago I started a post on social media
called “Tonight’s Real Post.” It was a post to ultimately help
me remember who I was, and to help anyone else that feels the
pressures of social media validation and life’s pressures daily. We
are all human. We make mistakes. We grow. We stumble. Ultimately we
learn. But over the previous few months I had seen on social media a
pressure to have this “picture perfect” life. Photos that were
staged to make others think that was their real life. Beautiful
outfits and smiling babies, and immaculate homes adorned with items
from other online retailers. I felt lost again. A hopeless feeling of
pressure. To be and act and look like this perfect shop owner,
mother, and wife. Then it hit me. My purpose. To stand out and make a
difference and be “Real.” I had finally found my niche. In the
end I get to benefit the most by outing myself and being transparent.
Because Transparency is the first step to truly loving yourself. Up
until then I hadn’t loved myself. The accountability I needed to be
better and work harder, was fading, and I had to find a way to
recreate it myself. A simple post throughout the week solved all
those pressures for me. A simple post with a heart full of love and
desire to touch others lives. No motives involved, no benefits
secretly I was receiving, just the sense of relief and peace I felt
when I started. There was my purpose, my way to make meaningful
relationships, and I had finally found it.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
story isn’t meant to make you applaud me. Or praise the path I
took. It’s meant to help you see that we are all human. We are all
here trying to find our way and make it. Each of our stories are
different. Not one is better or worse. But if we settle, if we just
accept life as it is in a state we are unhappy about, we will never
grow. We will never find our way and true purpose.</span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Today
I am grateful to have found mine. Tomorrow may be trying, I may fall,
I may stumble, but I will get back up and try again. Today I am
sober. I am happy to have a beautiful chance at life. A daughter who
teaches me daily to be kind, more sensitive, forgiving, and to love
unconditionally with my whole heart. Without her I can’t imagine I
would be here today telling you this story. My life as I had planned,
well it is so far from that, because it is even greater than I could
have imagined. We can look in life and find a lot of crap. A lot of
things to complain and be miserable about, but if we set those aside,
we will find that there is so much more good than there is bad.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Each
day we can be better than we were the day before. If only we could
teach ourselves to only compare ourselves with ourselves and not
others? I wonder who we would become?</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">-Corinne</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">You can check Corinne's shop out <a href="http://www.clilyclothing.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #f1c232;">HERE</span></a>. </span></span></span></div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-30524643578754650942016-02-26T14:13:00.001-08:002016-02-26T14:17:01.948-08:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Heather}<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This months inspiring woman is Heather!</div>
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When I first met her I was blown away by her story. She is someone that listens to promptings from the Lord, even if it is something she is confused by. She sacrificed so much for one little girl! </div>
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Here is her story...</div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I’m going to be very
honest in this account, so you are going to see me—warts and all.
As I write this I hope that I’ve grown up a little bit. It’s also
interesting for me to review how small and simple things can change
our lives dramatically.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">On November 27, 2011 (I
remember, because it was my birthday), I received what to me was
devastating news: I received a new church calling—I was to put
together the ward bulletin. You know, type up the speakers, prayers,
songs, and announcements and make copies to distribute on Sunday. Now
this probably doesn’t seem like devastating news to anyone else,
but it was to me. I was completely and totally offended. Apparently
our bishopric had not received a copy of my church resume. I even
went to the Lord in prayer when I came home from church and asked,
“Do You not trust me anymore? Is this all You think I am capable of
doing these days?” </span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I am sure that the Lord
was laughing at me that day in the kindest way possible, but He also
gave me the prompting that now was the time for me to focus on the
callings that are truly most important—and don’t come with a
bishop’s interview. He helped me realize that what I really needed
to focus on was mothering my children in an involved and intentional
way, and truly meeting the needs of those I visit teach. </span>
</div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">At this time I was
visiting teaching a family in rough circumstances. Their lives were
touched with drug rehab and jail time. They also had a young baby—not
quite a year old. Oh, he was so sweet! I babysat him when I could,
and just wished I could keep him safe and secure while his family was
getting their lives back into a good place. (Our bishop at the time
worked with DCFS, and he was very familiar with the family’s
situation, so I assumed that if the child had needed removal, that it
would have happened.) As I considered this sweet little guy, the
thought came to me, “There are hundreds of children who are in
worse situations than this. You are willing to help this one because
you know him, but could you help those you don’t know?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">This thought began to
haunt me—I couldn’t put it out of my head. It became a matter of
prayer for several months before I even mentioned it to my husband.
For about 5 months, my part of the conversations with Heavenly Father
usually went something like this: “Are you kidding me, Heavenly
Father? You want me to do WHAT???? I can’t even mother my own 4
children the way I should. I think you’ve got the wrong girl here.”
Finally I humbled myself enough to mention it to my husband, who took
it very well, and we both decided to make it a matter of prayer. </span>
</div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">In October 2012 we got our
answer. We were listening to General Conference, and Elder Dallin H.
Oaks gave the talk, “Protect the Children.”
(<a href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/protect-the-children?lang=eng">https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/protect-the-children?lang=eng</a>)
My husband and I were standing in the kitchen watching the
conference on our computer, and the spirit just overwhelmed us both.
We still didn’t know if we were capable of being foster parents,
but we definitely knew that was the direction Heavenly Father wanted
us to go. At times, I even hoped, “Maybe this is my Abrahamic
test. Maybe I just have to show God I would be </span><span style="font-size: small;"><i>willing</i></span><span style="font-size: small;">
to do this, but maybe I’ll never really have to.” </span>
</div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">We started the process
right away with Utah Foster Care, but with the timing of everything
we weren’t able to take our 32-hours for licensing until March
2013. We were licensed in May 2013, and then began the waiting game.
We knew that there were many older children awaiting homes, but for
us, we felt like we really needed to take children younger than our
youngest—who at the time was only 3. We also knew there was a great
need for people who would take sibling groups, but I only felt
capable of taking one child for my first placement. So with our
parameters so narrow—1 child younger than 3—we knew we may never
even get the call.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">But in January 2014 we
did. The call</span><span style="font-size: small;"> came at lunchtime. Would I be
willing to pick up a baby from the hospital that night? They didn't
have a lot of information but they told me what they knew. Because we
knew that taking a child younger than 5 years was a commitment to
adopt the child if the parents lost their rights, I wanted a chance
to talk to my husband and pray first, so I told them I would call
them back. As I prayed, I didn't feel like I got an answer as to
whether or not the baby belonged in our family forever, but I did
feel like I should offer to pick the baby up from the hospital.
However, by the time I called DCFS back, they had found another home
for Cameron (name changed for privacy). I had such mixed
emotions--relief and disappointment both. But at 3pm DCFS called
back. The other family had fallen through but she had to be picked up
from the hospital today. Would we pick up Cameron, even if we
couldn't keep her for the long haul? Of course! So an hour later we
had greeted our children home from school with the news (which
brought them to tears of joy and excitement--they had awaited this
day with anticipation!) and had left to another town to pick up
Cameron.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">It was surreal. Cameron
was tinier than anything I had ever seen--I was afraid I might
accidentally break her. And everything had happened so fast! There
was a lot of bureaucracy to deal with before we could leave, so we
finally got home at 10:30pm--tired and very overwhelmed.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">But Cameron was an instant
joy! She fit so well into our family, and the way all the other
children rose up to contribute to our Family Team was amazing.
Although we thought we were doing a service for Cameron, we had no
idea ahead of time how much she would change our lives for good. The
smiles Cameron had for everyone! The social nature, the intelligence,
energy, inquisitiveness and curiosity! The love that came into our
home that year! Without a doubt, 2014 will go into our history as a
banner year for our family.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">But all this time, I knew
that she was supposed to go home. I wanted to love her so much that
she would lack nothing, but I also knew that I was choosing to have
my heart broken. I would often hear people say, “Oh, I could never
be a foster parent. I would get too attached.” And I just thought,
“This isn’t about me. It’s about her. So it doesn’t matter if
I get too attached.” I decided that the hand she was dealt in life
was hard enough. Taking some of her pain was part of my job. I was
the adult. I could handle it. </span>
</div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">But even though I knew the
day was inevitable and I thought I had prepared myself, I was still
surprised at how much my heart hurt when the day came in February
2015. Her returning to her biological family was good. It was right.
We knew it was Cameron's mother's privilege and responsibility and
blessing to be the Mom, and to have Cameron in her life. But wow,
were our hearts breaking! It felt good to be gathered as a family to
cry and talk and grieve and hug and pray together. And although it
felt so hard right then, we were still SO GRATEFUL for that last year
and for our experience with Cameron! Our lives were so much better
because of that little spirit in our home--and I wouldn't have
changed a thing. The joy of having her in our home even outweighed
the heartbreak.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">For the next several
months Cameron’s parents allowed her to come visit us once in a
while, and it was wonderful to see her and hold her and laugh and
play with her. Sometimes I would hold her and just think, “You
belong HERE,” but then I would quickly tell myself, “No. She
belongs with her parents. If she belonged her, she would be here.”</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">In July 2015 we again got
“the call”. Could Cameron come back? This time it would be
forever. Again, I grieved. As painful as it was when Cameron had to
leave us, I also grieved at her return. Not because she was returning
to me. OF COURSE we would take her back—gladly! But we recognized
the loss that came with our gain, and I grieved for the loss of
potential for Cameron and her biological family.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="" name="_GoBack"></a><span style="font-size: small;">The
adventure we call life has continued on since that day. Cameron
quickly fit back into our family. Two weeks ago Cameron became
legally ours. Next month she becomes eternally ours. When I look at
Cameron now, I can’t imagine my life without her. She is as much
mine as any of my biological children. I believe she was meant to be
mine from the beginning, and that rebellious thought now feels
justified: “You belong HERE.” </span>
</div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I consider how I fought
the prompting to become a foster parent, and I am horrified to
consider the consequences if I had let fear get in my way from
following God’s will. No Cameron? Perish the thought! Someday soon,
I hope to trust God so implicitly, that I will welcome those “scary”
promptings, because I know that God loves me, and that his directions
will only bring me joy in the end. </span>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-90447665804375487612016-01-11T14:04:00.000-08:002016-01-11T14:04:15.179-08:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Jamie Terry}Last fall I had the opportunity to meet a very special woman, Jamie Terry. She went through every parents nightmare last year, she lost her sweet little girl. Meeting Jamie was anything but ordinary. She was so kind and uplifting. All I could feel was peace as I talked with her. It was as if Kycie's sweet spirit stays with Jamie always. You can feel her as you talk with Jamie, it's an incredible feeling. The veil was thin.<br />
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Jamie shared her daughters story with the world, something that could not have been easy. But because of her bravery their story has saved countless children's lives due to the knowledge they have spread about T1D and it's symptoms. One day they will find out exactly why Heavenly Father called their sweet Kycie home so early in her life, I'm sure it was for something very special. At age 5 this little girl left an impact on the world. She is a fighter who was deeply loved. The good she did here on earth probably doesn't even compare to the good she is doing in Heaven.<br />
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Here is Jamie's story (written by her husband, Josh Terry)...<br />
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<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Jamie Terry, a
mother living her dream until it became her nightmare. Caring for
her daughter, Kycie, the beginning of 2015 pushed Jamie to the very
edge of despair and darkness. However, despite insurmountable odds,
both mother and daughter rose above the mist of darkness and embraced
the light of Christ.</div>
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Jamie has been
happily married to her husband, Josh, for 14 years. Parents of 5
busy boys, ages 13 years old to 18 months old, and one little girl,
Kycie, who recently celebrated her 5<sup>th</sup> birthday.
</div>
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With a full calendar
of basketball games, piano, choir, scouts and church activities with
her boys, Jamie was excited that her only girl was old enough to
compete in her first cheerleading competition in early January. A
few weeks later Jamie found herself begging her Heavenly Father to
let Kycie survive from her injuries. On January 30<sup>th</sup>,
Kycie was diagnosed type 1 diabetic and in critical condition. She
was life-flighted 310 miles north to Primary Children’s Hospital
where en route Kycie suffered two seizures and ultimately a severe
traumatic brain injury due to excessive swelling.</div>
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Kycie’s prognosis
was grim, with the doctors giving her little to no chance of
survival. If she did survive, she would be severely handicapped due
to the extensive brain damage. Jamie put her faith in God and her
trust in family to help through the next 111 days in the hospital.
Kycie surpassed expectations and survived, but she couldn’t walk,
couldn’t talk, couldn’t eat and showed very little purposeful
movement. She was admitted into an inpatient rehabilitation unit to
try and relearn everything she so quickly lost.</div>
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Jamie only left
Kycie’s side if her husband were there to care for her.
Experiencing immense feelings of guilt for leaving her five boys to
save her one girl, Jamie vowed to never leave Kycie alone. Each day
began and ended with a prayer for small but specific requests.
Please help Kycie open her eyes. Please help Kycie wiggle her toes.
Please help Kycie swallow better. After the prayer it was time for
Jamie to wipe the dust off her knees and go to work. Hour after hour
and day after day, Jamie could be found cheering Kycie through tears
and pain. Pushing Kycie to her physical limit and beyond. Jamie
never broke down during therapy sessions, but behind closed doors she
humbly sobbed for her lost and broken little girl. She cried for
missing her boy’s birthday party and playoff games. She wept and
longed for the comforting embrace of her husband.</div>
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The hard work and
dedication paid off. After 4 months of being in the hospital, Kycie
was well enough to be released home. Still unable to walk, talk or
feed herself, Kycie showed glimpses of her old self by rolling over,
touching her nose on command and holding herself up in sitting
position. Jamie hadn’t taken a single day for granted. Not just
loving and holding her sweet girl, but Jamie was busy learning all
about diabetes and traumatic brain injuries. She learned how to mix
Kycie’s medicine. She learned skills in occupational, physical and
speech therapy. With over four months of training, the thought of
leaving the security of a hospital and coming home to the welcoming
arms of her family was both terrifying and exciting.</div>
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</div>
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Home life proved to
be challenging and very time intensive. Kycie required care 24 hours
a day, 7 days a week. She could never be left alone. Of course she
had her moments, but this mother of 6 kept it together. With the
help of neighbors, family and complete strangers, Jamie balanced
daily feeding, therapy and the constant battle of controlling Kycie’s
blood sugar. In addition, she organized summer activities for her 5
boys, kept up the laundry and still had time to do up Kycie’s hair
nice and cute.</div>
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</div>
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Jamie knows that the
path God has set forth is not always the path we would choose. On
July 11<sup>th</sup>, 2015, Kycie passed away in her father’s arms
and with Jamie by her side in the comforts of their own home.
Although not an easy decision in the beginning, Jamie was so thankful
for the time she spent with Kycie in the hospital. With a firm
testimony in Jesus Christ, Jamie has mourned the loss of her daughter
while being an advocate for type 1 diabetes. She focuses her time on
her husband and 5 boys while celebrating the lives that Kycie changed
and even saved. Although wounded, this mother stands victorious upon
the rock of Christ.</div>
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This story and pictures were also featured on the Beauty Revived blog and in the Beauty Revived magazine. It was part of the 50 Most Beautiful Women series and Jamie represented the state of Utah. You can purchase the hard copy of a digital version here, <span style="color: #f1c232;"><a href="http://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/998580">http://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/998580</a></span></div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-74784318648373815292015-12-23T11:47:00.001-08:002015-12-23T11:47:17.534-08:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Kaylene Zobell}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I love doing this series and meeting these inspiring women each month. Kaylene was nominated by Ashley Peterson. She sent me a message one night with the most kind words about Kaylene. As I read her message I knew that she needed to by this months inspiring woman! </div>
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Ashley wrote "Kaylene Zobell is the mother to one of my past students. Last year, when her daughter was in my class, she was pregnant with her 7th child. During her pregnancy, her little boy Nash was diagnosed with cancer. And by little, I mean like 4 years old. While all the stress with this little guy was happening, she ended up having her baby 5 weeks premature. This beautiful little girl was only 4 lbs 11 oz and had to wear doll clothes for the first part of her life since nothing else fit! Anyway, throughout all of this, her other kids remain active in sports, tumbling, dance, and still manage to keep up with all of their school work because of how supportive she is to all of them. I have never once heard her complain or feel sorry for herself. She always has a smile on her face to match her bright, outgoing personality. The word I would choose to best describe her is "uplifting". No matter what is happening with her, she is constantly looking for the positive and using it to lift others, whether intentionally or not." </div>
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I am so grateful that Ashley pointed me in Kaylene's direction. She was so kind and fun to be around. I could see the love between her and Nash. That boy is one special kid. He has an entire team rooting for him! </div>
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This world really is amazing. There is so much heartache, struggle, and evil. But amidst all the darkness there is light, goodness, and beauty. There are good people all around fighting a good fight. I'm so thankful that I am surrounded by such amazing people who just want to live their life the best they can. Such inspiration. Thank you for being willing to share your story, Kaylene. You are truly an amazing woman!</div>
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Here is her story... (written by her sweet husband, Coby Zobell)</div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I was content with 4 children, however Kaylene started having those</span></div>
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motherly stirrings and not so easily convinced me we had more children</div>
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to bring to earth. I admit I was reluctant for overly selfish reasons</div>
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and even feared the thought of more children. Needless to say at</div>
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present we have 7 adorable, amazing children. </div>
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Our 5th child Nash came to us 4 plus years after our fourth child.</div>
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As I held him for the first time I was overwhelmed with gratitude and</div>
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the fears and reservations I once had vanished. That wasn't all</div>
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though. I had a very distinct impression about this special new boy</div>
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that he would be a great person and leader at some point in his life.</div>
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These thoughts and feelings were immediately shared with Kaylene as</div>
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they were so poignant to me. It was a very powerful revelation- one I</div>
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will never forget.</div>
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In 2014 just after Nash turned 4 he was diagnosed with (ALL) Acute</div>
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Lymphoblastic Leukemia. We were devastated at the news and diagnosis</div>
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not fully understanding the treatment or outcome of this type of Cancer.</div>
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We arrived at Primary Children’s Medical Center a day after the</div>
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initial news and spent almost a week there doing more tests,</div>
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procedures and introducing chemotherapy and steroids to Nash. Kaylene</div>
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not giving a second thought for her own comfort slept beside our</div>
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little boy the whole time in a small hospital bed. Being 7 months</div>
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pregnant she patiently attended to him along with doctors and nurses.</div>
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Several weeks into treatment with chemotherapy, and steroids Nash was</div>
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put on a high risk treatment plan. The Cancer in his bone marrow</div>
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wasn't clearing at a normal rate which worried us and still does today.</div>
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Cancer doesn't just effect the patient but the whole family. We</div>
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brought Nash home to a house full of concerned, desperate children</div>
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wanting answers. They thought he was dying and that maybe time was</div>
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short for him. We gave them hope, assured them he was going to be</div>
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fine, that the doctors were the very best, but Nash and our whole</div>
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family have a long road ahead. “Nash will undergo three and a half</div>
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years of chemotherapy treatment to beat Leukemia” we told them. In our</div>
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minds that seems like forever. To Nash and the kids their concept of time is different.</div>
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One of our concerns revolved around this rigorous treatment plan</div>
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involving one and two trips a week to SLC as well as several extended</div>
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stays at a time for the first year. We thought how do we keep our</div>
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other kids involved in football, basketball, baseball, softball,</div>
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dance, ballet, piano, horseshoes, golf and everything else in-between?</div>
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To me I had very little worry. I know the type of woman and mother I</div>
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married. Kaylene has been nothing short of amazing being able to</div>
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juggle and keep up with a thousand things at a time. She is a perfect</div>
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example of prayer and faith. Of dedication and commitment to our</div>
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family. I like to think of her as a Super Mom able to do it all. </div>
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It would have been easy for us to tell our kids to take a break from all</div>
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of the mentioned activities so we could dedicate ourselves entirely to</div>
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the treatment schedule. We have had family, friends and community</div>
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rally around us in support to make our crazy schedule continue as</div>
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normal as possible. Kaylene has always been an exceptional mother.</div>
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Always putting the needs and wants of her family first. Observing her</div>
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in action this past year makes me eternally grateful for this choice daughter of </div>
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our Heavenly Father.</div>
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Our little fighter Nash, I believe, is very aware of his eternal nature</div>
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and is mature beyond his 5 years. I can’t help but look back to that</div>
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day holding him as an infant and say he is leading us through all of this. </div>
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-Coby Zobell</div>
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<br />Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-67821730249893630592015-12-01T14:28:00.001-08:002015-12-01T14:43:10.410-08:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Ann Forsyth}This months inspiring woman is Ann! I met her for the first time when we took her photos. I could feel her strength when I sat and talked with her about Carter. She is a wonderful mother with a sweet spirit. I am grateful I was able to meet her. She has taught me that God has a plan for each of us, even though it may be a difficult one. We have to move forward with faith and trust our feelings.<br />
<br />
Here's her story...<br />
<br />
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>Anticipation</b></u></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
have always had this nervous, anxious, excited feeling when it is
ultrasound time. It is the first time to see our baby- the
little eyes, nose and mouth -the fingers and toes. I can hardly wait
to find out if it will be a boy or a girl. But of course, I’m
always nervous that the ultrasound will show something that is
unusual. With my first two pregnancies, I had those same
feelings. Fortunately, their little bodies were perfect. This
time, I was on my third pregnancy and I felt like I didn’t need to
worry anymore, that those feelings of something being wrong weren’t
necessary. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>The
Ultra Sound</b></u></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My
husband and I scheduled our appointment early that morning so we
could wake the girls when we returned from the ultrasound and share
with them the good news. I remember sitting in the chair as they did
the ultrasound. Already, this ultrasound was different than my
previous two. Two ultra sound techs were present. The one was a
rookie, and the other tech was there to observe her
work. Immediately, this ultrasound seemed longer than the others
and somewhat tedious. It began taking so long- I wanted to just ask
“Is everything okay? Are you finding everything you need?” But I
figured she was just new so it was taking longer. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Once
the ultrasound was complete and she had entered the necessary data,
the tech pointed to the anatomy- we were having our first boy! We
were so excited for this news!! Our first boy! I remember walking out
of there and being so happy. We went home and woke our girls up
and told them they were going to have a brother. They were so
excited!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>The
phone call</b></u></span></span></span><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A
few hours later I got a call from my OB. I wasn’t able to answer my
phone so he left me a message to call him. With my other two
previous pregnancies, usually the doctor didn’t call me for a few
days so I knew at that moment something must be wrong. My
husband was very positive and said maybe he just was able to look
earlier at the results this time because we scheduled our appointment
so early. I was hoping that this was the case. The doctor
explained that the ultrasound indicated that there may be some
abnormalities. They thought my son might have Spina Bifida. He
wanted us to go see a specialist tomorrow morning to get a
confirmation. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>The
Diagnosis</b></u></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Thinking
about the first ultrasound, I had some hope that it was wrong because
the girl was new and just maybe she had taken the image incorrectly.
I read all about what Spina Bifida was that night. I had heard
of it, but I really didn’t know what it was. As I started
reading all the things that might happen to our little boy, my eyes
filled with tears. We went to the specialist and had some more
ultrasounds done. It was confirmed that he did indeed have
Spina Bifida. The doctor sat with us in a room and reviewed
some medical books and other information with us. It was such
an overwhelming feeling, so much information- pages and pages filled
with things that may affect our son’s body. </span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"> <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">At
first, all I could think of was why me, why do I have to go through
this? And then, my thoughts turned to my family. Will I be able
to be a good mom to a baby with special needs? Will I be able to
still be a good mom to all my children? Will I be able to provide
them all the individual time and attention that they each would need?
How will this affect our other kids? Will they be mad at their
brother because sometimes they might have to miss out on things? And
my thoughts turned to my husband. How was he dealing with all this?
Would he blame me? Would he blame himself? Would he be able to help
me raise this child? The next couple of days were so hard. It
was so hard to not cry every time I thought about our son. It was
hard not to cry every time we told somebody. I remember
thinking, “is this what it’s going to be like forever? Will I
always have these thoughts of sadness?” I felt like there was this
big dark black cloud weighing down on me ALL OF THE TIME. It
felt as though all the happiness had been sucked out of me and all
that was left was fear, doubt, and sadness. I was so worried that I
would feel like this forever. I hated that feeling. I wanted it to go
away more than anything. I just wanted to feel happy again.
After about two weeks of feeling this way, things really started to
change. I think the shock of everything had worn off and the weight
of it all was passing.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>Our
Decision</b></u></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We had been
told about a surgery that they do for babies with Spina Bifida. The
procedure entailed surgery on me to get access to the baby. At which
point, they would repair the baby’s spine while he was still
inside of me. It’s a difficult procedure for both the mother
and the baby. They have to perform the procedure before 26
weeks so we were on a time crunch if we were going to do it. I
had to have some tests done to make sure we qualified for the
surgery. And finally some good news- we qualified! We started
to put a plan in motion. There was so much to consider… so many
details. There are only 4 hospitals in the US that perform this kind
of surgery. Luckily, we were close to California so we started to
make plans to go there. However, I would have to leave our two
young daughters for at least 2 weeks for the surgery in California.
After the surgery, I would be on bed rest until the baby came. The
effects of the surgery would most likely result in the baby coming
early. Most babies that have had this fetal surgery were delivered at
32-34 weeks. So, I would be on bed rest up In Salt Lake City,
four hours away from my home until the baby was born. And then,
we would have to wait to take our baby home when he was fully
recovered. So, I could possibly be away from my home for 3-4 months!!</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>A
Change of Plans</b></u></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
I felt like things were working out and then our plans began to
unravel. We were now going to have to go to Texas and have the
surgery. Thankfully, we had some family down there that we could
stay with which made things easier. The hospital in Texas told
us that they would do the surgery but that I wouldn’t be able to
come home until after the baby was born. This was going to be most
difficult. This would mean for 3-4 months away from my husband and
daughters? Who would take care of my daughters? So much doubt
started to fill my mind. I had felt so certain, but now doubts began
to fill my mind. With all the doubt, I kept planning for this
trip. I kept telling myself I was just worried about my kids I was
just being a “mom” and didn’t want to leave them. Part of
that was true, I didn’t want to leave them. I haven’t ever really
been away from them. Part of me didn’t want to do this
surgery. I didn’t want to have to go through everything they were
going to do to me. But, the other part of me would do anything
for our son in order for him to have the chance at a normal life.
I would ask my husband daily, “do you still feel good about doing
this surgery.” He would always reply, “Yes, everything will be
okay.” His faith always comforted me and made me feel like we were
doing the right thing. However, just days before we were
leaving, I had a total emotional breakdown. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>What
now?</b></u></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> I
just didn’t think I could go through with it. I didn’t think I
could leave our daughters. I was so worried about them and plain and
simple, I just didn’t have a good feeling I asked my husband
to give me a Priesthood blessing that night to help me calm
down. After the blessing, I felt peace come over me. I felt
like everything was going to be okay. We were leaving in few
days and I felt like I was able to get everything done that I needed
to do and get ready to go. The night before we were leaving, a
bad feeling came over me. I told my husband that I just couldn’t
go. I felt like I was choosing between our children. I felt like if
I did the surgery, I was choosing our son over our daughters and if I
didn’t do the surgery, I was choosing our girls over our son. How
could I make a choice like this? I was so worried that I was going to
make the wrong decision. My husband and I knelt down together
and said a prayer. We both felt like we shouldn’t go through
with this surgery.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>Faith </b></u></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
For two hours we sat and talked and cried trying to figure out what
we should do. While I was always the one with doubts about the
surgery, now my husband felt like me. We were both having doubts. He
didn’t feel surgery was the best choice either. I just kept asking
him, “are you sure, are you SURE?” I must have driven him crazy.
Gratefully, my husband is truly amazing and I couldn’t have gotten
through this alone. He was always there comforting me when I
needed it and helped us make the right and best decision for everyone
in our family. After finally deciding not to go do the surgery,
we went to sleep. I woke up the next morning expecting to feel
differently, that perhaps maybe I had just needed a good cry. But for
the first time in four weeks, I finally felt at peace! Peace for our
son. I knew that he was going to be fine and that Heavenly Father had
a plan for him. And maybe I didn’t fully understand that plan.
But Heavenly Father knew what was best for him and for whatever
reason we weren’t supposed to do that surgery. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> I
began to understand… sometimes when a trial comes you first think,
“how do I fix this? How do I change it?” But sometimes I don’t
think that’s Heavenly Fathers plan. We are not meant to fix or
change things but to learn to adapt and accept things.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>Here
he Comes</b></u></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"> <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A
few months later, I had to leave my husband and our 3 year old
daughter. I went to stay with my mother -in law with our one
year old daughter until the baby came. The doctors wanted me close
in case the baby came early. This was hard to be away from my
husband and daughter for 2 ½ weeks but the time went fast. My
mother-in- law was great. She always had something for us to do to
keep us busy.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"> <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
night we went into the hospital, I was so nervous. I had only met
with my doctor two times. I was delivering in a place that was
unfamiliar, and the doctor was going to induce labor which made me
so nervous! Fortunately, I did not have to have a c-section.
However, the labor was very hard on my body. It was by far the most
painful thing I have ever been through. I asked my husband to give me
a blessing while I was in labor because I was in so much pain and
just really needed this baby to come out. He gave me a blessing
and he since then has told me that, that was the most powerful
blessing he had ever given. He said he could just feel the power of
the priesthood in his hands as they were laid on my head. He said he
had never prayed so hard. </span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<u><b>His Arrival</b></u></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">Several
hours later, our baby boy was born. We named him Carter.
Immediately after birth, they took him through a little door in the
room to take care of his needs. I didn’t get to even see our son
for 4 hours!! Before they transported him to Primary Children’s
Hospital, they brought him by my room and I got to look at him and
touch his little hands and arms. He was so happy. Because
my labor went longer than expected, he couldn’t have his surgery
until the next morning. So for 24 hours, I didn’t get hold
him. The surgery was three hours long. The procedure involved
closing up his back and correcting his spine.</span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
</div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>Carter
Colt Forsyth</b></u></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A
lot of people ask me if I was nervous while he was in surgery, and
honestly I wasn’t ever scared or nervous for him. I knew that this
surgery was saving his life and that everything was going to be
okay. He did great. Our son is such a fighter and is so strong.
He recovered so well. We were able to take him home five days
after his birth. He is such a miracle- 90% of Spina Bifida kids
have hydrocephalus. This is where the spinal fluid doesn’t flow
properly through their bodies and builds up on the brain. If not
treated, it will cause death. The whole reason we were going to
have the surgery while he was in the womb was to prevent this
condition. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Our
son has been blessed with not having hydrocephalus. He has some
bladder and bowel issues that all kids have, but he will always
have. I have to catheterize him twice a day and he is on Mira
lax to help him poop (quite normal). He was also born with clubbed
feet. We had to cast him for 2 months and then do surgery on his feet
to fully correct them. He had to wear braces on his feet day
and night for 3 months and now he wears them just at night until he
is 4 years old. When he was born, his legs and hips were really tight
and he couldn’t make them go flat. We had to do a lot of physical
therapy to help his hips get to where they are now. He still
has physical therapy about twice a month. Most of this is just
to make sure he doesn’t fall behind. He does really well with
everything that I have to help him with. Carter’s level
is L4 which is really low on the Spina Bifida scale. He is
able to feel and move everything but his feet. But despite
everything that we went through, I would not change any of it. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="background: #ffffff; line-height: 100%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Our
son is truly amazing! He can do so many things. I know we have been
so blessed. We have had so many people praying for us and I
have felt those prayers. I have never felt anything like the
power of prayer like this before. The only way I can describe it is
“It’s like a force around me that was just always there
comforting me when I needed to be comforted.” I’m so grateful to
all the people that prayed for us and continue to pray for us. I know
it’s because of their prayers, Carter has been so blessed. I’m so
grateful for my husband. He truly is the reason I was able to get
through all of this and continue to get through it daily. We
still have a tough road ahead. But during the times when I have just
felt so defeated, he was always right there helping me get through
it, and he always just knew what to do and say. I love him so much
and I know that I can be the mother that I want to be and need to be
because I have his love and support. When I look at our son I
do not see a birth defect, and I do not think Spina Bifida. All
that means to me is-split spine and the limitations that may come
with it. Rather, when I look at our son, I see Carter Colt Forsyth.
He is limitless. I don’t want our son to be everything I want him
to be. I want him to be everything that God has intended him to be.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">*To
learn more about spina bifida and Carter’s story visit the Forsyth
blog at spinabifidadad.blogspot.com</span></span></span></div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-43376593626213261042015-10-30T13:43:00.002-07:002015-10-30T13:59:52.243-07:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Shawn Cosper}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Meet Shawn, she is this months inspiring woman!</div>
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As I read through Shawn's story I was immediately brought to tears. I have in no way gone through what she has but her words gave me a sense of peace. The trials that I have been going through lately have been so overwhelming. Reading about her strength and testimony opened my eyes and gave me such comfort. </div>
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Thank you, Shawn. </div>
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Thank you for sharing, for opening up. </div>
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This story has helped me and I know it will help so many others.</div>
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Here is her story...</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is understood that the
beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of a storm. When a
rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or
that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. It means that
something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of
the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the
rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The greatest storm of my
life hit on the 10<sup>th</sup>
of March 2014. My world shattered with the silent birth of my son
Jaden John Cosper. Still in shock, that would continue through the
months ahead, I took my limp baby boy in my arms and kissed his cold
forehead. He was so perfect! How could this be? How could someone
so small and perfect, alive just hours before, die and leave such a
gaping hole in my life and in my heart? What started as a night
filled with the butterflies of eager anticipation had turned into
some sort of nightmarish vision, from which there are times, even
now, that I try to wake.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We had so excitedly
anticipated Jaden’s arrival. We had prepared for months for him to
come home with us! I spent countless hours preparing and decorating
his room in old fashioned airplanes. Oh, how I love his room! We
shopped for all things boy! We had a dresser and closet full of the
cutest little outfits you could imagine! We traded pink and bows to
blue and planes. I was so nervous for a boy, all I had known was
girl, but I was so unbelievably excited for that little boy to come
and all the adventures he would bring.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The time finally came on
Sunday the 9<sup>th</sup>.
It had been a normal day that started out as any other. I was very
pregnant; in fact I was scheduled for an induction early Tuesday
morning only two short days away. However, while at my mom’s
house for dinner I had started having contractions. I was sitting on
her couch watching my stomach do the wave from our little guy doing
his never ending summersaults (Jaden loved to move! He hardly had
any “quiet” moments, day and night you could watch my stomach
wiggle) when the contractions started. They were coming pretty fast
and lasting awhile but they weren’t very “strong” (painful)
compared to the ones I experienced with my first, so I wasn’t
really convinced that it was real labor just yet. My mom, however,
persuaded me into going home and putting Brynlee to bed, and getting
ready to head to the hospital, so I did. After I got home and put
Bryn to bed I hopped in the shower. Contractions were still coming
and he was still moving about like crazy. I assumed that they were
just Braxton Hicks contractions since he was still so active and they
still weren’t hurting at all. So when my water broke in the shower
it was a HUGE surprise!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sam ran around getting the
bags in the car and trying to make sure we had everything we needed
while we waited for my mom to get to our house to stay with Brynlee
who was 18 months old at the time. Brynlee had woken up out of her
sleep (which was not normal) and started calling for me. I went into
her room to put her back to bed and tell her that we loved her. As I
picked her up she wrapped her arms around me and started sobbing.
She hugged me like she never had before and wouldn’t let go. We
weren’t sure what was wrong so Sam gave her a blessing to calm her
nerves and then we left her with grandma to put her back to bed.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We left for the hospital
excited, nervous, and anxious to become parents again. When we got
to the hospital we checked in as normal and were taken to the room I
was going to be delivering in. I changed into the hospital gown and
settled in the bed as they asked all the routine questions and hooked
me up to the monitors. The nurse searched for his little heartbeat
with the monitor but was unable to find it. This was not usual for
Jaden he was normally pretty easy to find, but Brynlee was always a
stinker and would hide from us and if we were lucky to find her right
off she would immediately move and we would have to search again, so
him “hiding” didn’t raise any concern for us. The nurse didn’t
act concerned at all either and said that they were just having a
night that all the babies were hiding so she was going to get an
ultrasound machine to pinpoint exactly where he was. When she came
back into our room with the ultrasound she told us that this
particular machine didn’t always work super well and that she
“sucked” at using it, but it warmed up the fastest and was the
quickest to use. That didn’t help us put too much confidence in
her so when she still couldn’t find a heartbeat we still didn’t
feel worried.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The nurse called for an
ultrasound technician to come with the big machine and check. I
started to feel a little panicked with an ultrasound tech coming, but
Sam reassured me that everything would be alright. The technician
was taking a long time getting there and as we waited the panicky
feeling kept getting stronger. I texted my mom and to tell her what
was happening and that she should come to the hospital. My mom had
my little sister come stay with Brynlee and she headed to be with us.
My sister called my dad to have him come to the hospital as well.
Both my parents showed up before the ultrasound tech that didn’t
come for almost 45 minutes. In that time I started pouring my heart
out in prayer for everything to be ok. I pleaded with God to let
this be ok, let our baby be ok. I remember specifically telling Him
that I could not do this, that we could not do this! Sam and I would
not make it through losing a child. I begged and pleaded, but the
peace did not come, not in the way I was wanting. I had an
overwhelming feeling as I said that I didn’t think we could do
this, that everything would be ok, that WE would be ok! But I knew
in that moment that this wasn’t ok. I knew something was wrong,
but I hadn’t lost all hope. I refused to believe anything until I
heard it straight from them. When the technician came she set up the
ultrasound and turned the monitor away from me so all I could see was
the soft glow of the light on her face as she rubbed the wand across
my stomach. All I had to go off was her face and my dad and Sam’s
as they watched the screen for some sort of hope. She was silent as
she kept moving the wand around and my dad just kept shaking his head
so I looked only at her waiting for her to say, “There it is, there
he is”, she was my last glimpse of hope. But she just continued to
gaze at the screen in silence as she pulled the wand away from my
belly and then looked at me with tears in her eyes and whispered,
“I’m sorry” with a lump in her throat. In that moment my worst
nightmare came to life, my heart and my world were shattered. All I
wanted was to wake up and for everything to be normal, but there was
no waking from this nightmare. What followed was a period of the
most intense grief I have ever experienced. I couldn’t think, I
couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to breathe! Our hopes, our
dreams, and our future were gone, just like that. I was lost. How
could this happen to me? He was perfect! He was perfect the whole
pregnancy, there had never been anything wrong, there was never any
concern. How could he be gone now? He was just moving. I watched
him. I felt him. How was I supposed to go on now? What would I do
with all his things? What would I tell people? How would I live? I
had so many thoughts running through my head all in a moment. Then I
just went numb. The shock set in and I don’t really remember much
after that except looking into Sam’s blue eyes filled with pain as
he hugged me and just held me as I cried. I couldn’t breathe.
The only word I could get out was “no”. I said it over and over
as I gasped for air through my sobs. I cried harder than I ever have
before. My mom ran to both of us and just held us as Sam held me and
my dad just stood there and cried.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The shock came over me
pretty hard. I had stopped crying and was in a daze. My mind had
just shut down. I couldn’t think or focus. It was almost like an
out of body experience. I just was. There was no emotion anymore.
I was in this dazed state when I realized my doctor was standing next
to me. He hadn’t said anything. He stood there with is hands on
our shoulders and cried with us. I kind of snapped back in that
moment and broke down again. He was such a wonderful doctor! He
felt so much with us. He just stood and cried with us until we were
ready to talk. After some time he explained that I would still have
to deliver the baby as normal. They would come in and give me the
epidural and give me Pitocin to try and speed the process along and
make me as comfortable as possible until it was time for me to
deliver. The doctor then told us after I delivered we could hold him
and keep him with us as long as we needed.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">At that point I remember
thinking; I don’t want to do that! I can’t do that. Just get it
out of me and let me go home! I didn’t want to deal with birth or
the after birth effects. I couldn’t see him as my baby in that
moment. I still feel guilt over it now, but in my utter and complete
shock, I thought of him as a tumor almost that just needed to come
out. I didn’t want to hold him, or see him. They needed to get
him out and let me go home. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to
hold my daughter, the child I still had. I needed to hold her. I
needed the comfort of my home, my bed, and my things. I needed to be
out of this nightmare! I think I felt that if I could go home to my
own bed I would wake up and this would all have just been a horrible
dream. But this wasn’t a dream, this was life, my life, and I
wanted nothing to do with it! After the doctor left I must have
voiced some of that out loud because I distinctly remember my mom’s
sweet, comforting voice saying, “Oh honey I know this is so hard
and this hurts so much! But you will want to. He is still your son
and you will want to hold him and see him and memorize every perfect
little thing.” I had been so emotionless and numb from the shock
of it all, but the tenderness of my mom’s voice sunk in. I felt
again. This was my baby. He was mine. He IS mine! I started
crying again.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Shortly after anger set
in. I was angry with God. Why did He not listen? I knew I couldn’t
do this, I told Him that. Then I was angry at myself. I felt like I
failed our son. I could not bring him life outside my womb. It was
my job to love and protect him and I didn’t. I failed him. I
failed my husband in giving him a son, my daughter in bring her
brother home, my parents in their first grandson, a nephew, a friend…
whatever he would be I failed everyone! Just a few short hours
before I felt him moving and now he was gone. How could this happen?
How could my body fail us all so horribly? The questions all
started rushing through my head again. At all those awful thoughts I
became physically ill. Sam held me while my body started to
uncontrollably shake and he was able to help calm me down and settle
my body some. My contractions started coming really hard about this
same time, another reminder that this wasn’t a dream, this was
real. I cried harder.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">The anesthesiologist came
in around this time. Because of all my shaking we struggled getting
the epidural in. It took almost 20 minute to get it placed, but once
it was my body finally relaxed some. And with that relaxation I hit
another dazed state, I felt emotionless. I don’t remember much at
all of the next hours that passed. I slept some, but mainly I just
sat not saying a word. At some point a nurse came in and brought us
a packet of information on how to start making “arrangements.”
Arrangements? I HAD made arrangements. I had arranged his room, his
clothes, I cleaned the house spotlessly. I had arranged everything!
Sam and I now had to make THE most impossible arrangements. Where
would we bury our son? When would we hold the funeral? We had to
pick a casket. Flowers. Songs. Speakers… So many decisions had
to be made at such an unbearable time! I couldn’t think about
anything, how was I supposed to choose anything in that moment?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">My contractions started
harder. It was time. I was ready to push. Only I wasn’t ready at
all! This was it. That was the last I would have of him. I wasn’t
ready. How was I supposed to birth a dead baby? I was so terrified.
What was he going to look like when he came out? How was I supposed
to deal with the silence? I didn’t want to push. I didn’t want
him out. That would be the last of him as part of me. I wasn’t
ready. My body started shaking violently again and I just cried.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Our doctor came in and all
was ready to go. I didn’t push long, he came really fast and easy.
I saw him and immediately fell in love! He was 8lbs 6oz and 21in of
perfectness! He had so much hair. The nurse took him to clean him
off, Sam followed her to be with him.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">While Sam and the nurse
where bathing our sweet Jaden, I was with the doctor finishing up all
the after birth mess. It wasn’t until then that they found out
what caused this to happen. I had way more amniotic fluid than I
should have (which never measured high on any ultrasound through the
pregnancy.) When my water broke because of all the pressure from the
amount of fluid I had it completely shredded my amniotic sack like a
water balloon hitting the ground. Pieces of it went everywhere and
one slung shot around Jaden’s umbilical cord and wrapped around so
tight that it completely cut off all his oxygen supply. The doctor
said that he would have been gone within 5 minutes of it happening
and even if we would have been at the hospital they likely wouldn’t
have been able to get in fast enough to save him.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">As I looked over at my
baby boy being held by his daddy… it hit me. Brynlee knew! She
knew he was gone before we even left the house. She felt it. She
knew before us what we would face when we arrived at the hospital.
She cried for me, for our family. And she had hugged me like she had
never before in that moment. I knew they had such a special bond.
We have had so many tender mercies come through our sweet Brynlee and
have been able to learn a lot about Jaden through her. I know that
Jaden was with her that night, until I delivered him and he was in
that room with us! I knew it. I felt him! Sam brought him over to
me and put him in my arms. He was so perfect and beautiful! He had
a full head of dark wavy hair! His lips were just like Brynlee’s.
And he had my chin. He was a solid boy! His hands were as big as
his 18 month old sister. He had the chubbiest cheeks and just looked
so perfect and healthy in every way!
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We hadn’t named him
until this time. Sam and I looked at each other and immediately knew
his name. Jaden John Cosper. It fit him perfectly. The name Jaden
means “Jehovah has heard.” And John means “God is gracious or
a gift from God.” Jaden has absolutely been a gift to our family!
I knew in that moment he would be one of our greatest gifts! I
didn’t want to ever let him go!
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We were moved to a room at
the very end of the hall where it would be more quiet and peaceful
for us to spend time with him. We had visitors throughout the day,
mainly family that came to see him and hold him. Sam and I laid in
the bed together holding Jaden between us for hours. We napped with
him in our arms. We held him and kissed him. We sang to him. And
we memorized every little thing about him. His fingers, his toes,
his ears, his hair, he was just so beautiful! We had him and held
him for 15 short hours that day. Sam and I spent the last few hours
with just each other and Jaden. We held him and each other until the
mortuary came to pick him up. That moment was the hardest thing I
ever had to do. I couldn’t let him go! I just clung to him and
sobbed and begged that this still wasn’t really real. Like if I
prayed hard enough he would just open his eyes and take a breath and
everything would be ok. But he never took a breath. Sam hugged me
so tight and took our sweet boy from my arms. He walked with a
gentleman down a hall and laid Jaden on a gurney to be taken to the
mortuary.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">For that short minute I
was left alone in the hospital bed unable to move. I felt so empty
and it felt like an eternity. Sam came back into the room and we
just held each other and cried! We stayed that way until the nurse
brought all the discharge paperwork in and my mom got there to pick
us up. A sweet nurse that had been with us from the beginning
wheeled me out and sat with me while Sam got the car. She hugged me
and just cried with me as I sat there with empty arms and an even
emptier heart. Leaving the hospital was harder than I could ever
explain in words.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Leaving with empty arms
and such an empty heart also left me with an empty testimony. I
again felt only anger and desolation as we entered our home full of
baby items waiting for Jaden. All I could do was cry. We held
Brynlee and tried to play with her but we were all feeling the pain.
I must have been a hard reminder for her because she didn’t want
anything to do with me. She would get mad and hit my stomach and
yell, “no baby” which only made me feel more empty. That night
was really rough and fitful. None of us slept much. I cried all
night and questioned. Why me? Am I not a good mom? What did I do
to deserve this? With each question my anger became stronger.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">By the time the funeral
came 3 days later some of that anger subsided. And that day was the
most peaceful day I have ever had. I knew I had not been left alone.
I knew not only was Jaden by my side, but my Savior was there
comforting me. A day that I would have thought would be so horrific
was one of the best. I knew I was not forgotten! He broke through
my anger! He was healing my heart.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Life since then has been a
rollercoaster of ups and downs with A LOT of downs. My life was
forever changed. It was a struggle learning to live again, to
navigate through this new life. Nothing would ever be the same
again. I was not the same person. I couldn’t be. And I had some
friends and family that struggled with that. Death makes people
uncomfortable and so they ignore it, and in doing so I was ignored.
I lost friends, but I also gained some of my very best friends
through this journey. I don’t say this to lose hope for others,
but I want to be realistic. Life after loss is HARD! Life will
never be the same. People leave, people say dumb things, and it
hurts. It is hard. But there is hope!
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I struggled as I said with
my testimony for a while and that went up and down until one night in
my prayers I had such a strong feeling come over me, “I know that
your loss has stolen from you the person you thought you’d be.
However, it hasn’t stolen from you the person I knew you’d be.
You have a purpose. You are still needed.” This changed my
perspective and I gained such a deep testimony that I wouldn’t have
been able to any other way!</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Part of our struggle in
this trial was the damage my amniotic sack ripping apart did to my
body as well. We were informed that getting pregnant again would be
very difficult and may be impossible. I wanted a baby so badly! Our
arms were still so empty and we wanted so badly to bring a baby home.
I wanted to be pregnant and feel a baby move inside again. Sam and
I prayed over what we should do and we felt so strongly that we
needed to start the adoption process.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Adoption is something I
have always felt so strongly about and wanted to do since I was a
little girl myself. Sam and I talked about adopting since we were
married but we always thought we would after we were done having kids
of our own and more settled in life. So adoption wasn’t a new
thought for us. But we were worried that people would think we were
just trying to replace the baby we lost. Jaden would never be able
to be replaced, just as having him didn’t replace Brynlee. Jaden
is our child and always will be! The hole he left in our hearts is
his! It will never be filled by anyone else. And so we pursued the
adoption route. It was a big process but we pushed through it really
fast. We were so eager and so anxious to bring a baby home.
Adoption in itself is a rollercoaster! We met with and talked with 3
birth mothers. In February of 2015 we were chosen by a sweet mother.
She had a little boy born the first week of February and we went to
pick him up and bring him home with us. We had him for only a few
hours when she changed her mind and he was taken back. We were heart
broken. It was only a month away from Jaden’s first birthday. The
hardest part for us was getting all the baby stuff out and ready
again and having to pack it all back up so close to his birthday. It
brought so much of our pain and grief back to the surface. I again
questioned, what am I supposed to do now? Why again?</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Sam and I had been trying
with no luck in getting pregnant through this entire adoption journey
as well. So we were feeling really down and pretty hopeless after
this loss. Brynlee was so disappointed! She wanted a baby so bad.
I wanted to be able to give her a baby brother or sister more than
anything!! Well only 3 days after our Daniel was taken back by his
birth mother, we had the most wonderful surprise! I was pregnant!
It was a miracle and it couldn’t have been better timed! We were
being watched over and our prayers had been heard!
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Quickly after the initial
excitement of this new little one growing inside ME came sheer
terror! Pregnancy after loss is the scariest thing I have ever done!
Every day I would wonder if there would be a heartbeat. I almost
come to expect there not to be. I know many times I prepared myself
for there just not to be one so that I could deal with it if there
wasn’t and that I could be pleasantly surprised when there was.
Because I was considered high risk I had more appointments than
usual, but it still didn’t calm my troubled heart. I still had the
same amazing doctor who was with us through Jaden’s whole pregnancy
and delivery so he understood my fears and concerns. He worked with
me so well through this pregnancy and would squeeze me into his busy
schedule any day if I was having a rough time and just needed to hear
the heartbeat. I went in almost every 2 or 3 weeks through the whole
pregnancy. I was monitored very closely with monthly and sometimes
bimonthly ultrasounds to check my fluid levels. We had a few scares
and some ups and downs in the pregnancy with my fluid, but overall
the pregnancy went very well.
</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We welcomed our sweet
rainbow baby, Jaylee Rae Cosper, to the world on the 6<sup>th</sup>
of this month. She has been such a blessing in our home! Our “Rae”
of light! She has strengthened my testimony and has taught me so
much in her little life. Rainbows do come! Even in the midst of the
storm you can find them. We are never left alone. Brynlee has been
our sunshine through all of this! There was always light, but she
needed her rainbow to come as well. The storms may howl around us,
or we may be left with the horrific aftermath that leaves us
questioning, but I promise you, your rainbow will come! The tender
mercies will come, pray for them, and watch for them. Our burdens
will not be removed, but He will send comfort! In John 14:18 we are
promised by our Savior, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will
come to you.” Believe in that! Hold on to that! Turn to Him, He
is always there! There are bad days, hard days, there is no denying
that. But they are just that. Days. And sometimes they come more
often than not. But it doesn’t make it a bad life. Life is
beautiful and wonderful! As intense as my loss was, I came out on
the other side with new friendships, a greater appreciation for
family, a better perspective on life, and a deeper testimony of the
plan of happiness and the love the Savior has for me. Life is good!
Oh so good!
</span></div>
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Here are some photos of sweet Jaden...</div>
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<br />Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-71306317448712493882015-09-15T13:34:00.000-07:002015-09-15T13:37:57.533-07:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Stacy Hellqvist}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As I sat down and read Stacy's story I was immediately brought to tears. Being pregnant is supposed to be filled with excitement, nausea, wonder, and joy. You aren't supposed to constantly worry for your life and your unborn child's life. To go through something as devastating as that and to do it with such grace is so inspiring. Stacy has taught me a great deal about eternal families and eternal love.<br />
<br />
While we took these photos of Stacy we sat and talked and she told me about her sweet Cece. After we left I immediately told my husband that there was a special spirit I felt while being with her. There was this peaceful feeling I felt while being around Stacy. I'm positive that spirit was Cece. I'm sure anyone that goes around Stacy feels the same thing. Cece may not be here physically but she is here spiritually, always watching and looking over her sweet mama.<br />
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Here's her story....<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Super human senses had begun to set in.
I knew I was pregnant before the little white stick told me so.
Everything was so perfect… We heard the heartbeat at 8 weeks. We
announced to our families around Thanksgiving time. A June birthday,
what fun parties we would have! I was going to be a mommy.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
12
weeks in, after going to the bathroom there was blood in the toilet.
Strange… I made an appointment with my midwife and we figured it
was probably just a bladder infection, because baby, cervix, and
uterus were fine. After the antibiotics I was still seeing blood. 14
weeks we discovered that the bleeding was vaginal, not urinary. An
ultrasound revealed a 10 cm blood clot in my uterus. That’s right I
said CENTI-meters, which equals about 4 inches. They said it would
probably just break apart and I would pass it and all would be well.
Over the next few weeks, pieces of the blood clot came out, but the
bleeding persisted. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
A blood test revealed my HCG levels were
double what they should be at 16 weeks gestation, so I was referred
to the High Risk OB. After the ultrasound, the Doctor had to call one
of his colleagues in Salt Lake City to get a second opinion on his
findings. I was grinning at the little hands, feet, and face that
would appear on the screen during the ultrasound. I could see what in
their words looked like “honeycombing” of the uterus. The doctor
rubbed his eyebrows a lot; he had bad news to tell me. A ‘mole’
(molar pregnancy) had formed alongside a normal fetus. It was an
extremely rare condition, in the doctors 20+ years he had only seen
this 2 other times. Statistics, numbers, probabilities, and so on
were printed off and read to me. All we had to go on were other
studies that were done on women who had the same condition over the
past 20 years. All that stood out to me was the 50% chance of the
baby’s survival. Those were still decent odds, right? I didn’t
cry until I called David, who was out of town working at the time.
Things in my life always seemed to work out, so why would this time
be any different?
</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The goal was to make it to 32 weeks
gestation. Pre-term delivery was probable, so we’d be lucky to make
it that far. The doctor said he was surprised I wasn’t “sicker
than a dog” in his words. So I thought since I was feeling so well,
I’m sure to make it to 32 weeks! Pre-eclampsia was something we
were to watch for. So I tested my blood pressure every day. I went
into the doctor every week to check on my health and the baby’s
growth. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
18 weeks; David was still out of town working, and we
wanted to find out the gender of our baby together, so the ultrasound
tech wrote it down on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope.
David was right the whole time; he knew it was a girl. She was
growing well and was right on track. David started calling her his
‘little Honey Bee’ because the tumor that she was growing
alongside looked like honeycomb.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
24 weeks; the bleeding had persisted
week after week but it wasn’t a lot so they weren’t too worried.
I was doing great and she was growing perfectly. It was just a small
space for her in there since the tumor was also growing along with
her.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Wednesday, February 25<sup>th</sup>,
David and I enjoyed some chocolate lava cakes and ice cream just
before going to bed. Pregnant mommy was very appreciative. Around 3
am I was slowly coming out of a deep sleep with an intense feeling of
needing to urinate. Suddenly there was gushing, I knew it wasn’t
urine, I’d had this kind of gush before. Except instead of the gush
being watery like it was the first time, it was very bloody. Blood
soaked me and the bathroom floor. I wasn’t contracting so I knew I
wasn’t miscarrying. Not knowing what to do, not wanting to call
911, and not wanting to go to the hospital, I called my Doctor (He
took my case very personally and gave me his cell number in case
anything like this was to happen) and he told me I needed to come in.
Even though I could tell he was asleep when I called, he arrived at
the hospital shortly after we did. My baby girl’s heartbeat was
still going strong, but my blood pressure was at about 195/125.
Pre-eclampsia had set in, and I was staying at the hospital till I
delivered. We were hoping it would be another 4 weeks before I had to
deliver, putting me at 28 weeks. The only reason they would deliver
her before that was if they felt like they were going to lose me. I
was given steroids for her lungs, and magnesium sulfate to prevent me
from going in to labor. The heart monitor tied to my tummy lulled me
to sleep every night. “I’m here, momma, I’m still alive, and
I’m fine in here.”
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sunday, March 1<sup>st</sup>, 3 am,
another gush of blood woke me. Throughout the day nurses and doctors
kept a close watch on me. I could hear the lady next door easily
delivering her baby. Actually, all I could hear was her nurse
counting and telling her to push. I thought to myself “March 1<sup>st</sup>…
that’d be a nice birthday…” David gave me a blessing that day
just before we had the sacrament brought to us. A couple of the
nurses joined us in partaking. I kept having little thoughts and
feelings… I said to David, who was sitting on the couch next to my
hospital bed, “I think it’s all going to go down today.” He
asked what made me say that. And I replied “I don’t know, I just
feel like it is.”<br />
It was about 4:45 pm and I was in the
middle of my second blood transfusion, from all my blood loss, when
suddenly I felt a huge gush, and a large blood clot come out. The
doctor came in and watched to see if it would stop or slow down. The
blood just kept coming. Nurses began swarming. It was time, I was
starting to bleed out. I was handed a strange fruity concoction to
drink. The NICU doctor, the anesthesiologist, and the High Risk OB
were all on stand by because they knew this C-section would probably
be an emergency one. Within 5 minutes I was on the operating table
with a nurse holding a mask over my face telling me to take deep
breaths. “Breathe deep for baby” she’d say. This is when the
panic and the fear hit me. I was crying; it was strange how calm I’d
been up to this point. “What if I don’t wake up?” I’d never
been put under before and I was scared for my life and my daughter’s.
Only oxygen flowed through the mask, but the second the NICU doctor
stepped foot into the room, I was put out.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Celestial Elsie Hellqvist was born
March 1<sup>st</sup>, 2015 at 4:56 pm, weighing 1 lb 9 oz and
measuring 11.9 inches. Every body wanted to be there to watch the
delivery, even the security guards stood by and watched. When the
tumor was removed, I’m told it was quite the spectacle to behold.
Scooped out of me and put into a bucket, were what looked like large
tapioca balls. <br />
Celestial was very active for a 24 week baby. The
doctor said she even let out a little cry. Her first night in the
NICU she did marvelously. The first time I saw her I was breathless…
I didn’t know what to say... she was beautiful.. she was perfect…
her hands and feet were just like her daddy’s, her nose was a
miniature of mine. I’ve never experience a love like this before.
<br />
Her second day she got really sick and David wasn’t sure she
would make it, but she fought her hardest and steadily got better.
After a few days, I was finally able to hold her for the first time,
skin to skin… Heaven was in room 6 at the NICU. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As days passed,
she endured much. She had air outside her lungs that the doctor had
to suck out with a needle, severe brain bleeds on both sides of her
brain which made cerebral palsy a likely outcome, and she wasn’t
pooping. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My HCG levels were monitored closely. Before I delivered
they were at a staggering 740,000. At 24 weeks they should be down
around 1200. It was the tumor that caused my hormones to skyrocket.
Once I delivered and the tumor was scraped out of my uterus, my
hormone levels tested at 40,000. They were headed in the right
direction, until another test showed that they had doubled. I had
large ovarian cysts I didn’t know about until after I delivered.
Large ovarian cysts + elevated HCG levels = Cancer. Malignant
Neoplasm of the Placenta to be exact. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
While discussing with the
Oncologist when to begin Chemo treatments, my heart dropped when I
saw that it was the NICU that lit up on my phone. The nurse told me
to come to the NICU as soon as possible. Celestial was sick, very
sick. She was doing so well the day before then her health just
turned a corner and took a dive. An infection had gotten into her
bloodstream, her kidneys had shut down, and the fluids they were
giving her were building up. “I don’t think she is going to make
it.” The Doctor said. Never have I cried harder in my entire life.
Racked with sobs, my heart was on fire. <br />
After much thought,
prayer, and discussion, we made the decision that it was her time to
go and to remove support and hold her one last time as she passed.
Doctors and nurses carefully removed all her IV’s, feeding tube,
breathing tube and monitors, and placed her gently into her daddy’s
arms while I sat on his lap. In that moment, she was so alive. We
loved on her, kissed her, sang to her, and cried. She was beautiful
and perfect. We kissed her sweet face, and she passed in our arms at
1:46 pm on Friday March 20<sup>th</sup>, 2015. The hardest thing I’ve
ever had to do in my entire life, was hold my precious baby girl as
she passed away. And yet, it was the most spiritual and peaceful,
love filled moment. Heaven was once again in room 6 at the NICU. <br />
<br />
<b>“As we wait with those who are
dying… we brush against the veil, as </b><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>good-byes
and</b></i></span><b> </b><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>greetings</b></i></span><b>
are said almost within earshot of each other”</b> – Elder Neal A.
Maxwell</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
David and his dad built a Viking ship
for Celestial to lay in that would fit inside the casket the mortuary
provided, which David painted to look like outer space. My sister in
law made a tiny little dress for CeCe out of the wedding dress we
both wore when we were married. She looked like a tiny princess
laying there with lace draped over her. The funeral service was
beautiful. 100 balloons that we had people write messages to
Celestial on were released. The aunts and grandma’s of Celestial
sang this rendition of “I am a Child of God” <br />
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am a child of God, and He has called
me home.<br />
My earthly journey’s through but still, I do not walk
alone.<br />
He leads me, guides me, walks beside me helps me find the
way.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
He welcomed me with open arms, I live
with Him today.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am a child of God and I have gone
ahead.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My earthly life was brief but oh, such
peace and love you gave.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You loved me, held me, stood beside me
and though I can not stay.<br />
You gave me so much to help me and I
live with Him today.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am a child of God and I will wait for
you.<br />
Celestial glory shall be ours, if you can but endure.<br />
I’ll
lead you, guide you, walk beside you, help you find the way.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’ll welcome you with open arms, one
bright Celestial day.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Her name is in that song twice. It’s
perfect. She’s perfect. My sweet baby girl. Our little Honey Bee. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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Stacy Hellqvist was nominated by multiple people to be featured in my "Inspiring Women" series. </div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-6491989937591306512015-08-07T14:38:00.000-07:002015-08-07T14:43:12.350-07:00Emry's 2nd BirthdaySweet Girl, I love you. I never thought 2 years old would come as fast as it did. You have made the past two years my greatest yet! You keep me laughing, running all over the place, motivated, happy, frustrated beyond belief, and loving unconditionally! You truly are my world and I wouldn't change a thing about my life right now!<br />
I love you, and I like you!<br />
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!<br />
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Emry requested a "Pirate Party" so a pirate party we had! It was so much fun! We invited everyone we knew basically and loved the craziness of it! We had the kids "walk the plank", look for "treasure" in the sandbox, pin the "patch" on the pirate, and had sword fights with swimming noodles!<br />
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-12548835521657584522014-12-26T10:30:00.001-08:002014-12-31T10:10:10.659-08:00{INSPIRING WOMEN} Lew<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I've known Lew for many years, but have never really gotten to know her until this past year. I am so grateful for the short time I have been able to spend with her. She is a beautiful woman, inside and out. Her testimony is strong and her heart is so big. She would do anything for anyone even in her hardest times. Her story is a personal one, full of love, pain, triumph, and happiness. She has found light in the dark and warmth in the cold. </div>
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Thank you Lew for being so willing to share your story and help others through your words. I know someone out there will be so grateful. </div>
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Here is her story...</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Due to hateful threats made by Lew's ex husband, this post has been removed for the safety of her and her family. If you would like to read her story leave a comment and she will email you directly. </span></span></div>
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Lew and her sweet kiddos...
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<br />Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-90046661564916338962014-11-30T22:27:00.000-08:002014-11-30T22:27:24.090-08:00{INSPIRING WOMEN} Staci Anderson<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This is the story of one of my best friends. She IS the definition of inspiring. We have been through a lot together, from crazy college days to broken relationships. I could not love this girl more and I can honestly say I don't know where I would be without her. She is absolutely amazing and deserves the most wonderful life. I hope you all read her story with an open heart and learn from her trials. She didn't let things drag her down, instead she rose up from her trials and became the woman she is today.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Meet Staci...</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Hello! My name is Staci and I am
ordinary. If there is any strength, beauty or love in my life it
comes from The Church of Jesus of Latter Day Saints and today I would
like to share my testimony of trials with you.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Growing up I knew very little, if not
nothing about religion.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">July 2004 I was fourteen years old and
it was the summer before my freshmen year of high school. My dad had
become ill and had been kind of in a funk for a few months. We
thought it was just part of growing older and he seemed like he had
the flu. Well, one day my sisters and I decided to go to the movies
and my mom went over to help my grandma to do some housework. My dad
stayed at home to rest.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When we came home my sisters and I went
to our rooms as normal teenage girls might do and my mom stayed
upstairs to check on our dad. Moments later we heard my mom scream.
This scream/cry was the sound of pure pain and terror. My sisters and
I ran upstairs and we met my mother in the kitchen. She was in total
and complete shock. She kept saying things like, ‘He can’t be
dead.’ And ‘you can’t leave me like this.’ while calling my
brother. My sisters and I kept pleading with her to call 911 but
because of the shock she had no idea we were there. I felt so
helpless and confused. We finally got 911 on the phone and I followed
my mother to her bedroom where my father was. I paused in the hallway
before entering the room. I didn’t want to go in there. I didn’t
want to see my father lifeless but I would go if I were needed. I
cried out ‘mom do you need me. Mom how can I help.’ She was still
so in shock my words were lost in the chaos. At this point I turned
around and there was my little sister. Standing there watching me
looking so afraid and at me for comfort. The feeling came over me to
pray. At this point in my life I had a small seed of the power of
prayer (we don’t have time for that back story). But I thought if
there is a God we would need him now. I grabbed my little sister
‘come on Chanel, we are going to pray.’ We walked into the
laundry room where I closed the door and we knelt down to pray. The
prayer went something like this…</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><a href="" name="_GoBack"></a>“God, please
don’t let our father be dead.” At this point we didn’t know
that he was dead. I had hoped that maybe he had choked or was in a
coma, anything but dead. But as soon as the words left my mouth I
just knew he was. There was no longer a question or doubt. My prayer
then changed too “God, please don’t let this destroy my family,
please let us be closer as a family.” The words were broken but I
sincerely sought help from a higher power. As the words left my mouth
I felt something I had never felt before. The room became peaceful
and calm and I felt the love of a father in heaven. It was so strong
and powerful. This was not an earthly fathers love and it was not a
God that was unaware of his children. This was a God, a Father that
knew me by name and was aware of excruciating pain and loss I was
about to experience in life. That prayer that was easily two minutes
long froze time in my life and would forever change it.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Fast forward to this year. This year
has been one of the most challenging and heart breaking years of my
life. This September I filed for divorce. I don’t want to go into
much detail about this part of my life but it easily shattered my
heart and flipped my life upside down. I was easily the definition of
a ‘hot mess.’ I cried on my way to work, then I would hold it
together during the day, and as soon as I would get in my car I would
cry the whole forty-five minute drive home. I was extremely sad, but
I don’t remember feeling angry. Through my grieving process I
remember thinking, ‘I should be more upset. I should be angry and
bitter.’ Mostly I was sad that Satan had won the battle, that he
had successfully destroyed my eternal marriage. But, at times my
heart was strangely full of gratitude, peace and comfort. I was so
thankful for a job that I find so fulfilling, family and friends that
were there to pick me up when I fell, and the fact that we didn’t
have any kids.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I remember one day leaving the temple
overwhelmed with emotion thinking, ‘Heavenly Father, I don’t
deserve the love and peace you have brought my heart. I don’t
deserve you carrying me through this pain. How can I ever thank you?
How will I ever repay you?’ I received my answer in a one word
thought, ‘obedience.’ I am thankful for that experience. It has
changed how I view going to church, how I talk to people, and how I
read my scriptures. It is no longer a chore to make it on time to
nine o’clock church, it is now a way I can show Heavenly Father how
thankful I am for Him.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My friends, trials will come and they
will go, and I know if it wasn’t for The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter Day Saints I would be angry, bitter, alone and sad. God does
not give us trials we cannot not overcome. If you are going through a
trial in your life do not give up hope. Find strength in God because
he is aware of you and loves you.
</span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="color: #232b2c; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">“Out of the
refiner’s fire can come a glorious deliverance. It can be a noble
and lasting rebirth. The price to become acquainted with God will
have been paid. There can come a sacred peace. There will be a
reawakening of dormant, inner resources. A comfortable cloak of
righteousness will be drawn around us to protect us and to keep us
warm spiritually. Self-pity will vanish as our blessings are
counted.” –James E. Faust</span></div>
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This is her "model" pose ;)</div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Staci, Thank you so much for being so willing to share you story on my blog. I know you have helped so many people who just might be in the same situation you are. You have taught me so much about trials, the gospel, our Heavenly Father, love, and friendship. Love you little bear :)</span></div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-50639085390379341492014-10-30T14:27:00.000-07:002014-10-30T14:28:00.288-07:00{INSPIRING WOMEN} LaRee Hansen<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">This months Inspiring Woman is my beautiful cousin LaRee! She has had a life full of miracles and </span><span style="line-height: 32px;">surprises. I look up to her so much and hope that one day I can be the kind of mother she is. She loves so deeply and relies on the Lord with unshakable faith. Here is her story...</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> I
grew up in Orem, Utah. After graduating from Orem High I attended my
freshman year at Utah Valley University. That is where I met Travis,
he had just returned from serving a mission in Santiago, Chile. We
dated for almost a year before we were married and sealed right
before I turned twenty years old. We have anything but a practical
life. </span></span>
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</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> I
decided to get my cosmetology license in hopes of having a well
paying job to put Travis through the remainder of his schooling.
Plus, I have always loved doing hair and makeup. I graduated very
quickly, and I had a job lined up after graduation at a Salon. I
began to grow a clientele and was making a descent salary. One Sunday
we attended a BYU devotional and we were both overwhelmed with a
strong impression that we needed to start a family right away. We had
the thought enter our minds that it might be hard for us to have
children. Taking this very seriously we made it a priority. I got
pregnant pretty quickly, easing our thoughts and concerns of
infertility. Travis was busy with school and basketball. He
started to stand out and get a lot of attention in the media
his junior and senior years playing Basketball for BYU. His senior
year he was invited to the Portsmouth invitational in St. Thomas. I
was unable to attend because I had just given birth to our first son
Ryder. He played really well and was named MVP of the
tournament. He began getting lots of phone calls and letters from
agents offering to represent him in the NBA draft of 2003. He was
then drafted number 37 of the 2003 NBA draft to the Atlanta Hawks.
We moved to Atlanta shortly after he had signed his NBA
contract. </span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: small;"> It
was exciting to move to Atlanta. Our son Ryder had his first birthday
there. I had never lived outside of Utah and was excited to have that
amazing opportunity to experience living in the south of the United
States. I was blown away by the charm and beauty that Atalanta
had to offer. Beautiful estates with such mature over grown trees. It
was breathtaking especially in the fall and spring. I had hard days
being away from family and friends, but the most amazing thing about
being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is
that you can find friends all over the world. One common thing brings
us together is the perfect love of of our Father in Heaven and Jesus
Christ. The gospel is an anchor that unites, bonds, builds, and
strengthens friendships and relationships with those seeking to do
his work, and improve their lives. No matter the circumstances His
Gospel is an open invitation to all to come unto him, learn of Him
and be made whole through His atonement. I'm so grateful for the
Gospel and the blessing it has been in my life. It has been a secure
anchor and shield when the winds have blown and storms have moved
over me. In hard times I have always turned to the Lord and my
burdens have been lightened and my loads have been made easier. I
am so thankful for my Father in Heaven and his perfect love and that
he is a merciful compassionate God. So compassionate, He gave his
only begotten son, so that each one of us can be forgiven, comforted,
and blessed by Jesus Christ's Atonement. I'm so grateful for my
Savior and his perfect obedience to do the will of his Father. All of
these miraculous events happened because of love. </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Travis's
contract came to an end. In negotiations his agent was able to get an
outstanding offer from a team in Victoria, Spain. The offer was hard
to turn down. We packed our bags and we headed on a flight to start a
new adventure in Spain. It was a bit of a culture shock coming
from Atlanta to beautiful Vitoria. The kisses on the cheeks were hard
to get used to. Being American and coming from a family where we were
not very affection, we value our personal space. The food
was very different, the cars, buildings, shopping, siestas, fashion,
and slower pace of life. When I first got there I was a bit arrogant,
thinking that it was silly that they closed everything down in
the middle of the day to nap or rest. As I lived there longer I
began to see the beauty and grew a deep respect for their culture and
tradition. It was nice that families could come home in the middle of
the day from work or school to rest or spend time together. I also
learned to appreciate the warm greeting of the two kisses on the
cheeks. It was very kind and respectful and it broke walls down of
coldness or insecurity instantly. After all, in my religion, kissing
on the cheek was like going to first base... Just kidding!! But it is
unusual to kiss a complete stranger where I come from. </span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> My
husband was very busy and rarely was able to attend church with me.
It was challenging going with my 1 year old son and not speaking any
Spanish. Luckily there was an Elder serving in that area. He
was an angel. He is still the missionary who has left an everlasting
impression on me. Elder Bateman would translate the meeting in
English with a head set and microphone. All while playing the piano
and blessing and passing the sacrament. Sometimes he even ended up
giving a talk or conducting because people did not show up. A
missionary on a mission to serve the Lord. People at
church were very quiet and not as friendly as they were in Atlanta.
But there was the kindest lady named Maria Jesus. She just
smiled and kissed me on both of my cheeks and she adored Ryder. She
always made me feel welcome. Her eyes shined like the sun, with
the light of Christ. </span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> We
had been in Spain for 2 years with no luck of getting pregnant for
the second time. We decided to see a fertility specialist. We soon
learned that we had infertility issues. It came as a shock because we
were able to get pregnant so quickly with her first child, we almost
didn't believe the news. Our first son Ryder was a complete medical
miracle. We then realized the only way to have more children would be
with fertility treatments. We began the process of in vitro
fertilization immediately. It was a horrible experience, I was
given the wrong injections several times that caused hyper
stimulation. I ended up in the hospital with complications and
difficulty breathing. It was very scary. Travis was out of the
country playing in Russia and was not given permission to fly home to
take care of Ryder and I. Luckily Travis' sister Heather was able to
come to the rescue with a phone calls notice and she was there the
next day to care for Ryder. I am so thankful for her and her
sacrifice. To make this long story short the IvF was unsuccessful.
My dearest friend I made in Vitoria named Teresa was
always serving me and helping me. Maybe it was out of pity or perhaps
she was an answer to all of my prayers. Although she wasn't the same
religion as I, we had similar values and characteristics. To this
day, I love her like a sister. I'm so thankful for her
friendship. She is beautiful in every way. I am so grateful to have
met her in a time of life when I needed a friend so desperately.
After Trav's contract was up in Vitoria we returned to Utah and tried
another Ivf full cycle in LA. It was successful! We packed up, and
set out on a new basketball journey to Moscow, Russia. Shortly after
we arrived I had a miscarriage. Starting all over with a new country,
apartment, language, culture and life I really struggled with the
miscarriage on top of all of the uncertain things in life. I did not
have a friend in literally thousands and thousands of miles. My
husband was traveling 2-3 times a week out of Russia. He was gone 6
-8 hrs a day in the car to get to his practices twice a day. He
sacrificed living closer to his practices for me and our family so
that we could move in an expat community. He was sometime in the car
2 hrs each way. He is so unselfish and thoughtful, I love my husband.
</span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> I
was utterly alone. There were times where I thought if I did not have
Ryder I would have died of a broken heart. Ryder was my side
kick, my buddy, best friend, and he was the sweetest child. I was so
thankful for him and that God had given him to me before we took off
on the basketball adventures. One night after Ryder had gone to
bed, I began to search the scriptures with tears streaming down my
face and with words of my prayer crying out of my heart and mouth. I
pleaded with my Father in Heaven for an answer, or at least a reason
for my suffering. I asked for peace and comfort. I even asked if He
cared or was he even aware of me? I came across Mathew 11:28-30. I
was overcome with a tremendous feeling of peace and comfort. I had a
very strong impression that I was there to do some work and help His
children in Russia. I also felt a strong feeling of love and that he
was aware of me and wanted me to not weep or feel sorry for myself.
My trial was small and it was not going to be forever. I was prompted
through the Holy Ghost to begin searching the statistics of orphaned
children and statistics of children with special needs in Russia.
Earlier that day I had seen an episode of Oprah where kids were being
sold into slavery in Africa for 20 dollars. It haunted me. 5 year
olds were sold to work for fisherman. They were sent to retrieve nets
out of the ocean and many of them could not swim. They would get
caught in the nets and drown. The masters would just go replace them
with another child sold by their parents for 20 dollars. It still
haunts me even writing about it. It hurts my soul to think of this.
But it also moved me and it still does today. I went into action with
a crazy idea to start a children's foundation to help children around
the world. I would start right there in Moscow, Russia and hopefully
be able to help in other parts of the world. </span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: small;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> My
husband and I always had a desire to adopt so we began to fill the
adoption papers out when Ryder was four. As we were just about to
mail them off I found out that I was pregnant. No fertility treatment
just an answered prayer and a miracle from our loving Father in
Heaven. It's crazy how the Lord works. He refines us, He sometimes
has to test and try us so we can be the instrument or tool He needs
to build up His kingdom. I'm so humbled by His perfect plan of
happiness. It is real and I testify of it. I know our Father in
Heaven loves each one of us and Christ lives. He atoned for our sins
and he is the prince of peace. The atonement is real and it is
powerful, it's miraculous. I have seen it change lives, comfort the
heartbroken, and soften the hardest of hearts and allow forgiveness
and mercy to take place. It is beautiful and glorious. </span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Shortly
After my pregnancy my husband's Achilles ruptured during a game, we
were sent home to Utah for an emergency surgery. While we were home
we were approached by a nice gentleman named Eric. He worked for
nature sunshine. He mentioned that his company was looking for a
foundation to sponsor and they wanted the foundation to be doing work
in Russia. It was a perfect match and they became our founding
sponsor. We know it was another miracle and a stepping stone to help
the children in Russia. We returned to Russia with funding and began
to do humanitarian work with the funds from Natures Sunshine. We
lived in Moscow Russia for 4 years. It was amazing and beautiful. I
love the people and culture. I'm truly blessed for the experiences I
had and people I met there. Because of the foundation a sweet little
boy named Artem with liver failure was able to get a liver transplant
and is healthy and happy. The impact of the foundation today. </span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: small;"> In
no way do I want to take credit for the impact. I truly believe it
has been Heavenly Father's work and my husband and I were instruments
and tools that helped the miracles take place. </span></span>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSSH9Y07ZeqrEDJpKzR4GWIj_x7-D6aTrRCVi6wA4Hj4IMa2OoMKJM-I1K1sjx1yGvd6Etr2NwseCwuUPBPtXvGA4GQxQ1cgSQriXqWSXuRmJ5G8fRVb6-MGxYk_SY_mrQ7j2eKSkfXfg/s1600/LaRee.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSSH9Y07ZeqrEDJpKzR4GWIj_x7-D6aTrRCVi6wA4Hj4IMa2OoMKJM-I1K1sjx1yGvd6Etr2NwseCwuUPBPtXvGA4GQxQ1cgSQriXqWSXuRmJ5G8fRVb6-MGxYk_SY_mrQ7j2eKSkfXfg/s1600/LaRee.png" height="155" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Since
starting the the foundation we have been blessed with 2 more healthy
boys and a beautiful daughter through adoption. We have four
beautiful children who are miracles and gifts from God. I love being
a mother and a wife, I love my husband with all of my heart, and I
love my kids deeply. I am so blessed and I count my blessing daily. I
truly see the blessings through the growth of overcoming obstacles
and challenges. With the Lord all things are possible. </span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: small;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;"> When
you have promptings don't stay in neutral get moving into action and
be an instrument and you will allow miracles to take place!! </span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 200%;">Thank you so much for sharing your story, LaRee. You are truly inspirational. Love you!</span></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">LaRee..</span></div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-49799799011575837482014-09-30T20:20:00.002-07:002014-09-30T20:20:40.903-07:00{INSPIRING WOMEN} Emilee Oliver<span style="font-family: Times;">I grew up on a small farm in Taylorsville, Utah. My cousins and grandma all lived very close to me, it was a wonderful life. The kind I dreamed of having myself when I grew up and got married and had kids of my own. I met my sweet Cowboy at the Salt Lake County Fair, showing pigs. We competed against each other along with my cousins and his. We all cheered each other on with our animals. We were all friends and dated each other. Josh and I started dating the summer of my senior year, that following August we where married in the Salt Lake Temple for Eternity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span>One year for Christmas I got real baby stuff like a stroller, cradle, diaper bags, etc. As a little girl I always loved playing dolls and dress up. In fact I started dressing up my dogs and cats for fun. When I was a Senior in high school the counselor would always ask, what do you want to be when you grow up? My answer was always a MOM!! They would look at me like I was crazy, but I didn't care. I had many wonderful women to look up to, my mom and grandma. I loved how my mom made our house a home. She loved decorating for all the fun holidays. She was a wonderful cook, and so was my grandma. So needless to say my love for wanting to be a mom only continued to grow and grow. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span>We waited a couple years to start a family, when we were trying it was really hard every month having that time come and know that you were not pregnant!! I had lots of friends, sisters, and cousins having babies. I was always so happy for them but wondered why not us? Why are my dreams of being a mom not coming true? After many years of not being able to start our family, we thought about adoption. I have seen adoption first hand, two of my cousins were adopted, my husbands cousin is adopted, and my sister in laws son is as well. We wondered if that was the path the Lord wanted us to take. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span>After many many prayers, we decided to go into LDS Family Services. We received loads and loads of paper work. We spent months working on it. We went into Family Services for the first time in January of 2007, and turned in our paper work in May of 2007. As many of you know adoption is a roller coaster, you never know when you will get that call. I tried my hardest to be prepared as much as we could. We had a couple things come up but nothing ever came about. It was the end of October, my mom and sister said to me while we were at lunch one day, do you still think you will have a baby by the end of this year? I said yes. And a couple days later we got a call about a little boy due in about two weeks. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span>We met with this sweet birth mom who was 25. When we walked into meet she had her mom with her. Crazy thing was her mom was my English teacher in Jr high. As we talked I saw a woman who was strong and very courageous. She delivered a beautiful baby boy on November 17, 2007 we brought him home the day before Thanksgiving, what a wonderful and thankful Thanksgiving it was. We waited 10 long years for him to begin our family. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> As Zak got older he would talk about wanting a brother or sister. It broke our hearts to think we couldn't do anything about it. Josh and I both had been to the doctors, they said everything was fine with us. That was the frustrating part not knowing why we couldn't have a baby. As years passed we were getting very frustrated. So, in May 2012 we decided to turn our papers into a private agency it took me months to make our 6 books. Finally we turned them in the end of October. Then, we waited. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> At the end of March we got a call from this private agency saying there was a birth mom interested in us, she lived in Las Vegas she was a single mother of four this was her sixth child, she had placed a little girl two years earlier. A week later we meet this beautiful woman, she wanted me to be in the delivery room, I was so grateful for this opportunity, her due date was May 23rd. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> This birth mom was not receiving proper prenatal care so a couple days before May 17 both me and my mom had a strong feeling she needed to go see a doctor, but she wouldn't go. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> On May 17th we got a call in the middle of the night saying she was in labor, we packed the car so fast, and headed to go meet our new baby. When we were twenty minutes away we got the worst call any one can receive, our baby Kaylee that we had waited years, and years to join our family had passed away. I was so sick and our little boy Zak shouted out no, not my sister! It was the worst thing we had ever been through. We had wanted and waited for this little girl for so long. I could not go to the hospital I just couldn't do it. We left our gifts that we had for Christina, Kaylee's birth mom, with the agency and headed back to Utah. On June 25 I got a text in the middle of the night from Christina of pictures of Kaylee, she was beautiful, tons of dark black hair. It was so hard looking at them, it was almost like starting over again, my heart was broken. I wanted my baby girl here with us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> As I was struggling, there were many days I would say Heavenly Father you need to carry me today, I need you, I know there were many times he carried me. My love grew closer to my heavenly father as I relied on him each day. I heard a new quote that I loved it was, "I Can Do Hard Things". My Mom had a little boy in her ward pass away and told me I should go to the funeral, she thought it would help me, that maybe someone would say something that would help me. I didn't understand it at the time but, I did end up going. I'm so thankful for my mom being in tune of the spirit because Elder Holland was there, I will never forget that day and the feelings I had. I told my mom I wanted to shake his hand so as the funeral was ending many people where standing in line to shake his hands, I felt as if the Lord was here on earth, I know he is a man of God. After I walked up to him to shake his hand I told him that I enjoyed the words that he spoke, I then told him I had lost a little girl a couple weeks ago, he said I will pray for you. He said the Lord is mindful of me. I will always treasure that day, I felt like he had a hand in what was about to take place. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> After Kaylee died a lot of our families said that the Lord would make up for our loss, that this next child that would be coming will be extra special. I remember I had told one of my sisters that I believed that before I came down to this earth I knew what trials I would face, I believed I knew that this would happen and that I told the Lord I can do this, I feel like He said there will be amazing women that would bear children and that they won't be able to raise them who in this room would raise these amazing sprits I believed I raised my hands, even jumped up and down saying "I will, send me!!" </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> The first fast Sunday in August I fasted that a birth mom would find us, Josh even bore his Testimony saying how we love birth moms and how thankful we are for them in our lives and blessing us. After Kaylee passed away we told Zak we needed to pick out a different name for a boy or girl, we asked him what name he liked. He said Makenzee, and that was it, then he would pray that a birth mom would find us, and that Makenzee would come into our home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> On August 5th I read an email that a sweet, amazing birth mom sent. I about died when I read her name, her name was Makenzie. I knew then that our Heavenly Father does hear us and does answer our prayers even if we have to wait years. As I was reading it I could feel this sweet woman's testimony, I continued on to read that she was almost 13 weeks along I said oh Lord you wouldn't do this to me. How will I make it that long. I felt like all that we went through that the Lord would bless us with someone calling saying that a baby was here. But that wasn't the case. I will never forget the excitement I had as I read but, I was also scared. With adoption there is always a possibility of scams. I was worried and scared that after all we went through maybe she would change her mind.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> She had found us on it's about love LDS website, I then was like oh my gosh those pictures I had on there were not updated I was like oh no she might think Zak is younger then what he was so I hurried and emailed her telling her to check out our blog and that would help to find out more about us. We met a couple days later at Longhorn steak house. When she walked in with her mom we gave them a hug, it was like I was meeting up with a long lost best friend. We were there talking for almost 5 hours, I couldn't believe how much her mom looked familiar to me. We asked her what they thought the baby was and she said a Girl! As the weeks would go on we would text each other every day, I believe we never missed a day, our love grew for this amazing, strong birth mom. we loved her family as well, it was like we had known them forever. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> When we went down for her ultra sound it was a day I will never forget, as we were on our way there she asked if we had ever been to Cedar City, I told her yes to stop and get gas on our way to St George, or Vegas except for about 10-12 years ago for Josh's cousin, Shane, who died in a hunting accident. Then the next crazy thing happened, she said that's my cousin. We about died. We could't believe what we had just found out. Our family was linked in so many ways already. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> We would ask Zak what is Kenz having and he would say a girl every time, right before we went in we asked him again he said my sister. As they were doing the ultra sound, I was trying so hard to hold back the tears, I had never been to an ultra sound, I felt very grateful that Kenz and her family let us be there. As the baby showed on the screen tears ran down my face as I looked at that perfect baby, it seemed like years but finally the tech said, it's a "Girl"! We all were so happy we knew right there she would be called Makenzee as her big brother had picked out months ago. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> As February got closer the more excited our little family was getting as we were waiting the arrival of Makenzee. I remember Kenz going to the doctor and her telling me that they would be inducing her a week early. Her induction date was scheduled for February 12th. The plan was, we would leave in the morning and head down, we got down there before noon. Things were moving so slow so we went and got some lunch, I remember being over come with emotions as I thought it's taking so long she must have too many loved ones to say goodbye to. I could imagine it in heaven. It was the longest day ever, it seemed like time went still. Things were still so slow. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> I was a wreck worrying about and wondering how Kenz was feeling and doing. Finally about 3:00 am on Feb 13th her mom sends a text saying the doctor's on his way, we jumped up of course we had not gotten any sleep, her mom said just so you know Kenz is pretty agitated and might not want you in the room to see Makenzee be born, my heart sunk but I knew I couldn't see her in pain. When we got there her dad was waiting and all three of us were so excited!! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> Then her mom came running out saying hurry Em she wants you to come in. When I walked in that room I saw a very brave, and strong woman, the one that would bless our lives with this sweet baby. There was a very sacred feeling in that room, as I stood in the corner watching the doctor, tears were rolling down my face, as soon as the doctor said she is almost here she has a lot of hair, I was dying, as she was coming out I saw an Angel, I can't describe the amazing feelings. Kenzie allowed me do everything as If I was the one who gave birth. As I cut her cord I thought what an honor to be in that room to be with her sweet birth mom who was in labor for 25 hours, who minutes later was making everyone laugh with the things she was saying. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;"> Josh and Kenzie's dad were then brought in, I will never forget the look on Josh's face when I handed our sweet Makenzee to him, he was so proud. I knew then she will always be a daddys girl. There were so many loved ones that were there to see Makenzee, she is one lucky girl to have so many people that love and care for her. She is blessed to have three grandpas, three grandma's and three wonderful great grandparents. She is so blessed to have so many love her. Two families combined into one. I will always be so thankful for these amazing birth moms that make it possible for me to be a mom, and to have my family. I'm so thankful for Kenz and her family and for Kenzies Christ like love. She is truly an answer to so many years and years of prayers. I'm thankful for our Heavenly Father for carrying me through my trials, I'm thankful for the knowledge that one day we will see Kaylee and be able to raise her. This past weekend we were sealed as an eternal family, and Makenzee was given a blessing by her father. It was a really neat experience having all of our families together as one. Adoption is love, I am so lucky to be a stay at home mom to these sweet children who we have been blessed with, I have the best job!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">Thank you so much for sharing your story, Emilee! You are a perfect example of how prayer really does work! Our Heavenly Father listens to us and is aware of us. Emilee, you are a wonderful mother and it is such an amazing thing that you are able to keep such a close relationship with Kenzie. She is a great person with so many special gifts! Kenzee is one lucky baby girl! #loveforopenadoption</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">Here is Emilee and her sweet family (minus her hubby)...</span></div>
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Here are some pictures of this sweet family from their Temple sealing!</div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-61144108803586435712014-08-29T09:13:00.001-07:002014-08-29T09:13:59.405-07:00INSPIRING WOMEN {what she's doing now}This month I decided to do something a little different in celebration of sweet baby Jayzen. Remember <a href="http://thoughtsphotographs-brenna.blogspot.com/2014/06/inspiring-women-jessica-dupass.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #f1c232;">Jessica Dupass</span></a> and her sweet story, well she had her baby boy and he is home and healthy! Instead of featuring someone new I decided to go out and take pictures of Jayzen.<br />
I love the way a house feels when there is a newborn there. It is so quite, peaceful, and happy. (When they are asleep that is) Being around a newborn always gives me this overwhelming feeling of our Saviors love and what Heaven will one day feel like. I also love seeing a mom with her new baby. There is something so special and so heavenly about the love between a mother and her child. I asked Jessica to tell us her birth story in a mini version.<br />
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Here it is...<br />
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On August 12, 2014 @ 12:26 PM, Jayzen Maddox Dupass came into this world weighing 6 lbs. 1 oz, 18 1/4 inches, beautiful as ever, and causing a scene. My entire pregnancy was scary and very stressful. So, why would he make his arrival any different?<br />
We had started the morning at the hospital but we weren't there to bring little man into this world! Nope! We were there to have this stubborn little guy flipped into the head down position. He was transverse breech (his head was in my ribs, back up, bum in my other ribs with his cute little toes towards my cervix). We went to the hospital to have a procedure called ECV (External Cephalic Version) done. External cephalic version, or version, is a procedure used to turn a fetus from a breech position or side-lying (transverse) position into a head-down (vertex) position before labor begins. When successful, version makes it possible for you to try a vaginal birth. Well long story short neither of us liked the procedure very much and we both had really bad reactions to the epidural and the Version. Jayzen's heart rate dropped really low after he was flipped so, we ended up in an emergency C-Section. It took 7 minutes from the time his heart rate dropped until he was out. When he was born he wasn't breathing properly and his heart rate was really low. He really likes to scare us! I have a feeling that he's going to be the one that gives me gray hair. Jayzen is the answer to many prayers...He is healthy, beautiful and perfectly perfect!<br />
There have been many pieces to our puzzle that have been missing and with him he brought those pieces and completed our puzzle. I can officially say that he is the beginning to our happily ever after.<br />
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I just want to thank Jessica for being so willing to share her birth story. She is an amazing person who deserves so much. Jayzen is so lucky to have her as a mother. She loves her boys with all her heart and cares for them in a way that is unimaginable. Thanks again Jessica! </div>
<br />Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-13721425440298956572014-08-09T09:55:00.001-07:002014-08-09T09:55:20.233-07:00Letters to Em {Emry Doll}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Dear Emry, You are so sweet, loving and kind to this little doll. Your reaction to this sweet doll was better than I could have imagined. I can already tell that you will be the most amazing mama one day. I love you, sweetheart. </div>
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Love, Mama</div>
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I finally got around to taking pictures of little miss in her birthday dress with her birthday doll:) Ashley Whetman with "Sew Darling" made this precious doll for Emry. It was so sweet when Emry opened her.. She gave her a big hug and kiss. It immediately melted my heart. She loves this doll so much, she sleeps with her every night. Be prepared for a billion pics of Emry and "Emry Doll"... there were too many good ones to pick just a few. </div>
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To get your own, go check Ashley's dolls out at @sew_darling on Instagram.</div>
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<br />Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-11483302751549679062014-07-28T13:44:00.000-07:002014-07-28T13:44:32.477-07:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Kenzie Cowart}<div class="" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
This months inspiring woman is Kenzie Cowart! I went to school with this lovely lady and consider her a dear friend. She has been through a lot but is working on making a better life for herself and her beautiful family! I am so grateful she was will to share her story on my blog. She is definitely so inspiring. She made the hardest decision she will ever have to make and is trying to heal from it. She is a true mother, a beautiful person with a beautiful heart. She chose a better life for her daughter even though that meant not being with her. Life is full of curve balls but Kenzie know how to hit them out of the park! Love you Kenzie, thanks again! </div>
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Here is her story...</div>
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<span class=""><b>25</b></span>. The number of my favorite baseball player. The number I wore on my back all throughout athletics. My lucky number. I never knew that it would end up meaning more to me than I ever imagined. </div>
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I kept telling myself, family and friends that this was it, this was going to be my year. I was turning 25 and I just knew that good things were going to come my way. Little did I know it wasn't going to be the year I had envisioned for myself. 6 days after my 25th birthday I sat alone in my room in silence, in shock. My eyes were so full of tears they had no other way out than to stream down both of my cheeks, burning all the way. I kept telling myself this has to be a mistake, this really can’t be happening to me. Why me? Why now? Why, why, why? I kept trying to tell myself that it wasn't right. But no matter how many times I tried to convince myself it wasn't real, the word PREGNANT wasn't going away.</div>
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I tried my hardest to go to sleep that night. Tossing and turning with floods of different emotions and thoughts keeping me restless through the night. The next morning couldn't come fast enough. I didn't know what to do or where to even start. I finally convinced myself that it wasn't going to go away and I called my aunt who happens to work at my family practitioner’s office. I told her I needed to come in and see her right away. She could tell I was emotional and my soft whimpers were far from being unnoticeable. She told me not to worry and come right in. As I drove to the doctor’s office I was still trying to tell myself that this wasn't real. </div>
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Sitting in a staff room alone with my aunt, hands over my swollen crying eyes, body trembling as bad as I have ever experienced, the medical assistant walked in and without a word, I knew for a fact that i was indeed pregnant.</div>
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I wasn't quite sure how I was going to tell my parents this news so for the time being I asked my aunt to not say anything. The next few weeks were just a blur. I woke up, went to work, came home, and did the same thing over and over. Keeping this information all to myself. Not knowing how to tell the one person I needed the most- my mom. I knew that I would feel better if I would just tell her but every time I tried my mind was blank. How could I hurt her, how could I make her disappointed in me? Instead I carried this tiny growing baby a secret for nearly 2 months. </div>
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One day around the middle of July I was helping my parents remove a tree from their front yard when our new bishop happened to show up. He asked when we could talk. He had been wanting to talk to me for a few months but we never actually sat down to do it. I had been asking God for help for a way to tell my parents and I knew that this was the answer I was looking for. The Bishop told me to swing by in a few hours and without hesitation I agreed.</div>
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After many tears a good long talk with my bishop he only solidified the need to tell my mom. As I made the short drive from the church to my parents’ house I was all geared up and ready to tell her. I remember her asking me how the meeting went and just bursting into uncontrollable sobs. The concerned look on her face pierced my heart and I knew that what I was about to tell her was going to break hers. Disappointing your parents is by far one of the worst feelings in the world. Getting the words out was extremely difficult. My mom threw her arms around me and told me I was gonna be ok. It didn't ease my pain any but I felt the burden of my secret instantly lifted from my shoulders. I knew the next step would be to tell my dad. I wasn't sure I could tell him on my own. I left to watch my softball team scrimmage while my mom talked to him.</div>
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When I got home, I sat in my car for nearly 10 minutes trying to play out the next 5 minutes in my head. When I finally walked through the door I saw my dad all dressed in his black suit. Head to toe he looked more calm and loving than I have ever seen him look. I walked over to him and he pulled me in his arms while I began to cry. He told me he wanted to give me a blessing so that I could feel the comfort of my Heavenly Father. </div>
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On July 24 I remember being alone with my Aunt who had helped me at the doctor’s office. We were sitting at my family’s cabin in the mountains when she asked me if I knew what I wanted to do, if I had some kind of plan. I knew that I should have one, but I just said, “I am still trying to grasp it all.” Her next words made the biggest impact of my life thus far. She said, "Kenzie, I want you to know that I am behind you no matter what you do, but being a mother on the receiving end of adoption is the biggest blessing anyone can get." Her son was adopted and I hear stories all the time of how happy our entire family was for the moment he entered their lives.</div>
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What she said stuck with me throughout the weekend and when I got home I couldn't shake the thought. I began reading the Family Proclamation and over and over the importance of a father ran through my head. To be complete family you need both a mother and father and that was the one thing I knew I couldn't provide. I have not a single doubt in my mind that I would have made a great mother. But no matter what I did I couldn't provide her with the most important thing- a loving father, a complete family that could be sealed together for all time and eternity. I told my mom I was maybe thinking adoption would be the best thing for me. She told me that no matter what I decided she would be behind me 100%. </div>
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My mom had spent some time looking at profiles of families wanting to adopt. She told me that one of them had caught her eye. The moment I read their profile I knew in my heart that adoption was my decision and this was the family I wanted my child placed with. I felt that this mother needed to be with me every step of the way so I knew I needed to contact them immediately. I stared at a blank screen trying to decided how to write an e-mail that would change my life. After typing and deleting for nearly an hour I finally pushed send.</div>
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The next day I was at my mom’s shop getting my hair done when I finally received a reply. We e-mailed back and forth until she asked me if she could call and talk to me later that night. We ended up talking like I had known her my whole life. Emilee began to tell me all about herself, her husband Josh and their sweet son Zak. She told me that when she opened my e-mail tears blurred her vision from just reading my name.</div>
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She explained that they had been picked to adopt a little girl in May of 2013, about three months prior to me contacting them. When they got the call that the mom was in delivery they packed their bags and headed south toward Las Vegas. 20 minutes outside of Vegas they received a call no one ever wants to get. They were told the baby didn't make it and had died during delivery.</div>
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My heart ached for this sweet family. She started to get really emotional and apologized to me.</div>
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She told me that on their way home from Vegas their son Zak who was five years old at the time asked her where his baby sister was. Emilee told Zak that his baby sister Kaylee was back in heaven. That she was needed with her Heavenly Father. Zak then asked if he was going to get a new sister. Emilee told him that they were going to try again but this next time it could be either a brother or a sister.</div>
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She paused for a second too emotional to continue. She said that Zak told her, “Ok, but if I get another sister I want to name her…. Makenzie.” </div>
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When I heard that, instant tears and goose bumps followed. How incredible for this first interaction with this sweet family. My second family. </div>
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We planned to meet the next time I was up near their area. My mom and I planned to meet with them at a steak house for dinner. As I walked in and toward our table this cute little blonde haired, blue eyed boy came up to me and handed me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. We sat down and talked the night away. We were there for nearly 4 hours, just learning all we could about each other. It felt as if we had done this time and time before. This family was the perfect fit for me and I knew they would be for my baby as well. I told Emilee and Josh that they were more than welcome to be as involved during the pregnancy as they wanted.</div>
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Then came the day of my ultrasound. On the way to the hospital their son Zak asked if I would ride with them. As we were driving there they began talking about the play land at McDonalds. I asked them if they came to Cedar City a lot. Josh began to tell me that they came to Cedar one time for his cousin Shane's funeral who had died in a hunting accident. In the back seat of their car my mouth dropped and I shouted out, "that’s <i>my</i> cousin". We began to talk more about family and realized that his family was indeed my family too. Shocked beyond belief I couldn't wait to meet up with my mom and tell her. In this big wide world, we were finding many things that linked us together and our relationship was deepening. </div>
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When we were finally called back for the ultrasound I could see the excitement in this family’s eyes. My heart was so full for them. The technician asked what they wanted and everyone said girl. But of course we all just wanted the baby to be healthy. </div>
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When the tech said, ITS A GIRL, joy and tears flooded the room. I remember turning to my mom and telling her "DO NOT CRY". Seeing this family’s happiness made every single pain I was feeling or had felt go away. My pain and heartache was worth every single second from then on. </div>
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The months seemed to fly by and before I knew it we were in February. When I found out the doctor was going to induce me a week early I called Emilee right away. She was so excited I could feel her excitement through the phone. </div>
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February 12, the day of my induction. I told Emilee she was more than welcome to be in the room with my mom and me at the time of delivery. I told the doctor that the first person to hold this sweet baby would be Emilee. She was the one going to be called mom and needed to have the first bonding time with her new daughter. I carried this child for 9 months knowing that she would forever an always be in my heart but raised in a different home. She is my daughter and I am her birth mother and nothing will ever change that but from the moment I connected with Emilee I knew this miracle baby was hers. </div>
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After <span class=""><b>25</b> </span>(theres that number again) long hours there was the sweetest little cry I have ever heard. Thursday February 13 at 3:53 am my sweet baby girl Makenzee Ann Oliver was born at 7 lbs. 12 oz. and 19 inches long. She was more perfect then I ever could have imagined with beautiful color, a head full of dark hair, long fingers. She was finally here. The room was instantly filled with a strong spirit. There was so much happiness coming from two different families, this tiny baby girl making us one big family. Within hours she was surrounded by parents, brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles. There was so much love for this little girl. Every aching heart in this family longing for a baby was healed instantly with a simple look at Makenzee. </div>
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I knew the next day wasn't going to be an easy one for me. It was the day I had to sign my name agreeing to the adoption. I have always been a stubborn tough girl and throughout the 9 months I told myself, “I can’t cry. I have to be strong.” When everyone said it was ok to be sad and show emotion I held it all in. I read through all the papers with my case worker and was finally unable to control the tears coming down my face. At 9:<span class=""><b>25</b></span>am I did the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life. I signed my name. I finally felt the urge to just break down and yet I couldn't do it with people in the room. My mom knew I needed some time alone and she and my dad left. I remember wanting to just cry but every time I was about to let go someone would walk in to my room. So I kept holding it in.</div>
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At 10:<span class=""><b>25</b></span><b> </b>am I was released from the hospital. I remember looking up at the clock and telling my mom with what humor I could muster “So much for <b>25 </b>being lucky.” </div>
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The ride home was a blur. When I was finally in my home I remember letting it all out, crying like I have never cried before. My mom told me we should say a prayer and the minute she said amen I felt calm. I laid down and went to bed for the night. </div>
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The next morning Emilee and Josh came over to my house and wanted to spend some time with me and let me be with Kenzee as much as I wanted before they headed home. To think that they are always thinking of me makes me feel beyond grateful and special. The Lord sure knew what he was doing bringing my family and theirs together. Saying goodbye would have been the hardest thing for me to do, but I knew that it wasn't going to be the end. </div>
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It has been five and half months since Makenzee was born and Emilee has yet to miss a day of talking to me on the phone. She sends me a picture every day and talks to me about everything. I have seen their family multiple times and feel more and more loved each time. Just recently Emilee drove down and surprised me on my birthday. She said it was my day and I deserved to have the best one. That was the best birthday present I have ever received. I have grown so close to Emilee I feel as if she is a big sister to me. We are both beyond blessed this sweet baby girl brought us together. </div>
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Everyone is entitled to their own opinions on things. Adoption is a subject that many people have different views on whether it’s open, closed, or in my case, really open. People have told me they can’t believe it’s that open, that they could never do that, doesn't it make it harder on you, etc... but, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as it is what I want. Everyone has the opportunity to write their own life story and this is the way I decided to write mine.</div>
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I am so thankful for this experience in my life. It definitely has shaped me into a better person than I ever was. I am happy with my story and if others don't agree with it, that’s fine. It’s mine and I am beyond proud to share it. I love the entire Oliver Family; I love both Emilee’s family and Josh’s family. They make me feel loved and welcomed as their own. I have had, hands down, the hardest year of my life. There has been constant pain. Pain that is never going to go away. Pain that will be a part of me for my entire life. But every time I am feeling sad, I remember the happiness Makenzee has brought to so many lives and each time I’m sad my pain and hurt is worth every second for me to see the smiles on all their faces. Maybe <b>25</b> was lucky after all.</div>
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I know that God has a plan for each and every one of us. Each person has their own trials. I am thankful for mine and know that it was part of my plan here on earth. I am so thankful for my amazing family who stood by me through it all. I am especially thankful for my mother, my rock that helped me every step of the way. I have had multiple people be huge examples to me in so many different ways this year and their love and support has meant so much to me. I am so thankful for being the tummy mom to my beautiful daughter and that I still get to be a part of her life. I have a huge love for adoption. Its a kind of love you don't know exists until you are apart of it. A love that will forever be tender and hold a spot in your heart. All those that have had experiences of their own know this kind of love. It is by far one of the best blessing in the world.</div>
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Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-55151581562019088452014-07-18T10:00:00.000-07:002014-07-18T10:00:13.270-07:00Vacay! {Ohio}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
We had a blast visiting our dear friend Kevin in Ohio! It was such a relaxing trip, I wouldn't have changed a thing! Emry fell in love with Kev's parents, it was so sad to leave. </div>
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We also stopped in Kirtland and enjoyed the historic sites there!</div>
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Thanks for putting up with us Kev:)</div>
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<br />Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-67024205570273906262014-07-15T10:17:00.002-07:002014-07-15T10:17:27.107-07:00Emry Mei {11 & 12 Months}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
A little late but here is Emry's 11 month update...at 11 months little miss had 2 teeth with her top two coming in. She was speed crawling all over the place and jabbering like crazy! We moved into our new house the day before her 11 month mark and she sure loves the house! </div>
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She has us wrapped around her tiny finger and I am so happy to call her ours!</div>
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Happy late 11 months!</div>
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11 month photos...</div>
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I will do a birthday party and one year update post for Emry, but here are her 12 month photos that I took in Ohio. She wasn't quite one yet but I figured she was close enough:) Our friends took us to this amazing house in Ohio to take some pics of our little miss. I had a blast and the house was seriously a photographers dream! I could have shot pictures there all day! </div>
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Enjoy...</div>
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<br />Brennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04100118224945976853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2527783446754694291.post-64217016259437591682014-06-30T10:00:00.000-07:002014-06-30T10:00:46.175-07:00INSPIRING WOMEN {Jessica Dupass}<div class="" style="font-size: 19px;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's almost July so that means it's time to post June's INSPIRING WOMAN. Her name is Jessica Dupass and she is absolutely amazing. Her and her family have been through so much, yet she looks at life as a huge blessing. Her story is so uplifting and amazing, I hope you enjoy it. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Here it is...</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Miracles do happen! Just when you think that all odds are stacked against you and that you’re all alone in your struggles… God steps in, takes your hand and leads you to where you need to be. That was where I was 32 weeks ago! I had given up all hope… hit rock bottom and accepted the fact that God had given me everything I was meant to have and I was eternally grateful for my amazing blessings. You see, I have two beautiful children! So, God had blessed me beyond what many women will ever get the chance to have. But, my story is a little different than most…</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">In 2005 I was blessed with my amazing husband and our first little miracle Jaxten. I had a normal “accidental” pregnancy! Jaxten was born 4 weeks early and he was a pretty sick baby but he was able to pull out of his sickness and we were able to take him home 2 weeks after he was born. He has been one of my greatest accomplishments in this life. He is the most kind hearted, loving and helpful kids you’ll ever meet! He is wise beyond his years, He understands and has been through what most adults cant even handle. I can look into that boys eyes and see heaven. He owns half of my heart! When Jaxten turned two my husband and I decided that our family wasn’t yet complete and so we started trying to have another baby. We tried for over a year before we realized that something was wrong, we decided to reach out for help. I was later diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and Endometriosis. I was only ovulating healthy Eggs once a year. So, the odds were stacked against us. I started taking all sorts of fertility meds and getting monthly ultrasounds to check Egg growth. If you have ever actually had to “TRY” to get pregnant you’ll understand what I mean when I say it’s Taxing! It so hard financially, physically and mentally to try to get pregnant. It makes something so beautiful and natural feel like a full time job! Finally, 3 years after deciding to add to our family, I got my beautiful positive pregnancy test! We were so happy and blissfully unaware. We had another one of those perfect pregnancies. We found out we were having another boy! Finally our little family was going to be complete. At 36 weeks I had already had a baby shower, nested, and my bags were packed. We were ready to bring home our baby boy! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">On the night of October 5th, 2005 my blissful ignorance bubble was popped. Faithfully, every night at 10:30 my son would start moving. But, that night was different… he didn’t move. At 11 I started to get worried, so I called the hospital to see what I should do. They told me to drink really cold water while lying on my left side and if that didn’t work to go ahead and come in to be checked. Well… It didn’t work. At the time I lived about 35 minutes from the hospital and my husband was at work. I called him and told him to meet me at the hospital. The whole drive in I was trying to get my little man to move. His tiny toes were up in my ribs, so I was pushing them to see if he would kick back. I knew at that point that something was wrong but I didn’t want to believe it. When we arrived at the hospital one of the nurses said to me “let’s find this heartbeat so you can go home and get some rest” I’ll never forget those words or the look on her face when she couldn’t find the heartbeat. She said “maybe it’s just this Doppler”. So, she called in an ultrasound tech. When he placed the monitor on my belly and I saw that his heart was still, I remember the world kind of just stopped… I could feel myself scream but I couldn’t hear it. My beautiful baby boy, Jrayden Max Dupass was born sleeping the next day at 4:23. He was the epitome of perfection… Absolutely breath takingly beautiful. As far as the eye could see there was not a single thing wrong with him and honestly according to all the tests ran on him, physically he was perfect as well. We were left with no explanation as to why our baby boy earned his wings. He was just too perfect for this Earth! That evening we left the hospital with nothing but empty arms and broken hearts. After that it was a whirlwind of trying to figure out funeral arrangements and burial costs. The only thing I could think of was “why am I picking out caskets and headstones when I should be putting together his nursery and crib?”. Life changed from that point on! Jrayden changed everything about my family. We learned to appreciate life and each other a whole lot more than the average person because we knew how fast it could be over. He has been such a blessing and he touched lives of people that never had the opportunity to meet him. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">From then on a whole different fire was lit within me… I had an uncontrollable desire to be a mother again. My arms felt so empty but heavy at the same time. Every waking moment I thought about getting pregnant again, I wanted so badly to fill the void that burying my child left in my heart. Luckily, I didn’t have to wait long. Apparently, after you have a baby you’re extremely fertile! Jrayden was born at the beginning of October and by the Beginning of December I was pregnant again. I had never been so scared in my entire life! Every second, of every day I was terrified that I was going to lose that baby too. I couldn’t function because I was so scared! I am not sure if being terrified every second of the day is what caused me to miscarry that baby, but on February 14 2011 I went to a routine ultrasound and found out that our little beans heart had stopped beating and Heaven had gained our second angel. My body wasn’t naturally going to do what it was supposed to so, I ended up having to have a D&C. We still had no explanation as to why all of this kept happening to us. I felt like I was being punished for something that I did or didn’t do, and I started to hate my body for hurting my babies. It’s really hard trying to get away from something that you hate when it’s connected to you! My husband and I started having problems because I didn’t feel like he was hurting like I was and he wasn’t nearly as sad as he should be. I couldn’t see beyond my own grief to recognize that he was just as sad as I was. He was just having difficulty expressing it to me because he was afraid that if he spoke of our babies, it would make me even more sad than I already was. We started counseling and it really helped us to figure out how to process our feelings towards each other and our grief. We learned how to talk with each other and deal with our emotions.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We decided to take the year off from trying to have another baby… I had to emotionally prepare myself to be able to loose another one. That sounds horrible but honestly that’s what our lives had come to. I needed to prepare myself either way. It took a lot of prayers to get to the point where we were ready again. Once we were ready it took another year just to conceive. We tried everything to get pregnant (except IVF) it seemed as if nothing was working. I had gained 30 pounds from the fertility medicines and emotional eating. I started to become very unhappy in my own skin. So, I decided to take some time to focus on myself and getting my body back to a healthy weight. Once again we decided to take a break from trying to have a baby. But, not for long because I found out the next month that I was pregnant! We were elated. It is such an amazing feeling to finally see a positive pregnancy test after so many negatives. Once you see that positive you can start to imagine all of your dreams coming true. With this pregnancy though, I didn’t let myself get comfortable. It’s probably a good thing because I felt like it was over almost as fast as it happened. I didn’t even let myself get used to the idea that we could be having a baby before it was over. I went to my 8 week ultrasound and our little bean didn’t have a heartbeat. Our doctor told us we had a 50% chance that it is just early and that it may start beating within the next week. No such luck though… I started bleeding two days later and once again, Heaven gained another angel. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I hate to admit this but I hit the very bottom of the pit. I blamed God and I was so mad at him for taking away my babies. Why couldn’t I have my happy ending like everyone else? I began to hate all pregnant women and I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as newborns. I would get panicky and sweaty when I was around them. I felt broken and completely alone. This is the point where God started to step in and lead me to where I needed to go. I ended up finding an amazing support system when I met this wonderful group of women, they are all mothers to angels. I started to find out that I wasn’t alone in my struggles and that the feelings I felt, other people had felt as well. I had validation to all of my anger and sadness and that meant the world to me. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It’s amazing what knowing you’re not alone can do for you! I started to truly heal at that point. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Financially trying to get pregnant was getting more and more difficult. Every time we did an IUI it was about $1000. It’s no where near what it would cost to do In-vitro but it’s still really hard to come up with that amount of money and still pay the bills. So, we decided to start a Fund page to help us with the costs. We ended up raising enough money to do another round of treatment. With all the prayers and support we were receiving, I was really hopeful that it would work. But sadly it didn’t. We ended up doing one more attempt before giving up on all hope. I felt like every block that could be added to my shoulders, was added. I could no longer stand with all of the weight. It was then that I fell upon my knees and had a serious heart to heart with our Heavenly Father. For the first time ever, I felt like I was actually talking directly to Him. I went to bed that night a whole lot lighter and I awoke with a new perspective. I needed to be more grateful for all the many blessing that I have already received. I have an amazing and supportive husband. I truly feel like I found the one person in the millions of people on earth that was made for me. He is my soul mate! I have the most loving and kind son. He’s so smart! I am so grateful that he picked me to be his momma. My world would have crumbled around me by now if it wasn’t for that boy! I have a beautiful baby boy waiting for me in Heaven! I actually made someone so perfect and beautiful that God took him directly home. Not everyone can say that they held perfection. But I can… I held him within my body for 36 amazing weeks, in my arms for 5 beautiful hours and I will hold him in my heart until the day that I am once again reunited with him. I am truly more blessed than I will ever be able to put into words. I have a beautiful life! From that day on I put everything in God’s hands. I felt a thousand pounds lighter and a million times better. My husband and I lost about 70 pounds between the two of us, our relationship went back to being what it was before all the stress of adding to our family caused. It felt amazing! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So fast forward a couple months. This is where the real miracle begins… This last Christmas was like any other Christmas except for one amazing thing. After we opened all of our gifts I had this gentle whisper telling me that I needed to take a pregnancy test. Not everyone has a pregnancy test on hand but when you don’t ever have a period you’re never really sure if you’re pregnant or not so you kinda just stock up. It had been over 4 months since I had a period so I was filled with doubt but I decided to listen to the whisper. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing but I snuck away and took the test. As I watched the second line appear I was in complete shock… Could this really be possible? Is this just one of those false positives? Because there is no way I could possibly be pregnant. Right? We had given up all hope on having a baby… again. I cant even express the excitement I felt at that moment!! It was finally happening! I was going to be a mommy again. I grabbed a Christmas gift card box, wrapped up the POSITIVE test and headed out to give this amazing gift to my husband. I said “ hey babe, I forgot one”. When he opened up the box his eyes filled with tears and he said “Really? Does this mean you’re pregnant?”. We were both in denial! Luckily I didn’t have any more pregnancy tests and all of the stores were closed because I am pretty sure I would have gone pee on a stick crazy. Of course not really knowing if it was true and being in complete denial didn’t stop us from telling our families! Josh was scheduled for surgery the day after Christmas so we had to get up really early and head down to St. George. While he was back in surgery I ran to Target to get one of the tests that say “Pregnant” or “not Pregnant”. I actually took the test in the restroom at the hospital… waiting for the results seemed like the longest 3 minutes of my life. Actually seeing the word “Pregnant” was magical and very validating. I was nervous about Josh’s surgery but I was even more excited to show him the test! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This pregnancy has been completely different compared to the two after Jrayden passed away. I have put everything in our Heavenly Fathers hands. I know that there is nothing I can do either way to change His mind. After all we are all HIS children and it’s His decision when and how He will call us home. I can only hope and pray that He will trust us enough to care for one of His beautiful children until we’re called home. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I am now 32 weeks pregnant with another baby boy! He is already so spunky and full of attitude. Everyday I have with this little man is a blessing! I can’t wait until my healthy, screaming, naked baby boy is placed in my arms. I can’t wait until these voids in my arms and heart are filled. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So, Miracles do happen! Just when you think that all odds are stacked against you and that you’re all alone in your struggles… You’re NOT! Turn to Him because He is always there. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 19px;">I just want to say thank you to Jessica for being so willing to share her story on my blog. One morning I was laying in bed and I decided to get on Facebook. When I got on I had a notification for a personal message, it was from Jessica. We had never met and weren't even Facebook friends. She sent me the most wonderful message that even made me cry. She told me thank you for doing these "Inspiring Women" posts and for giving mothers a voice. She made all of this worth it and that was the whole reason I wanted to do this series. I wanted to bring attention to all the amazing women around us. Thank you Jessica for reaching out to me. You made me feel so wonderful and you also made it possible for your story to be told! </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 19px;">You and your sweet unborn baby boy are in my prayers:)</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 19px;">Jessica...</span></span></div>
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